Total Drama Tween Island
by TDWinnerforDinner
Summary: Dedicated to Cragmiteblaster and the Kobold Necromancer. The Nostalgia Critic winds up 15 years into the future and is appointed host of what is said to be the hottest reality show of all time while dealing with 14 kid contestants and 100000 dollars. Who will win? Read to find out.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by That Guy With The Glasses.

**Pairings:** As if I'm going to tell you now!

**Note: **This fanfiction is dedicated to the Kobold Necromancer for inspiring me to write fanfiction and Cragmiteblaster for introducing me to Total Drama in the first place. Also if you want to know what the contestants look like, go to my profile.

Now that we've got that crap out of the way, let's begin.

* * *

We cut to a dock to an island in the middle of the lake. Just now a man in his early 30's with a small beard, glasses, black cap, jacket, shoes and pants, white shirt and red necktie walk onto the dock and turned to face the camera.

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to," the man greeted calmly, "and we're coming at you live from Camp Wawanakwa, located somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario. And I'm dropping season one of what set to be the hottest reality show of all time, right now."

The Critic walks across the dock explaining a few things about the game, "Here's the deal. 14 kids from around the globe have signed up to spend 2 weeks at crummy old summer camp. They will have to compete in several challenges against each other then have to face the judgement of their fellow campers. Every evening, one of 2 teams will either win a reward or witness one of its members walk the Dock of Shame, board the Boat of Losers and leave this hellhole for good."

The Critic appears at the elimination area. "Their fates will be decided here at the dreaded campfire elimination ceremonies where each night all but one camper will receive a marshmallow." The Critic proceeds to eat one of the marshmallows and show off some magazines and a small treasure chest. "In the end, only one camper will win and the last one standing will win some tabloid fame and a small fortune of $100000 which let's face it they'll likely blow in a week.

"To survive, they'll have to battle black flies, grizzly bears," we then see said bear swatting the flies, "disgusting camp food," we then see a bowl of maggots, one of which says, "Hey now," and the Critic finishes off with, "and each other."

The Critic reappears on the Dock of Shame to utter some final words, "Every moment will be caught on the hundreds of cameras situated all over the camp. Who will crumble under the pressure? Find out here right now on Total Drama Tween Island!

(Theme song; I wanna be famous)

* * *

The Nostalgia Critic stands on the dock waiting for the contestants. He calmly said to the camera, "Welcome back to Total Drama Tween Island. Now before we begin, let me remind you that this year is 2028; you may now wonder why I'm not an old man. Fair enough and I'll tell you. I was just minding my own business after my show got cancelled when I accidentally fell into a freezing chamber on New Year's Day 2013. I remained there for 15 years then decided to host this show to find something else to do."

The Critic noticed a boat coming his way before continuing, "All right enough of that $#!&, it's time to meet the campers. We told them they'd be staying at some 5-star resort/playground so if they seem a little P.O.'d, that's probably why."

The boat dropped off a 12 year old girl with shoulder-length blonde hair, brown eyes, an orange cap, orange shirt with a yellow star in the middle, yellow shorts and orange shoes with yellow soles. She looks rather miffed.

"Hello, Lauren," greeted the Nostalgia Critic to the girl, "you are the first contestant here."

"Shut up," scoffed Lauren, "I came here to get out of the business of moving house but not if it looks like crap."

"Viewers, this is Lauren from Canada," the Critic said to the camera, "After losing Quebec in a war, Canada annexed the northern United States and Alaska. So sad."

"That's nothing," said Lauren while not changing expression, "you know jack about how I lived. Oh, by the way, call me L. Lauren sounds too girly for me."

"Fine, move over," said the Critic annoyed before brightening up again, "Now let's introduce Nessie of the Caribbean Union, successor to the Confederate States that annexed the entire Caribbean. Sheesh."

Another boat dropped off an 11 year old girl with blonde, braided pigtails, blue eyes, a cowgirl hat, diamond necklace, brown leather jacket, pink tube top that exposes the belly button, orange skirt and maroon boots. That is Nessie and she seems focused on a small gadget.

"Oh hey," said Nessie looking up from her gadget, "I was distracted. You see I was looking for oil with this thing."

"Yeah because lots of people still use it in spite of environmental consequences," said the Critic cynically.

"Well the sad thing is people are moving away from it," Nessie responded before walking next to Lauren.

"Hey I'm L," greeted Lauren while keeping the same miffed expression, "and why don't you wear pants or cover that belly button? It's a disgrace to girls."

"Well I just like wearing it," replied Nessie with a 'matter of factly' expression.

"And now we have our first male contestant, Victor," said the Critic in a cheerful expression, "He is from Quebec which seceded from Canada and annexed the eastern United States. Now be careful, he has a propensity for pranks."

The next boat dropped off a 12 year old Jewish boy with brown hair, brown eyes, orange cap, red shirt, blue jeans and red and white shoes. That is Victor and he is looking quite happy.

"Okay, I'm at summer camp, this is going to be an awesome summer," said Victor in excitement.

"That's cool," the Critic said briefly before putting on a cheeky face, "now do you mind telling us any secrets?"

Victor looked a bit worried but calmly said, "No, of course not."

The Nostalgia Critic disappointed said, "Alright. Go stand near the others I have contestants to introduce."

Victor did as the Critic said and walked over to Nessie and Lauren and said to the both of them, "Bonjour, Mademoiselles. I hope we will have fun on this island."

Nessie was too busy with her little gadget but Lauren said, "Shut up, this place is crap."

"How about we lighten the mood," Victor said before putting his hand out, "Handshake?"

Lauren reluctantly went to shake Victor's hand but what she got was a…

ZAP!

Victor fell down laughing and Lauren was very angry and she shouted, "You idiot! This is why I don't like boys!"

"Oh boy, only 3 contestants and there's already some drama," chuckled the Critic when another boat came, "Oh and we have Mari from North France. For some reason France split in 2: the northern half is democratic and the southern half is a Catholic dictatorship similar to Mussolini."

Mari got off the boat; she was a 10 year old girl with chest length blonde hair, blue eyes, a purple headband with a flower in it, a turquoise, long sleeved shirt with a butterfly and shows a bit of belly, blue long pants and pink Mary-janes and socks. She looks really happy.

"Hi, I'm Mari," she greeted, "I'm sure we'll have a great time here."

The Nostalgia Critic approached the girl and mused, "If you want, I could be your father because you look really nice."

"Oh, I already have a dad," Mari said.

"Oh, alright I'll be your second dad," the Critic proposed.

"No, I'm cool," Mari finished up, mumbled "Creep," and went to the others. There she took notice of Victor and asked, "Who are you?"

"Oh hi, I'm Victor and I'm from Quebec," Victor replied, "Are you ready to have fun?"

Nessie was still distracted and Lauren made a gag expression. Then the Critic said, "Oh I'll give you something to dislike. This next contestant is called Jim from Jamaica, the only Caribbean island to not be in the Union."

Out from the next boat was Jim, a black 13 year old boy with black, stringy hair, brown eyes, a traditional Jamaican hat, a white tank top, blue jeans and green and yellow shoes. He also had a tough build and looked tough to match. Jim approached Mari completely ignoring the Nostalgia Critic and said to her menacingly, "Hey mon. You had better back out because I'm going to win or are you weak?"

Mari was shaking a bit when Victor bravely said, "Leave her alone! What did she ever do to you?"

"It's okay Victor I can take this," Mari said with a hint of courage.

"Well, can you take me on or are you chicken," Jim asked threateningly.

"Well dad told me guys like you are scared of being topped."

"Well your clothes suck."

"Don't worry about that. I have a different outfit every day."

The Critic observed the soft verbal battle between Jim and Mari and said to himself, "Wow, that's a lot of ratings coming in." Then the sixth boat was approaching so the Critic said to the camera, "Now this guy you do not want to go near period, introducing Li Zhang of China, one of 2 candidates of spiritual successor to the Soviet Union."

From the boat emerged Li Zhang, a 12 year old boy with black hair in a braided ponytail, a traditional Chinese cone hat hiding his eyes, a green kung-fu outfit and traditional wooden shoes. He also wielded a wooden staff for defense.

Li Zhang sighed and said nonchalantly, "Look at this. There are humans here."

"Well duh there are and there will be more," said the Nostalgia Critic matter-of-factly, "but we're often referred to as people, why call us just humans?"

"Because I am above you beasts," Li Zhang said cynically and half-arrogantly, "Now do yourself a favour and stay away from me."

"Oh no you don't," said the Critic sternly, "until the merge at around halfway this is a team game so I expect you to behave yourself or you'll never win the grand prize."

"Fine, I may cooperate when you really need me," Li Zhang said not smiling one bit, "but do not expect me to socialise with anyone." So he walks over to the far end of the Dock of Shame away from everyone else.

Victor naively decided to attempt socialisation with Li Zhang. "Bonjour Monsieur I am Victor," Victor said but Li Zhang refused to say anything and knocked down Victor with his stick just like that.

"Oh tough guy huh," Lauren confidently as she approached Li Zhang, "well let's see how you fare with me." Lauren attempted to punch Li Zhang but the Chinese boy just blocked it and pushed her away.

"Oh mon, you both suck," laughed Jim at Victor and Lauren's misfortune. All Lauren could say in response was, "Shut up."

"Wow, that is anti-social behaviour to the max," commented the Critic just as the seventh ship came by. Then the Critic said to the camera, "Oh well, at least Nickolas from Greater California is more sociable. After Uncle Sam died, the Walt Disney Company took over this western region. How does he get by while being a DC fan?"

Sure enough, from the boat came Nickolas, an 11 year old overweight boy with dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, a Superman shirt, red pants, Batman shoes and a Green Lantern ring on his right middle finger.

"Hey look a fat kid," Jim laughed in an effort to insult Nickolas.

"I do admit I want to be thin," Nickolas calmly said before cheering up again, "But that aside, I think this will be a fun experience. At least here I'm free to talk in public."

"Yes, I think we can agree that the Walt Disney Company dislikes political opposition," the Critic solemnly said before going '_coughNaziscough'. _Then the Nostalgia Critic brightened up and said, "Now do yourself a favour and go express your interests to the others; I want to introduce more contestants."

"Alright," Nickolas said before moving over to the other contestants except Li Zhang. He then accidentally bumps into Nessie making her drop her device but he sees it and kicks it upwards and it falls back into her hands.

"Wow thanks," Nessie said gratefully to Nickolas, "You know, you should be on a soccer team."

"It was nothing," Nickolas responded, "It just came naturally."

"Wow, that's half of all the contestants already," the Critic commented just as the eighth boat came over. He turned to the camera and said, "Next we have Sheila from Australia which, dare I say it, has turned communist. That girl had better behave herself."

From the boat emerged Sheila, a 12 year old girl with blonde hair in a ponytail, brown eyes, an orange, topless cap, a blue, short sleeved belly shirt with a goldfish on it, khaki hot pants and grey sandals not to mention a slightly tanned skin. She almost immediately jumped in the water.

"Hey get back up here," the Critic shouted at Sheila, "It's bad enough that your home is commie territory. You need to be on the dock!"

"Oh, sorry sir," Sheila said as she got back up, "I can't help it. I love to swim."

"Does it look like I care," the Nostalgia Critic asked cynically, "now go stand next to the others."

"Fine," Sheila said annoyed, "but at least treat the animals here with respect." She then walked near the others and the boys wouldn't stop staring at her nice body.

Jim in particular said, "Hey mon, wanna kiss," and he began to harass Sheila. She then pushed Jim into Li Zhang who knocked him down.

"Wow, I'm liking this," the Critic commented when the ninth boat came. Then the Critic said, "Now these 2 are Jonny and Jenny of the United Kingdom which now controls the entire northern half of Europe. Wow."

The boat dropped of Jonny and Jenny, two 13 year old twins with long, ginger hair, green eyes, a few freckles, green shirts, blue skirts and Mary-janes with kneesocks. One must take note that one of them has pigtails and boobs, that's Jenny. The other, Jonny, has a ponytail and is actually a boy.

"Greetings everyone," greeted Jenny cheerily, "Me and my brother are going to have so much fun on this island. Right, Jonny?"

"Yes we are sis," Jonny said but not as enthusiastic before turning to the other contestants, "Now please, don't make fun of me. It's a life I'm proud of."

Jim was about to get up to mock Jonny but Sheila stared him down.

"Oh boy, we have a crossdresser on board," the Nostalgia Critic said to himself, "No matter, you may stand near the others if you want."

The 2 squeed calmly and stood near Lauren who is stilled a bit miffed. Mari commented to Jenny, "Wow, that outfit is pretty, I like it."

"Well thanks," Jenny responded, "I see your fashion sense is top standard."

The Critic then said, "I never thought a drag queen would compete on Total Drama but here's another contestant who likes make-up. This is Aurora of Venezuela, the world's no.1 source of oil because for some reason the Middle East ran out."

The next boat dropped off Aurora, an 11 year old Latino girl with short brown hair in a ponytail, brown eyes, a bow on her crown, 7 freckles between the eyes, a pink shirt, blue short overalls and red slippers. She looked unimpressed.

"Oh my god," Aurora said unimpressed, "this island is like so dirty. Not good my skin you know."

"Really God, really," the Critic said cynically, 'a valley girl with an annoying speech pattern? Anyway, Aurora, I'm afraid you'll have to put with the crap we have to offer. It's not my fault; it's just how it is."

"Never mind," responded Aurora having lightened up, "I'll just like be careful." So she walked near the others.

"Oh boy, a valley girl," Lauren moaned.

Jonny started staring at Aurora and said, "Wow, you look hot. Would you like a date?"

"Like no," Aurora replied, "I don't date sissy boys." Jonny sighed after being turned down.

"Wow, what a picky girl," the Nostalgia Critic commented when the eleventh boat came along. Then the Critic turned to the camera and said, "Now introducing Midori of Japan, a country that for some reason wants to annex eastern North Korea."

Midori got off the boat. She was an 11 year old girl with long black hair in pigtails with red headbands, brown eyes, a white serafuku school shirt with green collar and blue bow, green school skirt and grey Mary-janes and kneesocks.

"Konichiwa," Midori greeted, "I wish to share my knowledge of anime/manga with all of you."

"You wouldn't know of my favourite manga, Full Metal Alchemist would you," asked Victor.

"Yes," replied Midori, "I know everything there is to know about Japanese pop culture from A to Z. For example, did you know that Akira Toriyama of Dragon Ball fame did the artwork for the Dragon Quest videogame franchise?"

"Yes I do," said the Critic, "Now save your facts for another time, I have only 2 more contestants to introduce."

"Okay sensei," Midori agreed, "I'll hold off my blabber for a while." She then moved to the other contestants before commenting to Jonny, "You look rather cute."

"How so," Jonny asked.

"I have a thing for traps," Midori replied.

Jonny blushed and said, "Thanks but I'm not interested right now."

As the next boat arrived the Critic said, "Well here's our penultimate contestant, Malcolm from the Central Commune, leftover territory from the demise of America and full of hippie and Amish, sort of."

The boat dropped off Malcolm, an 11 year old boy with shaggy black hair, green eyes with glasses, lots of freckles, a maroon and brown button shirt opened to expose his belly button, blue overalls but with the bib down and white shoes with red, yellow and blue streaks. Oh and he's missing one of his teeth. He starts looking around in curiosity.

"Wow, that's some mighty fine island," Malcolm commented, 'Kind of like the Commune. And these folks look pretty weird. Is this what the outside world is?"

"Well yeah if you put it that way," the Critic said calmly, "But there is a lot more to the world than you can shake your head at. I must warn you, this is not the Commune, and it's a whole different experience."

"Okay, sir," said Malcolm as he naively walked over to Li Zhang before getting knocked down. He screamed, "OUCH! What is his problem!?"

"That would be Li Zhang," replied Nickolas, "he prefers to go it alone like Batman and doesn't seem to like people for some reason."

"Sheesh, this outside world sure is different to the Commune what with harsh people," Malcolm calmly said to himself.

"Trust me this world has a lot of people like Li Zhang," the Nostalgia Critic commented cynically when the last boat arrived. Then he turned to the camera and said, "Well folks, this is the last contestant, Abdul of the United Arab Emirates, a land for some reason the Vatican wants to take. Those bastards.

The boat dropped off Abdul, a brown skinned 12 year old boy with brown hair, brown eyes with glasses, a traditional grey hat with Arab writing, a golden thawb (it's a kind of Arab tunic) with golden pants and orange, curly shoes. Abdul looked rather neutral.

"Okay, this looks a bit silly," Abdul said calmly, "I don't think anyone here is Muslim like I am."

"Are you some sort of spy," the Critic asked jokingly.

Abdul looked offended and said, "No of course not! Are you not over 9/11?"

"Look I was only joking," the Critic angrily responded, "and yes I was over it since forever!"

"Good," Abdul said sternly, "now I hope you cook up halal food. That means no pork, carcasses or animals treated with disrespect. It's against my beliefs."

"Alright, I'll tell Chef, the Critic responded, "Just stand near the other contestants."

Abdul did just that and stood near Sheila. She said to Abdul, "So you're a vegetarian?"

"Not quite," Abdul replied, "I will only eat non-pork meat if it's been killed in the name Allah which I doubt would happen here."

"It'll do," Sheila said, "we could have so much fun here."

"Okay now that everyone's here," the Critic announced excitedly, "we need a group photo for the promos. Everyone on the other end of the dock!" Most of the contestants did so except Li Zhang to whom the Critic shout, "You too Tiger man!"

"Fine but only because you said so," Li Zhang rudely responded and reluctantly joined the other contestants for the group photo.

The Nostalgia Critic jumped onto the boat Abdul came out of in order to take the pictures. He said, "Okay. 1, 2, 3," then hit the button but nothing happened. "Oops," said the Critic, "Forgot the lens cap." He opened it and said, "Okay, hold that pose. 1, 2… Oh no wait; card's full. Hold on." Everyone groaned in frustration then the Critic said after a few minutes, "Got it! Okay. Everyone say Wawanakwa!"

Everyone said, "Wawanakwa," just as the Dock of Shame collapsed under them then the Critic took the picture and started laughing hysterically.

* * *

All the contestants were swimming back to shore. Li Zhang made it off first then immediately ran off towards camp. Sheila came out second but went back in for the less able like Abdul and Malcolm. One by one everyone was back inland and was drying off.

* * *

Sheila was chatting with Midori. "How did you get to land so quickly," Sheila asked.

Midori promptly took off her uniform to reveal a school issue swimsuit. "Sukumizus," Midori answered, "always come prepared when water is involved." Then they went back to camp.

* * *

Jonny and Jenny were talking over Aurora. "Hey sis," he asked, "how do I get Aurora to like me?"

"Well since she is a valley girl," Jenny replied, "I would be wise to cater to her interests." However Aurora heard this and ran back to camp. The twins followed her.

* * *

Jim was continuously pushing Malcolm's head into the water when someone slapped him. That was Nessie and she said sternly and haughtily, "Why don't you try messing with the princess of Texas: me?"

"Okay I will," said Jim as he started chasing her into camp.

Malcolm re-emerged from the water when Nickolas said, "Wow that Texan girl is neat, and this swim was good. I pretended to be Aquaman."

"I'm sure she is," Malcolm responded, "Whew, this outside world is harder than I thought." Then they both went back to camp.

* * *

Victor and Mari were busy talking. "I was not kidding back there; I make my own clothes from scratch," Mari explained, "I like variety in my life."

"Well I can do a lot of things," said Victor, "but I'd rather not discuss it."

Victor went back to camp so that Lauren could talk to Mari. "You make your own clothes," asked Lauren.

"Yes," replied Mari, "Why?"

"Try not to wear anything too girly; I really don't like it."

Lauren leaves for camp. Abdul walks up to Mari so he could talk to her. "What religion are you," Abdul asked.

"Protestant," Mari replied, "Why?"

"Well at least you're not Catholic," Abdul finished up before leaving for camp. Mari followed him.

* * *

Meanwhile back at camp, Li Zhang simply hung around the cabins. But enough about him, the Nostalgia Critic stood there waiting. "Chris," the Critic shouted, "Where the hell's my latte?!"

A man called Chris McLean ran over with the Critic's latte and said, "Here's your damn latte."

The Critic took the latte of Chris and said, "Thank you. Now you have to remember that if you want to be host, you have to get a promotion. I got the job from my internet show."

"Okay boss," said Chris submissively before leaving.

So the Critic drank some latte and said, "Ah, that's some damn fine latte." Soon enough the contestants arrived. Li Zhang went nearer the Critic but still not near anyone. The Nostalgia Critic took note of this and said, "So how was the surprise?"

"It was stupid," replied Lauren.

"It was scary," replied Malcolm.

"It was weak," replied Jim.

"Never mind then," said the Critic, "though I have to admit it was really funny. Anyway, welcome to Camp Wawanakwa, your home for the next 2 weeks. The people near you will be your cabin mates, your competition and maybe even your friends. You dig?" Jim then makes a threatening gesture to Malcolm, Jonny eyes Aurora while Midori eyes him, Victor and Mari smile at each other, Nessie is still looking at her device and Li Zhang meditates on his upright wooden staff. The Critic continued, "The camper who manages to stay on Total Drama Tween Island, without getting voted out will win $100000!"

"Hey mon," asked Jim, "are the cabins co-ed? I wouldn't mind sleeping with the Aussie chick."

"Oh you better not," retorted Sheila.

"Hell no," replied the Nostalgia Critic, "girls get one side of each cabin and boys get the other."

"Aw I won't get to speak to Victor that way," Mari complained.

Abdul said to Mari, "Well at least you don't get to sleep with Jim.

"Here's the deal," the Critic continued, "We're going to split you into 2 teams. If I call your name out, go stand on the red mat."

…

…

…

"Mari,"

…

…

…

"Victor,"

…

…

…

"Malcolm,"

…

…

…

"Li Zhang,"

…

…

…

"Jenny,"

…

…

…

"Aurora and…"

…

…

…

"Lauren."

The campers who had their names called out went to the red mat then the Critic said, "From this moment on, you are officially known as the Mad Monkeys."

"Um sir may I have a question," Jenny asked.

"Yes, Jenny," said the Critic.

"What about Jonny," Jenny asked again.

"Don't worry about it toots," the Critic responded, "Now will the rest of you go on the green mat."

…

…

…

"Jonny,"

…

…

…

"Jim,"

…

…

…

"Abdul,"

…

…

…

"Midori,"

…

…

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"Sheila,"

…

…

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"Nickolas and…"

…

…

…

"Nessie."

"Hey sis," Jonny said to Jenny as he went to the green mat, "this will be the first time we are separate. I'll miss you!"

"I'll miss you too bro," waved Jenny back, "Good luck!"

The Critic continued his speech to those on the green mat, "You will officially be known as the Crazy Crocodiles."

"Oh boy, the crossdresser is on my team," mumbled Abdul.

"All right campers," the Nostalgia Critic said, "You and your team will be on camera in all public areas during this competiton."

* * *

**Confessional: Almost like Total Drama Island in the viewers' world.**

**Nostalgia Critic: **You will also be able to share your innermost thoughts on tape with video diaries anytime you want. Let the audience at home know what you are really thinking, or just get something off your chest.

**Abdul:** So we have a crossdresser, a bully, a hippy, two geeks and a cowgirl on my team. Allah help me.

**Aurora:** This island like sucks. It will however help me advertise what I really want. And no it isn't an unlimited mall pass though that is really nice.

**Jenny: **All these years my me and Jonny being inseparable gone. It has always been like that since we were both born. No matter, I my teammates need help, they'll talk to me.

**Jim: **Make no mistake. I will go all the way, I will trample all the rest and I will win $100000. And no one is going to stop me.

**Jonny: **This will be the first time ever that I'm going it alone without Jenny. I can only hope my teammates will treat me with respect. These are foreigners I am dealing with.

**Lauren:** When I'm done here, I will be in a nice liberal neighbourhood at long last. Until then, this place sucks.

**Li Zhang: **This confessional might as well be my haven. I don't want to be ambushed by these animals. I'm in for survival big time.

**Malcolm:** Never in my life have I ever seen a person go rough on me deliberately. Let's see how long I can go.

**Mari:** Back home I am quite popular because of my constantly changing attire. And they are all spectacular. I just decided to start from scratch and I already befriended Victor.

**Midori:** I wish to share my knowledge of manga and anime to the whole and challenge those derogatory perceptions such as hentai tentacles. My brother Sasuke taught me those terms.

**Nessie: **The reason I am here is that my father runs a family business based on oil. But since Texas is running low I was tasked to find a way to extract the oil of Wawanakwa.

**Nickolas:** Where I come from, Disney is almighty, you can't badmouth him. But here I am free to talk about DC Comics! This is going to be fun!

**Sheila:** Wawanakwa looks like crap. I would tell the communist government back home about it if there was any reception. And no, I do not feel like killing anyone, it is wrong.

**Victor: **This will be a fun experience. Thing is my mind can take on many forms which gives me all sorts of abilities. I hope I don't creep anyone out about it though.

* * *

And that is the first chapter. Tell me what you think. I can take praise and constructive criticism. No trolls allowed.

If you want to know what the contestants look like, please refer to my deviantart account.

One last thing, the plotline of this specific episode is very similar to the first episode of Total Drama Island. I even gave the Nostalgia Critic almost the exact same lines as Chris McLean from the original show but to be fair I gave him original lines that reflect on his personality. But later on you will see similarities to Total Drama Revenge of the Island but with more subplots and interactions. By the way, watch the Nostalgia Critic reviews, they are funny as hell.

And now here is a rundown of the contestants.

* * *

**Abdul – The Religious Bookworm**

**Aurora – The Valley Girl**

**Jenny – The Team Mother**

**Jim – The Big Bully**

**Jonny – The Crossdresser**

**Lauren – The Tomboy**

**Li Zhang – The Solitare**

**Malcolm – The Commune Dweller**

**Mari – The Fashion Queen**

**Midori – The Otaku**

**Nessie – The Oil Monger**

**Nickolas – The Comic Book Guy**

**Sheila – The Hippy Surfer**

**Victor – The Multiple Personalities**

* * *

**Mad Monkeys: **Aurora, Jenny, Lauren, Li Zhang, Malcolm, Mari, Victor

**Crazy Crocodiles:** Abdul, Jim, Jonny, Midori, Nessie, Nickolas, Sheila

* * *

**Next time:** The Nostalgia Critic introduces more of the camp and the game and the contestants get settled and friendships and rivalries start to form.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker of Channel Awesome.

**Pairings: **There are only hints.

**Note: **It's good to see a review. It's by Baconbaka. I originally knew him as a fan of Cragmiteblaster and if you want to read his stories, go ahead. I know I haven't read them yet but they would be nice.

* * *

When the Nostalgia Critic put the teams together, he directed them to the cabins. It was there he said to the campers, "The Monkeys get the east cabin, Crocodiles get the west."

Upon those words the campers start to get settled into their new home. If you want to know about their luggage well here is your answer. Chris McLean is pushing all the luggage next to the cabins for the campers to pick up.

"Dude, is this really necessary," asked Chris, "I am getting sore all over. The back, the arms, the legs, everywhere!"

"Nobody cares Chris," the Critic retorted rudely, "and this is part of your pay check. The more work you do, the more money you get; that's how it goes."

* * *

**(Mad Monkeys; Guys)**

* * *

Malcolm and Victor were just getting settled into their side of the cabin. They were just talking about Li Zhang.

"I don't get it," said Malcolm, "No one in the Commune would be hostile to anyone else for very long let alone everyone else. What could be wrong with him?"

"I may have seen this before," replied Victor, "There was this guy where I come from called Vito who would beat up anyone in his sight because they were inferior in his eyes."

"A bit like Jim," Malcolm commented.

"Well to be honest he did call us beasts," said Victor, "I think that implies he got abused."

"Probably," said Malcolm, "It's a likely scenario, but many beasts back in the Commune were either domesticated, friendly or have not made contact with people."

**Confessional: Looks like Malcolm lived a very stable lifestyle.**

* * *

**Malcolm: **Back in the Commune, the cattle would sometimes go a bit crazy so I had to go in and wrestle them until they calm down. No one was injured though but so far I've only dealt with calves and cows. Bulls are probably too strong for now.

**Victor: **Trust me; I've seen that stuff before with Vito. How he and I are connected is a story I don't feel like telling now.

* * *

Li Zhang had decided to wait for Malcolm and Victor to leave the cabin so he thought it would be good to walk around the camp for a bit. He collected come wood and stone from the forest so as to make himself a training arena. Then he started to meditate.

Chris noticed the Chinese boy and asked, "Dude, do you really want to sleep outside?"

At that instant, Li Zhang got up and held his staff in an attack formation and said, "What do you want?"

"I just want to bring your luggage in," Chris replied with a hint of fear, "but seriously answer my question."

Li Zhang lowered his staff and answered, "No that would be stupid; I just want sleep alone."

Chris thought of an idea and giggled a little bit and said, "Why don't you sleep in the communal washroom? You can sleep in the stall at the very back and I'll put a 'do not open' sign on it."

"Fine," Li Zhang said, "But do not tell anyone where I sleep."

Li Zhang went into the communal washrooms to set up sleeping quarters but little did he know that Chris was expecting him to scream over the stench but there was no noise so he left disappointed.

* * *

**Confessional: No kidding, Sasquatchinakwa had the runs in there.**

**Chris: **No! I wanted him to scream from the bad stench and it would have been very funny. Never mind, he'll never get past Chef.

**Li Zhang: **It's not much and yes it does stink but it beats sleeping with other humans in the vicinity. Well actually, they'll be using this washroom but at least they won't be able to interact with me.

* * *

**(Mad Monkeys; Girls)**

* * *

The girls of the Mad Monkeys team were getting settled down. Lauren takes one of the top bunks and hides under the covers, Aurora was doing her nails and Mari was setting up her sewing kit, machine and all.

"Mari," Aurora asked calmly, "what is like up with the sewing machine?"

"Well I'm glad you asked," replied Mari, "My outfits are more variable than everyone's which makes me popular. The secret is making them from scratch, hence to sewing machine."

"Wow," said Aurora in amazement, "You and I could like get along. We're both popular where we came from but with your fashion sense and my knowledge of make-up, the boys will be so over us!"

"Yeah but I didn't come here for boys, just to have fun."

"Spoilsport."

It was then Jenny entered the room, looking half-confident. "All right ladies," she said, "sorry for being a bit dull due to separation but I hope you can fill in. Now what are your goals?"

"To have fun and start fresh," said Mari excitedly.

"To have a boyfriend," said Aurora.

"To keep busy while my family moves," muffled Lauren from under the covers.

"You don't seem very happy Lauren," said Jenny in a worried tone.

"Please call me L," Lauren shouted, "and no I don't want to talk about it!"

Jenny could only sigh.

* * *

**Confessional: Let's play odd one out. Who of the girls is it?**

**Jenny:** Don't worry about me, I'll try going on alone. Plus my teammates are cool. But I sometimes feel the Lauren is hiding something. Oops! Don't tell her I called her Lauren.

**Mari: **This is my first day in and already it's kinda fun. Aurora was fun to talk to as we have roughly similar backgrounds.

**Aurora: **Mari is cool and all and no I wasn't kidding about getting a boyfriend by the end of the game. But if you ask me, Mari could with a different shirt; butterflies are out. But she can make new costumes so it doesn't really matter.

**Lauren: **Piss off. I'm not in the mood what with all the girlyness of my roommates.

* * *

**(Crazy Crocodiles; Guys)**

* * *

The guys of the Crazy Crocodiles team were getting settled in. Abdul could simply sigh.

"Alright you three," said Abdul, "looks like I'm stuck with the likes of you."

"Abdul," Nickolas said calmly while getting some DC comic books out to read, "What's the matter? If it'll make you feel any better, I've got comics to share."

"You're cool," said Abdul, "It's just that I have to sleep with a bully and a crossdresser."

"I can't help it," said Jonny, "It's how I was raise. My mum's a feminist you know."

"So mon," Jim said to Jonny, "Which of the boys on this island are you attracted to? Is it us manly bunch?"

"Shut up Jim," retorted Jonny, "my eyes are on a girl. Gosh, you're even worse than my big brother Alistair."

"Tough call man," said Nickolas in slight sympathy then he passed over some Superman comics, "Here. Want to read one?"

"Sure why not," replied Jonny as he began to read the comic Nickolas gave him.

* * *

**Confessional: The red head boy would do well in a British comedy. LOL**

* * *

**Jonny: **My feminist mum raised me like she did to challenge current norms but I'm not outright girly. I was still allowed to read comics and play videogames like my sister did to incorporate both social genders into our lives. On a side note, I wear boxers, not panties.

**Abdul: **I wasn't kidding when I said Nickolas is cool but to me, comics are lowbrow. I prefer to read sophisticated novels with only texts as they build my brain more. Except Twilight, that can rot in hell.

**Nickolas: **I'm glad Jonny liked my comics, they define my character. But until now it had to be underground because the Californian government only likes Disney.

**Jim: **My roommates suck, Abdul's a nerd, Jonny's a sissy and Nick's a geek. To me they are deadweight. Now the girl teammates look really hot.

* * *

**(Crazy Crocodiles; Girls)**

* * *

The girls of the Crazy Crocodiles were getting settled. Well, Sheila and Midori are but Nessie is still looking at her device.

Midori was talking continuously about how the other campers resemble anime/manga characters. "Have you seen Li Zhang lately," she was going on, "he looks a lot like China from 'Axis Powers: Hetalia' sans the hat and attitude."

"Yeah I just noticed," said Sheila in a bored expression.

"And Jonny is similar to many trap characters," Midori continued, "Jenny resembles an older version of Mihama Chiyo and Mari could make herself a cardcaptor outfit, how awesome would be…"

"Will you just shut up," Nessie shouted at Midori, "I can't concentrate on finding oil with this thing!"

"Oil," Sheila said shock," But that's an environmental catastrophe!"

Not wanting this argument to go any further, Nessie refused to say anything else. Sheila groaned in frustration.

* * *

**Confessional: Did you know that Sheila is like Misty from Pokemon in that they like the water?**

**Sheila: **Midori's okay though I have to admit she drags on for a bit and I don't even know anime. But Nessie seems to be more interested in oil than anything. I'll try talking it out of her later when she feels like it.

**Midori: **I was just spreading the facts.

**Nessie: **Sheila needs to understand that my family cannot survive without oil, never mind our business.

* * *

Once everyone got settled into their beds (or in Li Zhang's case his stall), the campers gathered at the mess hall for lunch. Chef Hatchet, the cook for the show said from his kitchen in a sergeant-like manner, "Listen up! I serve you lot 3 times a day and you will eat my stuff 3 times a day."

What Chef has in his kitchen is quite questionable to say the least but really you shouldn't say anything.

"Grab a tray, get your food and sit your butts down now!"

The campers did as Chef said. They each had a tray to eat food from then they lined up to get their lunch, whatever it was.

In fact most were willing to question the palatability of Chef's cooking whether it was living sloppy joe's or something simple as gruel.

When Malcolm got his food, he asked Chef, "Um excuse me is this healthy? I tend to get all sleepy if I don't get my recommended sugar intake."

Chef's eye twitched at this, he didn't like being questioned. "Oh you can get a lot of SHUT THE HELL UP," Chef shouted and this caused Malcolm to immediately run for his seat shivering a bit.

* * *

**Confessional: Oh, touchy.**

**Malcolm: **What is his problem? Did his mom forget to nourish him?

* * *

"You know what," Abdul said to his teammates, "I'm going out for apples." Abdul was displeased with what Chef had to offer, not because it was pork but because it likely wasn't killed in the name of Allah nor would the source animal have been respected, whatever it was.

Anyway, next in line was Li Zhang who just stood there even as Chef gave him lunch.

"Hey," Chef said strictly, "You got your food so sit down!"

Li Zhang said nothing. He just spat at Chef's face in response and ran outside the building to eat.

Abdul came back with an apple from the woods when he noticed Li Zhang sitting there. "Let me guess," Abdul said to Li Zhang, "Chef giving you a hard time?"

"Get lost," Li Zhang responded.

Abdul said nothing as he re-entered the mess hall leaving the Chinese boy to eat alone.

* * *

**Confessional: There is a region in north-west China called Xinjiang that is predominantly Muslim. Liberated, it would be called East Turkestan or Uyghurstan.**

**Abdul: **Does Chef know nothing about Islam? I cannot eat meat unless it was killed with respect or in the name of Allah which he most likely did not do. Plus it would have tasted like crap anyway.

**Li Zhang: **The chef here needs to just leave me be."

* * *

"Hey Jonny," Nickolas said to his bud, "Have a cow." The two boys laughed at this one liner.

"What was that," Chef said offended and gesturing the two to come over, "Come closer fatass. I didn't hear you."

"Oh sorry," said Nickolas to Chef in a fearful tone, "I was just horsing around. I didn't say anything important." Jonny giggled again.

"I'm sure you didn't," Chef said sarcastically before turning to Jonny, "You, sissy boy. Give me your plate."

Jonny did exactly that so that Chef could put 'mystery meat' onto his plate only for it to cling back to the scoop but Chef shook it off so Jonny could sit back down.

* * *

**Confessional: Western peoples don't eat horse meat, Central Asians do.**

**Nickolas: **What Chef needs is a sense of humour. Oh well the lunch was nice.

**Jonny: **Back home, mum preferred to cook our food for being healthy. I can clearly see why.

* * *

"Uh, like what the hell is this," Aurora complained about her lunch, "I don't eat slop; it's bad for my complexion and…"

Aurora couldn't finish what she was saying because Chef glared at her.

Victor was also complaining about his lunch but in an old man sort of language, "Oh gosh darn it. Could the food industry get any worse?"

"Um excuse me partner," Malcolm asked Victor, "What's with the old man voice?"

"Victor? The names Chester, sonny," Victor retorted.

"Hey guys," Jim informed his teammates, "Looks like Victor became an old man." He started laughing but his teammates face palmed.

"Hey what's with all the laughing you whippersnapper," said Chester as he turned around to face Jim.

"Oh, sorry mon. I see you don't like your lunch," Jim pretended to apologize, "but if it's any consolation, I'll go get liverwurst on rye and pills." Jim started laughing again.

Soon enough, Mari joined in. "Oh Victor," Mari laughed, you crack me up."

Just the mere mention of his name reverted Victor back to normal. Then he said, "Wait what?"

Mari responded, "I loved your old man impression. It was hilarious."

"Why thank you miss," Victor returned, "just one of my many talents."

"I've seen funnier acts on the news when North Korea split in two," Chef mumbled to himself.

* * *

**Confessional: Just like Mike from Total Drama Revenge of the Island huh?**

**Victor: **You did not see anything.

**Jim: **This oughta be good for blackmail. But for now I'll just wet willy farmer boy.

**Lauren: **That was kinda lame.

* * *

Soon enough, the Nostalgia Critic coaxed Li Zhang inside so he could walk inside to make announcements.

"Hello campers," the Critic greeted the lot, "I hope you're enjoying your lunch."

"I know I'm not," Lauren responded coolly.

"Note to self, lecture Chef about healthy eating," the Critic whispered to himself before brightening up again and facing the campers, "anyway the point is you should get ready for your first challenge in one hour's time. Just follow the arrows." Then he left.

"What do you think he'll make us do," Midori asked Nickolas with a worried expression.

"What, it's only the first challenge," Nickolas reassured the Japanese girl, "How hard can it be?"

* * *

One hour later, the campers finished their lunch and followed the arrows to where the first challenge is going to be set where the Nostalgia Critic awaited. There were 2 big trees, each with a totem pole dangling off one of its branches.

"Okay campers," the Critic said, "what you have to do is cut the totem poles down and ride them back to camp. Simple as that."

The campers looked down the hill they had to ride down, it was huge. They all gulped at the daunting task.

* * *

Well folks, that was the second chapter, the third one will conclude this episode and will see who goes home first. Also, you may have now noticed some similarities to Total Drama Revenge of the Island because the plotline will be a bit similar to that season but far from congruent. There will be more interactions and sub-plots to keep the story fresh.

* * *

**Next time: **The campers perform the first challenge, one team loses and one camper is voted off.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker of That Guy with the Glasses.

**Note: **This is the final chapter of episode 1 where we see the first vote off of the season. After this, all episodes will have two chapters and will loosely follow the plot of Total Drama Revenge of the Island but with more character growth and subplots to keep it fresh. Also I would like to thank cool825 for favouriting this fanfic. That would be highly appreciated but not compulsory.

* * *

"Okay campers," the Nostalgia Critic said to the campers, "what you have to do is cut down the totem poles and ride them back to camp. Simple as that."

"Yeah about that," Abdul said worried, "It's a long way down and we could really get hurt."

"Don't worry," reassured the Critic, "there's rough material at the finish line to slow you down. Any way the first team to reach the finish line will win immunity and a prize and the losing team will be sending someone home."

"Like are there any more details," asked Aurora.

"Yes there are," replied the Critic, "you have 7 minutes to do this or else the poles will start spraying pee on you. Oh and by the way, the Mad Monkeys will have a trampoline while the Crazy Crocodiles will have a saw, just to see what strategies you'll come up with."

"Any further details," Sheila asked suspiciously.

"Alright," the Critic confessed, "Someone thought it was a good idea to dump radioactive waste on this island for some reason so be careful. I'll leave you to it."

With that the Critic left for camp and the campers looked up to the totem poles and thought about how to cut them down. Well a few did while the others were worried of living in a radioactive environment.

"Alright! Let's do this," shouted Lauren excitedly as she jumped on the trampoline only to land in the river.

* * *

**Confessional: Okay, now $%*^ just got real.**

**Lauren:** Ow, that hurt!

**Aurora: **Radioactive waste?! That's like so off! I could get leukaemia, bone marrow disease and permanent wrinkles!

**Li Zhang:** Oh, great. Now humanity is duking it out on the natural environment. If I could I'll chuck one of those barrels on each village, city and town, see how they like it.

* * *

Meanwhile, with the Crazy Crocodiles, Abdul was analysing his own team.

"_Look at those wierdos,_" he thought to himself, "_The Australian and Caribbean chicks constantly bicker over oil, the otaku won't shut up about comics, same with the fat boy._"

Abdul had noticed Jim attempting to climb up the tree with no avail. "_At least the big brute knows the challenge but he's not doing it right,_" he thought again before calling out loud, "Is there a sane person on this team but myself!"

The other teammates stopped what they were doing to look at Abdul, who was now looking a bit stressed.

"That would be me," Jonny said breaking the silence.

"What were you doing," Abdul asked.

"I sat there looking at my sister on the other team," Jonny answered, "And when I did, thought of all the good things we did together but when I thought of the seesaw, I thought of physics for some reason."

"I didn't know you liked science," said Jim, "looks like you are a nerd as well as a sissy."

Jonny growled at that statement.

"You know physics," said Abdul fascinatedly, "tell me more."

"Okay," Jonny continued, "the seesaw is a type 1 lever with the fulcrum in the middle and work and mass on opposite ends. Then I thought maybe I could make a human tower to get to the rope."

The rest of the team nodded at the idea, Jim to a smaller degree. Then Jonny drew a red cross on the ground and got Abdul to stand on it and constructing and arranging a simple seesaw like so.

"Abdul starts the ladder," Jonny explained his plan, "We already know the lever and fulcrum but what of work and mass? Nickolas will be the work because assuming gravitational acceleration of 9.8m/s2, a higher mass means more force and therefore more work, no offence intended Nick."

"None taken bud," Nickolas reassured Jonny.

"Anyway," Jonny continued, "Every time Nickolas jumps on the raised end of the lever, we will need the other mass to finish equation and that would be each of us! Midori you're first."

Midori did as Jonny said and stood on the lower end of the seesaw when she remarked, "You know, Jonny is a lot like Izzy from Digimon. They are both intellectuals."

"Nobody cares toots," Jim interrupted rudely.

Later, Nickolas jumped on his end of the seesaw, sending Midori up into the air and landed with her hands on Abdul's shoulders. It was then the team was giggling.

"What so funny," Midori asked in confusion before realising her skirt had flipped down revealing her pink-striped panties. Midori gasped at this and resorted herself so that her feet are on Abdul's shoulders instead. The 2 person tower wobbled a bit before stabilising.

* * *

**Confessional: All I can say is LOL.**

**Midori: **I had to wear stripy panties. It comes with being an otaku.

**Abdul: **How did the crossdresser get so smart? Did his mom homeschool him or anything? I don't know.

**Jim:** (his nose was bleeding) That was hot, shame it was so short but satisfying.

**Jonny: **I hope I am right with my calculations. And for the record, I learnt it at school.

* * *

Meanwhile on the Mad Monkeys, Malcolm was making calculations of his own.

"Okay given a mass of approximately 100 pounds," he was saying, "Lauren should be able to reach the rope if she jumped on the exact centre of the trampoline."

"Um, I would like to point out a flaw here," Aurora commented, "Lauren doesn't want to use the trampoline anymore! I'm going in!"

"No stop," Malcolm warned, "you're probably too light!"

Aurora completely ignored the warning; Malcolm predicted from his calculations that Lauren would barely grab the totem pole's base then climb to the rope from there. But since Aurora was lighter, she bounced higher and even hit the totem base and this repeated several times until Jenny got fed up and pulled the trampoline away so Aurora landed hard on the ground.

"You need to stop disobeying your teammates," Jenny scolded Aurora, "you could have hurt yourself."

"Then why don't we get Li Zhang to do it," Aurora responded while rubbing her head.

"Hell no," Li Zhang retorted.

"Oh no, you're going to get up to that rope and cooperate," Lauren said to Li Zhang having recovered, "and then we can leave you alone for the whole night."

"Fine," Li Zhang responded in submission, "but don't get used to this. I don't want to have to take orders from animals all the time."

The whole team was shocked at the insult but allowed Li Zhang to climb up the tree using kung fu gymnastics and began biting at the rope.

A minute passed before Victor spoke up, "Crud, this is not working." It was then he took the form of Chester and demanded, "Oh cut the goddamn f&(#ing rope already! I need my sponge bath."

"That's what we are like trying to do Victor," Aurora responded unaware of Victor's 'performance' at lunch.

"Stop calling me Victor," 'Chester' retorted, "call me Chester! Christ these kids today."

It was then what appears to be a shaven squirrel appeared on the branch. Most of the females on the Mad Monkeys would go 'aww' at it (particularly Mari) until it blinked its eyes which were reptilian. That got them grossed out. Then Lauren spoke up, "you know it would be a lot quicker if we actually had a saw."

"Like hell we need one," said 'Chester' holding a rock, "Back in my day we didn't have saws; we made do with rocks!" He threw it intending to hit the rope but had instead hit the mutant squirrel, pissing it off enough to start shooting lasers out of its eyes at the contestants. They went panicky and hysterical, Aurora in particular ducked in fear but her mirror reflected one of the lasers at the rope, liberating the Mad Monkeys totem pole ready for riding.

* * *

**Confessional: Attack of the Laser-eyed Squirrels! That would be a cool yet clichéd movie title.**

**Aurora: **I need to have a word with the Critic about this atrocity! It could have burnt off my hair! Oh, well. At least my mirror moved my team forward.

**Mari:** That squirrel looked so cute at first until it blinked and shot lasers. But Victor is so funny with his 'Chester' routine.

**Li Zhang:** No comment.

'**Chester':** Piss off you youngling, I'm trying get some peace here, if there is any.

* * *

Meanwhile on the Crazy Crocodiles team, the human ladder got progressively taller, after Midori came Nessie, Jim and Sheila.

"Don't even think about looking up," Nessie said to those below her.

"I wouldn't even bother," responded Abdul in a deadpan tone, "It would feel stupid and I assume Midori won't either because she is a girl."

"I'll tell what is stupid," commented Jim from above, "when the only girl above me is wearing shorts which is actually kind of boring." Sheila scowled at Jim for that comment based on what it implied.

"Okay guys," Jonny called from below with the saw in his hand, "I'm the last one so get ready." Jonny readied himself on the far end of the seesaw with the saw in his mouth to even his weight. Nickolas jumped on the higher end one last time to send Jonny flying through the air. He landed on Sheila's shoulders in a more stable position due to years of gymnastics practice.

"You know what else is stupid," Jim said, "when the only person above you wearing a skirt is a boy and I am above gay people."

"Does it look like I care," Jonny retorted at Jim, "now shut up so we can get this over with." Jonny then used the saw he had to cut the rope so as to liberate the Crazy Crocodiles totem pole.

"Awesome," Nickolas cheered from below, "and with only three minutes to spare!"

"Good work guys," said Jonny as the human ladder went down gently, "but we'll have to hurry if we want to win. We are a bit behind." He's not kidding. The Mad Monkeys totem pole was being ridden on by its members on the river so the Crazy Crocodiles quickly pushed their totem pole onto the river catch up.

* * *

**Confessional: Quick!**

**Jonny: **That went quite well actually. I think the other team got ahead due to sheer luck. Did you see how disorganised they were?

**Nessie:** You know what, I admire Jonny for being smart but really I came here for oil and Sheila is in my way. I might have to resort to unethical acts to get rid of her if I feel is absolutely necessary which is thankfully not now.

* * *

"Crafty little $#!&s," Lauren cursed at the opposition's progress, "they're close behind. I don't even want to know what they did."

"Okay first of all cut down the swearing, it's not doing anyone any favours," Jenny said appalled at Lauren's potty mouth, "Second, we should probably get ready for a waterfall drop!"

"Alright," Malcolm cheered, "Elitch Gardens rendition for the win!"

Basically all of the Mad Monkeys sans 'Chester' and Li Zhang were really looking forward to the thrill ride of the waterfall. And then they flew off the waterfall acting like they were on some sort of roller coaster before landing on the dry ground and still going. The turbulence had Mari fall off partially and holding onto the hind end of the totem pole.

"Okay this could make my face dirty later on," Aurora commented, "but I'm having so much fun that I simply don't care!"

"Darn kids today with their thrill rides," 'Chester grumbled when he heard Mari scream for help. That caused him to revert to Victor and say, "What the heck happened? Oh no, Mari!" Victor held out his hand to Mari who latched on and was pulled in.

"Oh Victor," said Mari gratefully and in relief, "you saved me."

"It was nothing," Victor said, "Zeyde taught me that when dad was doing rabbi business."

Meanwhile, the Crazy Crocodiles flew off the waterfall as well and landed on the ground only they didn't enjoy it as much; Abdul even spewed of the side from the turbulence.

"Uh can we stop the ride," Abdul groaned, "I don't want to do this anymore."

"What are you giving up," Jim said shocked, "I never realised you such a baby." No response from the Arab boy.

"Hey I just thought of something," Jonny proclaimed, "If we all lean forward we would create a more streamlined body, this means less drag and more speed."

"Wow, he knows his physics well," commented Sheila as the whole of the Crazy Crocodiles leaned forward to successfully overtake the Mad Monkeys.

* * *

**Confessional: Almost there!**

**Lauren: **Did the opposition just overtake us?! We're screwed.

**Mari:** Victor is so noble and cute. But we only just met so nothing too serious.

**Abdul:** I wanna go home.

* * *

Meanwhile at the bottom/finish line, the Nostalgia Critic was berating Chris Mclean.

"Chris, what the hell were you thinking," the Critic shouted, "nuclear waste is a serious health hazard!"

"No worries bro," Chris reassured his master, "most of it is away from the camp."

"Don't you dare call me bro," the Critic kept ranting, "I am your master so you will call me master! And I do not want to see your face again until all the waste is off the island. This place is worth a fortune and I do not want to lose it in a lawsuit!"

"Okay, master," Chris submitted the Critic's authority as he left to clean up the waste but as he did the Crazy Crocodiles totem pole trampled him as its riders got off. Suddenly, Midori decided to stay back and heal Abdul.

"Abdul is in no condition to help us," Midori explained to her teammates with Abdul being really dizzy, "what I don't want is people holding us back but I believe everyone counts so I'm going to make like Nurse Joy and heal him."

"What," Nessie exclaimed, "You can't just stop cooperating to help some unpatriotic loser!" Sheila looked at Nessie displeased at the racism.

"Never mind that," Jonny said, "we can do without."

So the remaining five Crazy Crocodiles struggled to lift up their totem pole liberating Chris only for the Mad Monkeys totem pole to trample him as well.

"Okay guys we are going to put our differences aside to work together and achieve victory just like the other team did," Jenny explained the next game move as she and her teammates got off, "that means you too Li Zhang. This is easiest if we spread our lift to prevent tilt. Now on the count of three. One. Two. Three!"

On Jenny's command, the Mad Monkeys easily lifted up their totem pole and managed to put it on the platform, ending the timer at 15 seconds.

The Nostalgia Critic noticed this, brightened up and said, "And the Mad Monkeys win the first round!"

The Mad Monkeys cheered at their victory while the Crazy Crocodiles groaned in failure, and it didn't help that their pole's timer hit zero and it started to cover them in urine. Chris laughed at their misfortune when he recovered but one glare from the Critic sent him to the woods.

"Mad Monkeys," the Critic explained to the team, "you overcame all odds to get here so I reward you with immunity from elimination."

"Yeah, why not like a prize," Aurora said disappointed.

"Look we're only just starting okay," the Critic finished off, "now after sundown, both teams will meet me at the elimination ceremony so I can show you how it's done. That is all. Now do whatever the hell you want. Oh and Crazy Crocodiles, you might want a shower."

* * *

**Confessional: Oh they're gonna have to glue you back together IN HELL!**

**Aurora: **I didn't really like how there was no physical prize like well a physical but just immunity will do.

**Victor:** Now, I will try my best to hold Chester back in the future but don't get me wrong I have more in stock for you.

**Jim:** Abdul is such a pansy. Nessie's racism is justified.

**Nickolas:** I don't wanna go home!

* * *

A while later, all 14 campers were at the communal washroom to clean up for the night, especially the Crazy Crocodiles who desperately needed to wash the pee off. In the washrooms, Jonny and Jenny were conversing.

"Brother, I'm actually glad to be showering together," Jenny said, "It's practically one of the only times we can be together outside the mess hall."

"That's nice sis," Jonny responded, "but onto another subject. I don't really like Midori."

"Let me guess, she won't stop stalking you," Jenny assumed.

"Yeah you could say that," Jonny continued, "but more importantly she is a hypocrite, saying she'll help Abdul or else he'll hold us back when she did that very thing! Oh that makes me so cross!"

With that, Jonny left the shower to dry up and put his clothes only to see Jim hold them in the hair. Luckily for the redhead, he was not the more naïve Malcolm and went to kick Jim's crotch, pick up his clothes and leave quietly.

When Jim recovered, we approached the naked Jenny and said, "Hey toots, mind if I join in?"

"Get lost you pervert," Jenny retorted, "Have you learnt nothing from being kicked in the kiwis?"

"Okay no need to get hasty, however sexy that is," Jim continued, "anyway, Abdul is a complete wuss so I'm going to vote him off."

"Do what you want," Jenny concluded, "It's not my team so it's not my business."

So Jim turned around to see Victor before taunting, "What's the matter mon, you chicken?" Evidently, Victor refused to use the shower.

"No I am not," Victor retorted, "I'm not allowed to." Almost instantly, Jim pushed Victor into another shower booth and left the cold water running before running out. Victor got back up and turned off the water and he was dripping like mad. He now hated the Jamaican hulk for what happened.

* * *

**Confessional: Twins in the same shower!? You're lucky nothing interesting happened!**

**Victor: **Sacre bleu! That meshuggener! How dare he push me down like that! Oh and me being banned from unsupervised bathing? I wasn't joking! I just don't want to spill any details.

**Jonny:** I rarely encountered bullies where I come from but when I do, I kick their kiwis. My mum taught me that in case any conservatives picked on me for being not their definition of boy.

* * *

Later that night, all of the campers, plus Chris and Chef, gather at the elimination ceremony, where the Nostalgia Critic awaits. He stands in front of the oil drum podium with a tray of 13 marshmallows the two interns side-by-side and the campers on the tree stumps facing the Critic.

"Greetings campers," the Critic said calmly, "welcome to the first campfire of the season. It is here I eliminate campers after each episode of the season. And to keep track, we have flags representing you if you take a look around."

There are 13 flagpoles representing the campers and the flags are as follows:

The UAE flag representing Abdul,

The Quebecois flag representing Victor,

The Caribbean flag representing Nessie,

The British flag representing Jonny and Jenny,

The Venezuelan flag representing Aurora,

The Central Commune flag representing Malcolm,

The communist Australian flag representing Sheila,

The French flag representing Mari,

The Jamaican flag representing Jim,

The Canadian flag representing Lauren,

The Chinese flag representing Li Zhang,

The Japanese flag representing Midori,

And the Mickey Mouse motif Greater Californian flag representing Nickolas.

"If any of you is voted off the island, the flag representing you will lower to reflect on your shame and dishonour," the Critic continued explaining, "Now will the Mad Monkeys each get one marshmallow then move off to the side?"

The Mad Monkeys got their marshmallows leaving only the Crazy Crocodiles. Then the Critic continued explaining, "And now for some questions. Abdul, how was the challenge?"

"It was stupid," the Muslim boy answered, "I got dizzy, I have to thank Midori for healing me with vegetarian sushi." Midori blushed at this.

"Nessie," the Critic asked, "what is your long term goal for Total Drama Tween Island?"

"To be honest I came for the oil recently discovered here," Nessie replied, "and Sheila won't get off my back. What's her problem? It'll earn my millions."

"Last question," the Critic said one more time, "Jonny, what is with all the physics knowledge?"

"I am a physics nerd," Jonny answered, "It was from there I formed a popular clique of which I am head of. It's to get people smarter if they want to join."

"Okay," the Nostalgia Critic continued, "Now, as was demonstrated by the winning Mad Monkeys, marshmallows, a symbol of a fun, happy, social camp experience, represent life here. When I call out your name, come up and claim your marshmallow. The person who does not get a marshmallow must then walk the Dock of Shame and board the Boat of Losers and you cannot EVER come back. The elimination will be determined democratically, that means you vote for who leaves. You may now use the confessional to cast your vote."

* * *

**Confessional: It's voting time!**

**Jonny: **(He holds up a vote for Midori). That was a dumb move you made. And I cannot tolerate your stalking anymore.

**Jim: **(He holds up a vote for Abdul). You are a complete wuss. It's time to go.

**Sheila: **(She holds up a vote for Midori). Just eliminating Nessie will teach her nothing. You were the next one on my list.

**Nessie: **(She holds up a vote for Sheila). Get your hippie commie ass back down under!

**Midori: **(She holds up a vote for Abdul). Gomenasai, Abdul-kun. I had no-one else to vote for.

* * *

After the votes were cast, Chris brought the over to the Critic for counting. However the results are not immediately apparent. "You have made a decision," the Nostalgia Critic continued, "I will now hand over the marshmallows. The first one goes to…"

…

…

…

"Nickolas,"

…

…

…

"Nessie,"

…

…

…

"Jonny,"

…

…

…

"Jim,"

…

…

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"Sheila,"

Abdul and Midori remain. One marshmallow remains. "Right you two, this is the final marshmallow of the evening."

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

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…

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"Abdul."

Abdul felt relieved as he was given the marshmallow. Midori on the other hand could only stare as Chef lowered her flag.

"Midori," the Critic said, "you are the first camper out. What do you have to say for yourself for your hypocrisy?"

"Well I," Midori muttered, "I'm so sorry. I just thought too much of the team and not enough of myself. But I have some leaving gifts in case I did lose."

Midori went to her former quarters and came out with a bag. She gave a Fullmetal Alchemist manga to Victor, more vegetarian sushi to Abdul, a katana sword to Jim which Chris immediately confiscated, a Madoka Kaname doll to Mari, a digivice to Malcolm, a Nintendo DS with Pokemon Platinum to Sheila, some karate scrolls to Li Zhang so he could learn martial arts outside of kung fu, model dragon balls to Nickolas, a Naruto headband to Lauren, some pocky to Aurora and some ramen to Nessie.

When Midori got up to Jonny, he rudely said, "What do you want?"

"Here you can have this," Midori said as she handed over a piece of wood carved in the shape of North Korea.

"Uh, thanks," Jonny said calmly.

"No problem," Midori said as she went on to give a piece of wood carved in the shape of South Korea to Jenny. She then got on the boat of shame, shouted, "Sayonara everyone," and left the island.

Shortly after, the Critic said, "Well that was unexpected. And now for one last piece of information. There is an idol carved in the shape of my head called the Critic Immunity idol. Find it for a chance of instant immunity in case you get the most votes. That is all; you may now leave for bed."

As the campers went to bed, the Nostalgia Critic turned to the camera and said, "Well that was an epic start. But don't worry there will be much more. One camper is down and thirteen remain. Who will be the second off the island? Find out next time on Total Drama Tween Island!"

* * *

Well Midori's gone. I know some of you may have liked her as an otaku stereotype lampoon but she was only filler for the story. The items she gave however will come out to be more important, well some anyway.

* * *

Votes

Abdul: Midori

Jim: Abdul

Jonny: Midori

Midori: Abdul

Nessie: Sheila

Nickolas: Midori

Sheila: Midori

XXXXX

**Midori** - 4

**Abdul **- 2

**Sheila** – 1

* * *

**Mad Monkeys:** Aurora, Jenny, Lauren, Li Zhang, Malcolm, Mari, Victor.

**Crazy Crocodiles: **Abdul, Jim, Jonny, Nessie, Nickolas, Sheila.

**Eliminated: **Midori.

* * *

**Next time: **One camper earns instant immunity for some reason (NO IT IS NOT THE IDOL!) but the rest are forced to confess to Chris their darkest secrets.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker of That Guy with the Glasses.

**Note: **Every May 21 is my birthday. This year's birthday was cool. There wasn't much in the way of presents in a typical sense except for money courtesy of my grandparents but my dad took me out for steak dinner which was awesome. Also, my Deviantart friend, Baconbaka has been drawing my characters in his own way. He's done 8 out of 14 thus far but the most recent 4 came in almost simultaneously on my birthday. Check them out. And don't forget to read my other fanfic, Super Tai Galaxy. Speaking of which, I had only just realised there was one more birthday present as a fanfic user called shadowmwape faved it; he was the first one to do so since I uploaded that story on the 17th of February 2012. As a result, I shall star one of that story's characters here as a special guest.

* * *

It was night time at Camp Wawanakwa and the Nostalgia Critic stood on the Dock of Shame to recap the first episode.

"Last time on Total Drama Tween Island," The Critic said cheerily, "I started my career as a reality show host. Look I had to find something to do outside reviewing crappy movies.

"Anyway, I met 14 kids from all over the world. Oh and did I forget to tell you that I jumped forward 15 years into 2028? That meant country borders had been altered at, sadly, the cost of the United States of America; my home town of Chicago is Canadian property now. But enough about my personal life, let's talk about the contestants.

"We have a tomboy from Toronto, Canada called Lauren,

"The daughter of the ruling oil tycoon of Austin, Caribbean Union called Nessie,

"A Jewish skater dude from Boston, Quebec called Victor (yes Quebec broke off and annexed Massachusetts),

"A cute little girl from Paris, North France called Mari (that's right, France had split in two),

"A nasty bully from Kingston, Jamaica called Jim,

"A territorial tiger from the mountains of China called Li Zhang,

"A comic book nerd from Seattle, Greater California called Nickolas,

"A commie hippie from Sydney, Australia called Sheila (seriously why hasn't communism died off, I don't get it)

"Two inseparable twins from Worcestershire, Anglo-Celtic Dominion called Jonny and Jenny,

"A valley girl from Caracas, Venezuela called Aurora,

"An otaku from Tokyo, Japan called Midori,

"A naïve commune dweller of the former American Midwest called Malcolm,

"And an Islamic bookworm of Dubai, the United Arab Emirates called Abdul."

"The contestants were later sorted in the Mad Monkeys and Crazy Crocodiles and already all sorts of relationships were being formed; nothing romantic yet but still. After lunch I sent them over to their first challenge: sending totem poles back to camp. It was there that Jonny revealed to us his knowledge of physics and applied it to his team earning an initial lead. But although the Monkeys initially lagged behind no thanks to Victor becoming Chester, they won the challenge. Why? Midori held her team back to look after Abdul who had gotten motion sickness."

"As a result of this, plus the accidental flash of panties, Midori was the first camper to leave the island but not before she gave gifts to the other campers to remember her by."

"Who will win? Who will lose," the Critic said rhetorically, "And what else do our campers offer me? Find out on this episode of Total Drama Tween Island!"

* * *

(Theme song; I wanna be famous)

* * *

**(Mad Monkeys; Guys)**

* * *

In the boys side of the Mad Monkeys cabin, Victor was calmly reading his Fullmetal Alchemist manga from Midori while Malcolm was fiddling with his digivice.

"Oh, how do you get this do-hickey to work," said Malcolm frustrated.

"Hey what's the matter Malcolm," Victor said putting his book down, "can't you work your digivice? I'll bet it was from the lack of technology where you come from."

"No no," Malcolm quickly corrected his roommate, "the Commune is not technologically backwards. We're not Amish you know. We still have internet, videogames and robotic farming machines, of course work comes first which doesn't really bother me as it is pretty much tradition."

"Here give me that," Victor said as he took Malcolm's digivice and turned it on before giving it back, "There. From here on out, I expect you to look after your digimon should it hatches. It's like a tamagotchi really."

"Wait, I remember using one," Malcolm recalled, "so I'm guessing digimon would be little different. Is it?"

"Well there is a huge difference," Victor explained, "unlike tamagotchi, you can link two digivices so that the two digimon can duke it out and become stronger."

"I personally don't believe in competition very much," Malcolm admitted, "but if it's part of raising digimon then so be it I guess."

"Well I'll tell you more tomorrow. Good night." Victor fell asleep when Chester suddenly said, "Oh great I'm surrounded by kids!"

Malcolm knew this was going to be a long night indeed.

* * *

**Confessional: The first night at camp. What a day that was.**

**Victor:** My older brother, Jacques was a huge fan of Digimon so naturally he showed it to me. Slowly I became a digimon fan to the point of owning a digivice. I brought it with me so I don't get bored.

**Malcolm: **I'm only at the egg stage but when it hatches it gets serious.

* * *

**(Mad Monkeys; Girls)**

* * *

Mari was hard at work at one of her new outfits for tomorrow but Aurora with pocky in her mouth was staring at her uneasily.

"Seriously Mari? A Madoka Kaname La La Loopsy doll," Aurora said, "that is a rare model. I am so jealous."

"Really," Mari said, "I didn't know that. Do you have a La La Loopsy doll collection or something?"

"I have a few," Aurora admitted, "but I had always wanted that rare doll for if I did have it, the entire student body would do my bidding just to look at it. I'm actually surprised someone like Midori would have it."

"Well maybe it was commonplace in Japan I think," said Mari with uncertainty so she turned to Jenny, "isn't that right Jenny."

"Well what you are seeing here is the product of two corporations combining their ideas for a little extra dosh," Jenny explained, "It's called a joint project. If you remember Kingdom Hearts which was a result of Disney and Square Enix working together. I'm personally glad they did. In this case here, it was MGA Entertainment, Shaft and Aniplex that took part in the joint project."

"Wow, thanks Jenny," Mari thanked the ginger girl, "You know you are really smart and wise."

"Trust me," Jenny said, "Me and Jonny are both quite popular at our school."

* * *

**Confessional: Knowledge. That's another thing those twins share.**

**Jenny:** I may miss Jonny but I got really cool roommates to make up for it. For one thing we have a common background of being quite popular at school. I'm not so sure about Lauren though.

**Lauren: **I had no idea what my roommates were talking about but I wouldn't have enjoyed it.

* * *

**(Crazy Crocodiles; Guys)**

* * *

Jonny was looking at his carving of North Korea and tried thinking of a reason Midori gave it to him.

"I don't get it," he said confused, "why do I get a carving of a repressive country when most of the others something cool?"

"Cool is right," Jim angrily said, "I have always wanted a sword but that damn Chris took it off me!"

"Look. It's probably for the best," Jonny retorted, "swords are weapons and weapons are a safety hazard and therefore must be handled with great responsibility, which he assumed you don't have."

"Hey I'm not some loser, I'm an aspiring warrior! What the difference? One's a job and the other's a mental sickness!"

"The Critic wasn't worried about that! He probably thought you'd use it for bullying!"

"All right you two that's enough," Abdul shouted to the two arguing, "You're both fighting over some silly object! Now if we could just forget about it then we could have a nice beauty sleep, especially me. Now if you look at Nickolas, he knows how to behave at night."

Sure enough, Nickolas was fast asleep. Both Jim and Jonny thought that arguing wasn't worth it anymore and so went to sleep.

"_Ah, peace and quiet at last,_" Abdul thought as he went to sleep.

* * *

**Confessional: Jarate!**

**Abdul:** I have a few important reasons to keep the peace. One, it keeps the team together. Two, although I may not like who is in my team, I must treat them with dignity and respect. I do not want to do jihad.

**Nickolas: **I had no idea what happened but I slept like a baby. Hooray for being outside Disney's regime!

* * *

**(Crazy Crocodiles; Girls)**

* * *

Nessie was out in the wild looking for oil. She looked at her device to see where it could be. "Now daddy did say there was oil in Wawanakwa but where?"

"Hurr!" An ungodly sound made Nessie jump. "Who's there," she said shivering. "Rruh!" There it was again. Nessie was really scared now.

The bushes rattled so Nessie naturally pointed here torch at it and out came what appeared to be the BLU engineer from Team Fortress 2. Only it wasn't; its mouth was mutated to look like a vertical slit, as if it were a vulva. "Ytreporp ym fo ffo teg," the thing shouted and then that really did it. Nessie had run away screaming all the way back to her side of the cabin.

In the girls' side of the Crazy Crocodiles cabin, Sheila was calmly dreaming of dolphins when the sound of the door woke her up. Nessie had returned.

"Ugh," Sheila groaned, "what did you have to wake me up for?"

"I was out for a night walk when suddenly some freakshow appeared," Nessie was fearfully saying, "its face was nightmarishly ugly and it spoke in some alien language!"

"You were probably going out looking for oil again," Sheila said skeptically, "You can't fool me. As for the monster, it was probably a hallucination summoned by karma. Now go to sleep!" Sheila want back to sleep.

"_I don't think I'll want to sleep tonight,_" said Nessie thinking about the mysterious monster.

* * *

**Confessional: Dnalsi neewt amard latot.**

**Nessie: **That was the second worst night I had slept through. That creature gave me nightmares!

**Sheila:** You can only go so far polluting the environment before it bites you back in the kiwis. That's what my grandad used to say to which I found kind of strange since I do not have kiwis.

* * *

The next morning, all of the campers were having breakfast. It would appear that the Nostalgia Critic had given Chef quite a long lecture resulting in an edible bowl of porridge, which most campers disliked.

"Oh my god," Jim laughed at Nessie whose head was in the bowl, "you look like crap!"

"Jim, that would be unacceptable," Abdul scolded the big guy, "that's not going to ensure your popularity."

"Well I on the other hand had the best sleep," said Nickolas cheerily, "It was the first night outside Disney's jurisdiction."

"Well that I congratulate on bud," said Jonny, "If your happy, I'm happy. This almost makes up for losing my sister to the enemy team."

Meanwhile, on the Mad Monkeys table, all of its members, except Li Zhang who was eating outside, were admiring Mari's new outfit. Today it was a cherry red dress with a bow at the waist and a tulip in her hair.

"So, how do you like my new hair," Mari asked her teammates.

"It looks mighty fine on you," Malcolm commented before turning back to his digivice, "Come on. Hatch already!"

"Well I personally think you are very cute in it," Victor politely commented which made Mari blush.

"Oh come on guys," Aurora said uninterested in Mari's fashion sense, "you cannot like idolise some lame-o Mary-Sue."

"I'm with you for once," said Lauren to Aurora, "she looks like a dweeb."

"Now be nice," Jenny scolded the two, "Mari put a lot of effort into that cute dress. You're probably jealous."

Suddenly, the door opened and Li Zhang was pushed in by Chris McLean who laughed at his own action. The Nostalgia Critic looked rather cross. The campers looked quite scared.

"Good morning campers," the Critic said gravely, "I have some serious news to tell you."

"What is it," Nessie said quickly emerging from her porridge, "It had better not involve that monster from last night!"

"No it isn't," the Critic continued, "As soon as Midori left, I looked through her luggage, which is what happens to yours from now when you are eliminated. And I have found unwanted material in it. They were Sailor Moon DVDs."

"Sailor Moon," Sheila said skeptically, "that show's harmless. Besides, that's Midori for you."

"Look you don't understand," said the Critic, "I hated that show! Now I am going to do it some justice! So while I am gone doing what I do best, Chris McLean will replace me for the day." He then turns the Chris and said seriously, "You had better behave Chris."

"Oh I will boss," Chris said while laughing sinisterly, "Now how's breakfast?"

"Well it's not perfect," said Jenny, "but tolerable. Chef can never top mum."

The Chef got cross. "Chris! Do something about that rascal," he shouted, "My cooking is fine as it is!"

"Okay Chef," said Chris laughing again, "Hey Corey, come over here."

A raptor dinosaur clad in orange and gold feathers and yellow scales appeared and said, "What is it you want me to do?"

"The ginger girl with freckles has critiqued Chef's cooking and he hates that. Punish her or else!"

"Fine," Corey said submissively as he went up to Jenny, raised his foot and said, "Look I am sorry. I don't like it either but I have to get paid." He grabs Jenny with that foot and scratches it with its big sickle claw. Jenny winced in pain.

"Alright that's it," the Critic said sounding a bit pissed, "Corey stop! You'll get paid anyway!" Corey gets off Jenny and runs away but the damage had been done; the cut was bleeding badly. "I am going to give you one last chance Chris. Misbehave one more time and I will kick your balls!" He turned to Jenny and said, "Look I am afraid you cannot compete today due to your injuries but thankfully it will not warrant a medivac. However you cannot vote at all tonight."

"Okay," Jenny said as Chef escorted her to the medical tent. The others are left at the hands of Chris McLean.

* * *

**Confessional: Chris is as demonic as ever.**

**Jonny:** That wanker! I have never met Chris and already he hurt my sister!

* * *

"Okay kids," Chris said, "follow me to the Bay of Dismay."

* * *

We cut to the Bay of Dismay where the Mad Monkeys are sitting in the red bleachers, the Crazy Crocodiles are sitting in the green bleachers and Chris is standing on a central platform with a scoreboard while wearing a blue tuxedo.

"Welcome to the 'Getting To Know You' trivia game challenge," Chris announced, "Everyone strapped in snugly?"

"Well yeah," said Abdul sarcastically, "If your idea of snug is unbearably tight."

"Yeah, pre-schooler sized harnesses will do that," Chris laughed, "I'll be asking the players some embarrassing personal questions and I mean majorly humiliating. If the player in question hits the poorly wired buzzer and owns their humiliation before the time runs out earns a point for their team. The team with five points wins. But if no-one owns up, this happens."

Chris hits a button that sends the Mad Monkeys bleacher underwater. They were underwater for a few seconds staring at that same vulva-faced monster from last night before resurfacing.

"Oh my god, there was a monster down there," Malcolm shouted hysterically.

"Oh really," said Chris, "That would be the vagineer. A pussy-faced backwards speaking monster that likes to eat people. You don't fess up and you will have to deal with him."

* * *

**Confessional: Gottam gottam gottam.**

**Victor:** Oh crap.

**Nessie: **Oh crap.

**Li Zhang:** Oh crap.

**Abdul:** I don't even know what Chris was thinking. I do not want to sin!

* * *

Well that was part one of episode 2. For those who are asking, who's Corey? That's the special guest I mentioned before. Oh and the vagineer? I'm sorry if I have offended you in anyway but I am fond of vagineers from Gmod. However I do not own the vagineer, it was created by J16FOX2, a youtube user. Oh and if want to know what vagineer looks like, go watch gmod videos staring them.

* * *

**Next time:** The Critic steps in for an alternative challenge and the second camper is voted off.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker of Channel Awesome.

**Note: **This chapter was written at the end of the first semester of my first year of university. As such there will be exams coming up. While most authors have had to stop to study, I will press on but due to the need to study progress would slow down. So please be patient.

* * *

Once the whole gang understands to horrible circumstances (either spill the beans and face bullying or risk facing the vagineer) Chris said the Crocodiles, "Okay Crocs. First question: whose middle name is Courtney?"

To Chris's disappointment, there only a few giggles, mostly from Jim and Lauren. "That would be me sure," Nickolas said shamefully as he hit the button and got electrocuted earning the Crocodiles one point.

"Don't feel bad Nick," Jonny said to his friend, "in spite of common opinion, Courtney is actually unisex. Mum's reminding everyone that."

"Thanks man," said Nickolas.

"Okay Monkeys," said Chris to the Monkeys, "who wears brown contacts on their black eyes?"

The Monkeys said nothing but Aurora blushed and sweated.

"I saw that," said Lauren to the Latino, "your sweat and red skin are a total giveaway!"

"Brown contacts are in fashion at the moment," retorted Aurora ash she pushed her button and got shocked.

* * *

**Confessional: Oooh. Naughty, naughty.**

**Aurora: **I just thought brown eyes were in okay?

* * *

"And we are at one all," said Chris as the Monkeys earned their first point, "Okay Crocs. Who here has schizophrenia?"

No answer from the team. "_Oh crap, he cannot have known that,_" thought Nessie but kept her cool so as to not attract suspicion.

"No," said Chris as he chuckled, "then it's off the see the vagineer!"

Chris hits his button dunking the Crazy Crocodiles as they confronted the vagineer. Nessie shivered as she saw the monster from last night eat her up. The Crazy Crocodiles re-emerged with Nessie following soon after having broken free of the vagineer but covered in a white slime.

* * *

**Confessional: No comment.**

**Nessie:** (very angry) I am going to sue the pants off of Chris when daddy finds out! (Finds a bugle on her foot and picks it up) Hello, what's this?

**Vagineer: **(notices his bugle is missing and screams loudly over it).

* * *

Chris laughs at the Crocodiles' misfortune, "Hahaha. That was awesome! And now the Monkeys. Who here has…?"

"I'VE HEARD ENOUGH CHRIS!" It was the Nostalgia Critic furious over when Chris had done.

"Boss," said Chris, "Shouldn't you be watching your anime?"

"I was but I don't know Japanese," the Critic angrily explained, "I trusted you to behave but no you had to expose kids to a terrifying, nightmare inducing monster!"

"What? It didn't scare me," Jim interrupted but the Critic didn't listen.

"Oh and another thing, those are the contestants personal secrets your giving away," the Critic continued, "They could be facing a life without self-esteem because of you! It's their business and not yours! I'm taking over! Now go clean up the waste!"

"Fine," said Chris submissively as he went off to the forest mumbling under his breath over his dislike of the Critic.

After this charade, the Nostalgia Critic calmed down and said to the campers, "He won't bother you again. I made sure of it. But don't worry; I have developed an alternative challenge for you to do. Just follow me."

* * *

**Confessional: Everything went better than expected.**

**Victor:** Oh thank God.

**Li Zhang: **Oh thank Confucius.

**Nessie: **Oh thank daddy.

**Abdul: **Well so much for Chris. He won't survive a minute in Saudi Arabia the way I see it.

**Sheila: **Well that's Midori for you.

* * *

While the Critic was leading the campers to the alternative challenge, some of them were in active conversation.

"Woo wee, at least Chris didn't ask me anything," said Malcolm relieved, "it would have been a disaster."

"Well what is your secret," asked Lauren.

"There was this one time I drank a bit pa's beer to see what it had tasted like." The rest of the team started laughing.

* * *

**Confessional: I'm drunk. You don't have an excuse.**

**Malcolm: **Why is the outside world so cruel?!

* * *

Abdul went up to Victor for some reason.

"Hey Abdul," Victor said, "look if you're going to bash me over Israel and Palestine, trust me, I may be Jewish but I prefer a two state solution; give Palestine another chance while keeping Israel."

"As tempting as that sounds, no I'm not here for that," Abdul explained, "I am here to make an alliance."

"But we're on different teams," Victor pointed out.

"That need not matter," Abdul continued, "We shall call ourselves the Children of Abraham. We could show the world that Jews and Arabs can co-exist without conflict."

"If that's so can Mari join," Victor requested, "She's Protestant."

"Yeah sure," Abdul replied, "I don't see why not. At least she's not Catholic."

* * *

**Confessional:** **There exist Israeli and Palestinian parties calling for the two state solution but these two have the right heart.**

**Victor:** Cool an alliance. And Mari is invited. Let's see what Protestants think of the whole issue.

**Abdul:** I did what I had to for the best of both. But Catholics are an abomination the Abraham's teachings! I can only hope that the rest of the Middle East does something about the Romans.

* * *

When everyone got there, the Nostalgia Critic explained the alternative challenge, "Okay kids. May I present to you the Mad Skills obstacle course? This relay race begins at the kick start, and then we have the cannon ball run, wrecking ball alley, the gang plank, double trouble and finally the grand slam."

The obstacle course itself had the huge kicking boot to start off, cannons shooting from the side, spinning logs with wrecking balls, platforms with mutant beavers eating away at their supports, rubber balls to jump over and a huge baseball glove with swinging ropes to finish it off.

"Oh and I almost forgot," the Critic continued, "You have to be wearing drunk glasses just to ramp up the hard factor. No take your positions!

"At the kick start is Jim vs Aurora,

"At the cannon ball run is Sheila vs Li Zhang,

"At wrecking ball alley is Nessie vs L,

"At the gang plant is Nickolas vs Mari,

"At double trouble is Abdul vs Victor,

"And finally at the grand slam is Jonny vs Malcolm."

"First team to finish wins immunity and the other loses someone tonight. And as this is a relay race, you will need something to pass."

Chef hands over a baby crocodile to Jim and a capuchin monkey to Aurora.

"And go!"

The boot kicks both kids. Jim falls down with the crocodile biting his butt while Aurora cautiously hands over her monkey to Li Zhang who reluctantly takes it.

* * *

**Confessional: And away we go!**

**Aurora:** I don't like to handle monkeys. They are gross beyond comprehension!

**Li Zhang:** I may have been tempted to quit but I know one thing, work leads to merit. And I am better than anyone else here.

**Jim:** I can't see $&^#.

* * *

Jim manages to hand over his crocodile to Sheila just as Li Zhang easily slips through the cannon balls.

"Oh two can play at that game," said Sheila as she put her mind into meditation mode and easily slip through the cannon balls.

* * *

**Confessional: People have often complained that Australia had become a second China. Did that come as evidence?**

**Li Zhang:** Oh and I forgot to tell you. All those years with kung fu had made me make use of my other senses besides sight.

**Sheila: **Back at home, I used to meditate all the time. Aren't you surprised? You probably expected the government back home to ban all mystical activity right?

* * *

Sheila and Li Zhang had given their animals to Nessie and Lauren at roughly the same time. Nessie was treading carefully on her log but one of the wrecking balls threw her at Nickolas who promptly took the crocodile. While he was hopping, one of the platforms broke courtesy of the mutant beavers. He ran away from them screaming to avoid the beasts.

Meanwhile Lauren had quickly conquered her part and gave the monkey to Mari who hopped by smoothly due to the beavers being distracted. This guaranteed her passing to Victor but then he just stood there.

Nickolas caught up soon enough to give the crocodile to Abdul who bounced through the balloons and right into the mud because Jonny distracted by his thoughts about his sister.

* * *

**Confessional: You big head wanka!**

**Abdul: **Look I may be in an alliance but my team comes first. I don't want to make anyone too suspicious.

**Nickolas:** When I gave the crocodile to Abdul, I decided to let the beavers chase me just to lose a few pounds.

**Lauren:** I am naturally an athletic figure but seriously I can't see %#^ .

* * *

Victor stood there thinking about how he could get past the balloons.

"Oh dear," he said, "How do I do this? I'll have to be a gymnast to get past this." Suddenly his mind snapped and he began to take a more feminine pose. "Looks like a job for Svetlana, top gymnast of the world," said Victor's new persona Svetlana as she jumped around the balloons with ease and gave the monkey to Malcolm.

Abdul's second attempt was more successful and he gave the crocodile to Jonny. The last two had simultaneously run to their ropes and swung. What they didn't count on was the baseball bats in the way. Jonny had hit one of them and fell into the mud but Malcolm had successfully landed on the glove.

"And the Mad Monkeys win again," said the Critic.

The Mad Monkeys cheered for Malcolm but the Crazy Crocodiles were dismayed.

"Monkeys, you can have a shampoo kit," the Critic explained the prize, "Crocodiles, I'll see you at sundown. Until then, do what you want."

* * *

**Confessional: Ouch!**

**Victor: **Jesus! Another one? Never mind. Svetlana could actually prove useful.

**Jonny: **I really need to leave Jenny out of my mind.

**Malcolm:** Did Victor become Svetlana? I must look into this!

* * *

Later that day when the Mad Monkeys were busy congratulating Malcolm for his lucky shot, Victor was sitting on the steps to his cabin embarrassed because of Svetlana. Jonny saw him while carrying a blob a pink fabric, went up to him and said, "Hey, what's the matter?"

"I don't know what happened," Victor explained, "but some way or another; I became Svetlana, a girl gymnast."

"I wouldn't worry about that," Jonny said, "I am proud to be a dude but I have worn girls clothes and taken part in girly activities; well actually I still do but no-one, not even me has complained once. Here you can have this."

Jonny gave the pink fabric to Victor who found out what it was, "Why are you giving me a pink ballet outfit?"

"So that you can feel in touch with your feminine side," Jonny explained, "don't feel ashamed, take pride. Shame only makes a person weaker."

* * *

**Confessional: Lock your doors everyone, Sissy disease is contagious!**

**Victor:** Well it's nice to see someone support me in this dark time. Well I must soldier on!

**Jonny:** It was one of my spare tutus I accidentally packed. Don't laugh!

* * *

Meanwhile in another part of camp, Nessie was walking around thinking about something.

"Tonight I shall vote for Sheila," Nessie said to herself, "I do not want to put up with her nagging anymore! Now how do I convince everyone else to vote for her?"

"**No you won't,**" snarled a foul voice in her head, "**If there is one thing I can tolerate even less than communists is crossdressers!**"

"Oh please," Nessie said, "Jonny has never harmed anyone before."

"**Don't be too sure. People like him are a stain on the human race! If we allow then to exist then they could influence others to take in the sissy fest.**"

"I think you are over-exaggerating."

"**You don't believe me? Just imagine your daddy in a dress!**"

Nessie winced at the thought and said, "Alright, you win! Actually come to think of it he did cause my team to lose. I think I know what to do."

Nessie went up to her team to discuss her suggestion.

"Guys I have made my decision," Nessie said to her teammates, "I wanna vote for Jonny."

"Any specific reason why," asked Abdul.

"I thought you were going to vote for me," said Sheila, "I'm only guessing since you don't like me nagging."

"Well I'm quite glad that you finally admit it," said Nessie, "but Jonny did get distracted right?"

"I'll bet it was his sister he was thinking about," declared Abdul, "separation of the two has done us more harm than good! Nessie I know what to do now!"

* * *

**Confessional: This oughta bring in ratings.**

**Nessie:** Look I wanted to vote for Sheila! But I can't because of those dumb voices in my head! (Covers her mouth).

**Abdul: **If I could organise a team swap, I could. But I want this team to win so it's important to drop dead weight.

* * *

Jonny was waiting outside the medical tent to see if his sister is alright. When Nurse Hatchet let him in, he saw Jenny all healed.

"Turns out all that were needed were cell regrowth powder," said Chef but this was interrupted as the two twins went to each other and started squeeing so he shouted, "Take annoying sounds somewhere else!"

The two went outside to discuss matters of Jenny's recovery.

"How did you recover so quickly," Jonny asked.

"Well Nurse Hatchet did say something about cell regrowth," Jenny said cheerily. "Now I am good as new!"

"Yeah but that doesn't change the fact that Chris did this to you," Jonny said bitterly, "God when I get near him, ugh, he is going to have his balls kicked!"

"Just forget about it Jonny," said Jenny, "We may be on different teams but are still here on the same island and we can be together outside of challenges. Just don't leave."

"Let's just hope I won't," Jonny said to himself.

* * *

Later that evening, all of the campers had gathered at the campfire elimination ceremony. Corey, Chris and Chef were at the flagpoles ready to lower the one representing the eliminated camper. The Nostalgia Critic stood at his oil drum holding a tray that had 12 marshmallows.

"Good evening campers," said the Critic, "welcome to the second elimination ceremony. Now, as the victors of today's challenge, the Mad Monkeys will now take their marshmallows."

The Mad Monkeys, one by one had each taken a marshmallow and sat back down.

"Crazy Crocodiles," the Critic continued, "one of you must leave the island and they cannot come back EVER! You may now vote."

* * *

**Confessional: It's time to vote yet again!**

**Abdul: **(He holds up a vote for Jonny) I am so sorry that I have to do this but you must pay the penalties.

**Sheila: **(She holds up a vote for Nessie) Looks like I trolled you that time! As if I'd vote off someone nice.

**Jim:** (He holds up a vote for Sheila) If I want to win, I have to preserve my teammates until the merge, and then I can beat them up. Thing is sissy boy is more important to this team than the hippy girl.

* * *

After the votes were cast, Corey brought them to the Critic for counting. But it is not time to call them out yet.

"You have made a decision now," the Critic said, "and now for the questions. Jonny, what was on your mind that caused your team to lose?"

"My sister Jenny sir," Jonny answered, "I cannot but help how cruel Chris McLean is the way he treated her. I'm also still a bit cross at you for separating the two of us."

"Oh, harshness," said the Critic, "Nessie, I have check the cameras. That's how I knew Chris was up to no good. That and I cannot understand Japanese. How does it feel to be the first person to encounter the vagineer?"

"It was horrible," Nessie mumble, "'Nuff said."

"Nickolas. How does it feel to have Courtney as your middle name?"

"It was kind of embarrassing since I thought it was a girl's name," said Nickolas. "But now I know it is unisex. I think we have Disney to blame for this."

"Now that we have the questions out of the way," the Nostalgia Critic said, "let's hand out the marshmallows. The first one goes to…"

…

…

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…

"Abdul,

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"Jim,

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"Nickolas,

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"Nessie,"

Only Sheila and Jonny were left. Only one marshmallow is left. "Oh look, one more marshmallow," said the Critic, "but only one shall take it and that person is…"

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

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…

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"Sheila."

Sheila was much obliged to take her marshmallow. Chef proceeded to lower the British flag but only up to halfway because, you know. But Jonny was still not happy nor was Jenny.

"I don't believe this," said Jonny in disbelief, "I thought you would forgive me because ultimately it was Chris who indirectly caused my downfall."

"Oh crap what have I done," said Abdul, "I forgot about Chris! And here I am being selfish. Allah help me!"

"Okay I forgive you Abdul," said Jonny, "I must have lost via majority vote. I guess a lot of you didn't like the idea of a crossdressing contestant. Did you honestly think you could get rid of me? The idea is here to stay and just to be sure I have given my tutu to Victor. It's really for Svetlana."

"**See what I mean by it spreading?!**"

Nessie shuddered from the voice in her head.

Jenny was teary eyed. She wanted Jonny to stay on the island. She ran up to her brother and started crying.

"Please don't go," she cried, "It won't be the same without you."

"I didn't want to go either," Jonny started crying too, "but this had to happen."

And the two cried a lot as they went to the Boat of Losers. Due to the inseparability of the two, Chef was needed to pull them apart. He held Jenny back as he threw Jonny onto the boat.

"I'll miss you Jonny," Jeeny cried.

"I'll miss you too sis," Jonny cried back as the Boat of Losers left.

The Critic observing the whole thing said to himself, "Okay, that's a lot of ratings coming in." He turned to the campers and said, "Okay nothing to see here! Go to bed!"

* * *

**Confessional: Exactly like Katie and Sadie from the actual show.**

**Jenny:** (still sad) Jonny's gone and I probably will never see him again. Whoever did this is going to pay.

**Nessie: **I had never wanted this sort of drama! I really hate the voices in my head!

* * *

While Nessie was heading off to bed, she stopped momentarily.

"Alright this is getting out of hand," Nessie said to her mind angrily, "I did what you said and only caused more drama!"

"**But that is what Total Drama is all about.**"

"I don't care! I need help." Nessie ran back to her cabin to find an antidote. What she didn't know was that the vagineer was watching the entire time as it said, "Haimaloo!"

* * *

The Critic turned to the camera and said, "Well that was an eventful day: I told off Chris and two of the campers have been separated for good. Or have they? What sort of demon does Nessie have in her head? How stupid would Victor look in a tutu? And who would be the next person off the island? Find those out and more next time on Total Drama Tween Island!"

* * *

Well Jonny's gone. But unlike Midori, Jonny does not have a minor role to play here. If anything his story had just started. I know some of you may have liked him or not. Besides, I wanted to see a crossdresser compete on Total Drama.

* * *

Votes

Abdul: Jonny

Jim: Sheila

Jonny: Sheila

Nessie: Jonny

Nickolas: Jonny

Sheila: Nessie

XXXXX

**Jonny **– 3

**Sheila **– 2

**Nessie **– 1

* * *

**Mad Monkeys: **Aurora, Jenny, Lauren, Li Zhang, Malcolm, Mari, Victor.

**Crazy Crocodiles: **Abdul, Jim, Nessie, Nickolas, Sheila.

**Eliminated: **Midori, Jonny.

* * *

**Next time: **The campers have to climb up a high cliff. And Jenny won't stop crying.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker of Channel Awesome.

**Note:** Now I have been reading Baconbaka's fanfiction Total Drama Dictionary and I have to say it is awesome. He's quite fond of my work and has even volunteered to include my character Midori (his favourite camper) in his story. May he serve you well Midori-chan. Also Cragmiteblaster let me use his characters and so did Baconbaka.

* * *

The Nostalgia Critic stood on the Dock of Shame to give his recap of the last episode.

"Last time on Total Drama Tween Island," he was saying, "I was looking through Midori's luggage and thought it would be a good idea to give a proper critique of Sailor Moon so I left my intern Chris McLean in charge for the time being but it turned out that I don't know any Japanese so I decided to have my job back."

He got angry, "And whoop-de-^&$%ing-do! He was forcing secrets out of the contestants and potentially scaring them with a vagineer! I should have known he would do that given that he ordered our newest intern Corey the dinosaur to injure Jenny who as a result could not compete for the day!"

He calmed down, "Anyway, Abdul formed an alliance with Victor called the Children of Abraham for some reason and Mari's invited. I think it'll do jack$#( . We got to the alternate challenge, an obstacle course where there was roughly an equal footing. Malcolm only won because Jonny was distracted by how brutal Chris could be.

"And that was his downfall. That and Nessie convinced the rest of her team for some reason. This left the twins crying hard! Even now she won't shut up! Will she cheer up? And how will it be done? And what sneaky moves is Nessie going to try? Find out right here on Total Drama Tween Island!"

* * *

(Theme song; I wanna be famous)

* * *

**(Dock of Shame)**

* * *

Jenny was right at the edge of the Dock of Shame still crying over her twin brother's loss and seemingly permanent separation. Sheila just so happened to be nearby.

"Jenny, crying is not going to solve anything," said Sheila, "besides; Jonny would want you to keep going." But Jenny was still crying. "We should probably head back," sighed Sheila as she started carrying Jenny away who had torn off a bit of the dock form gripping so tightly.

"Oh Jonny," Jenny sobbed, "I miss you."

* * *

Meanwhile at the campfire, Corey was busy roasting pork sausages. "Aw man this is beautiful," he said as he ate one. He then saw Sheila bring Jenny, still crying, over to him.

"What's the matter is she freaking stupid," asked Corey still eating his sausage.

"Well, let's just say it was a long goodbye," Sheila replied.

Corey swallowed his sausage and said to Jenny, "Hey how long have you been together?"

Jenny calmed down just enough to talk, "Well practically forever. We have never been far apart. But not too close either so as to be conjoined twins. But then…" She had started crying again.

"Look that was to be expected given the context," Corey said be Sheila glared at him which meant, "That doesn't solve anything."

Corey was thinking of some ideas and then he got a few in mind.

* * *

**Confessional: I wish I had someone to speak to besides occupants.**

**Corey:** Alright, here's how it's going to go. I have two plans in mind for tomorrow. Plan A goes like this: Jenny is 13 years old and so is at an age when she can have a boyfriend. Well truth be told they can have relationships at any time, man humans are complex. Anyway, I will act as a boyfriend but being a dinosaur, I have hired someone to help me out. And if that doesn't work, there's plan B (calls someone on a phone that is allowed to have signal).

* * *

**(Mad Monkeys; Guys)**

* * *

Malcolm was curious about the tutu that Jonny had given Victor.

"Hey Victor," asked Malcolm, "Why did Jonny give this nice outfit."

"I don't know actually," said Victor, "Tutus are usually girls' clothing. With Jonny it's understandable given that he does wear girly clothes but why I get to have it is quite a mystery."

"Well whatever it is," Malcolm said caressing the tutu, "it's so soft and silky."

Victor is too embarrassed to let this go on any further so he took the tutu and said, "Okay that's enough. Let's talk about something else." He put it under his bed.

"Well okay," Malcolm said, "well my digi-egg had finally hatched. And why do I have twins? I don't get it."

Victor gasped in shock and said, "You just got lucky! The one with the black pixels is Conomon and the one in the white pixels is Zerimon. These are very rare, usually only one digimon is born from each egg."

Malcolm looked at his egg in amazement; who'd have thought that a communal boy that most likely smells from cow dung could get a rare hatch of some sort of digital monster.

* * *

**Confessional: That has got to be worth a fortune! You can forget about competing!**

**Malcolm:** What I just experienced is a one-time event that may never happen again. Also, the outside culture is kind of weird, who would be so cruel as to taboo boys from such silky stuff!

**Victor: **Due to Svetlana saving me yesterday, everyone would want to see her in action. Well maybe there is a use for that tutu after all.

* * *

**(Mad Monkeys; Girls)**

* * *

Mari was doing her sewing as usual, but was quite worried of Jenny's state of emotion.

"Oh gosh, poor Jenny," Mari said, "To lose someone very dear is certainly heartbreaking."

"Oh please," Lauren said rudely, "She's useless. We did fine without her. We might as well kick her off the island now."

"I heard that," said a stern voice. It was Jenny. She had returned, still a little bit sad but a lot calmer.

"Oh sorry I didn't see you," Lauren quickly said.

"You think I am not an asset to the team," Jenny said to Lauren, "well I think I should prove my worth as the team leader. Starting tomorrow, you will do as I say in the challenges. Any questions?"

"Yeah," asked Aurora while applying lipstick, "how are you like going to cheer up."

"Simple," Jenny replied, "Corey volunteered to cheer me up with a hot sexy body. Hey even I admire hot guy bodies you know."

* * *

**Confessional: How come I can't help out!**

**Jenny: **The only people on this island with 'hot' bodies are Jim, Li Zhang and Chris and they are assholes so they can be ruled out. Maybe Corey hired someone.

**Aurora:** Jenny's intention to look at hot bodies to get her mind off Jonny is like making me so jealous! I need a boyfriend now!

**Mari:** Out of all the boys here, Victor seems the hottest to me. Tomorrow I am going to do his hair and cause a lot of squees, mostly from me.

* * *

**(Crazy Crocodiles; Guys)**

* * *

_Nickolas was waiting in line for the newest issue of 'Aquaman' in the city of Townsville._

"_Oh, come on," Nickolas groaned, "I don't have time for this! I came all the way here away from Disney just to wait in a huge line?!"_

_Meanwhile in the air ducts, two chipmunk sized creatures dropped a small cherry bomb onto the counter. It detonated and caused a big fire and everyone was running away._

"_Uh, what the heck is…? Ahhh," Nickolas screamed as the fire inched closer to him._

_Fortunately, something zipped through the sky and stared down at the fire. "Alright, let's do this," said the new figure as it summoned a ball of water and threw it at the fire, dousing it. Everyone cheered it for saving the day but not before flying in and coming out with two chipmunks._

"_Sheila? Is that you," said Nickolas recognising the figure. It was Sheila who for some reason looked like a powerpuff girl._

"_Well, well, well," said powerpuff Sheila, "Chip and Dale. What do you want this time?"_

"_We wanted to claim Townsville as property of Greater California," declared Chip._

"_And we decided to take down the DC comic store to spread our message," said Dale._

"_I think I've heard enough here," said Sheila as she threw Chip and Dale into the sky. Nickolas ran up to her and she said to him, "Oh hey Nick. Just saving the day."_

"_Wow, Sheila," said Nickolas amazed, "If you hadn't arrived I could have been dead. How did you end up here in my dreams?"_

"_Well my friend," Sheila explained, "I have mind powers. I can infiltrate other people's dreams and affect their outcome. It was taught to me by grandad to relieve the dreams of the masses."_

"_I'm sure you'll do well," said Nickolas._

* * *

**Confessional: Greater California had annexed some territory already. Even in the dream world they try.**

**Nickolas:** I'm not exactly sure what happened in my dream but it was awesome! That really takes my mind off of Jonny huh?

* * *

**(Crazy Crocodiles; Girls)**

* * *

Nessie had returned to the woods to try again.

"Now where is the…? Bingo," shouted Nessie as she at long last found oil underneath her feet with her device. She had begun to dig underneath her.

"It's only a small start," Nessie said to herself, "but given enough time I should be loaded with oil to send off to daddy."

"**I have an even better idea. Let it all spill into the forest!**"

"I don't care Bedlam. I just want the oil and leave it at that."

"Woooooo!"

"Oh no," Nessie said fearing up again as she caught sight of the vagineer as it said, "Em ot sgnoleb taht gnihtemos evah uoy!" Nessie ran away back to her cabin screaming.

* * *

**Confessional: Hey I can understand backwards speech you naughty girl!**

**Nessie: **I had finally found my oil but that dumb vagineer ruined it for me! (Starts sucking her thumb).

**Vagineer:** Hurr!

**Sheila: **That poor Nessie just won't learn. And I wasn't kidding about going into others' dreams either!

* * *

Meanwhile in a secluded, well-hidden region of the island, Wallace has had Corey strapped to the wall for something.

"Mwahahahaha," Wallace laughed evilly as he set up his apparatus and explained to Corey, "So, I see you want to become a human being."

"Yes I do," said Corey taking note of his position, "But why set it up like this?"

"Because if I want the job done," said Wallace, "I'd prefer it in the most evil fashion possible." He then hits the button on his device and evil organ music starts playing out of nowhere.

"Okay, I am getting freaked out," said Corey.

"Anyway, that's how I lost my physics licence," said Wallace, "Now this is called the Biomorph 4000. It can turn any organism into what is displayed on the screen." He referred to the human shaped silhouette on the screen before putting in an old cell. "Unfortunately it uses a lot of energy so I'm putting in thorium cell so as to…" He tried to activate the machine but the cell exploded. Wallace's hair was set on fire but he quickly put it out.

"What the hell was that," Corey asked.

"That was progress my friend," said Wallace, "Hey Alec, go get me a bigger fresher thorium cell!"

"Will do, for SCIENCE," said Alec, Wallace's assistant as he went over to the storage box for the big cell. "No. No. Not this one. Gah. Oh, here we go." He found the cell he was looking for right next to a robo-pirate head.

"Kill me," said the robo-pirate head.

"Later," said Alec before giving the cell to Wallace, "Here you go boss. One large, fully charged thorium cell for your machine. This will bring glory to the world of SCIENCE!"

"Yes it will Alec," said Wallace as he inserted the cell into its slot. The machine charged up and eventually it was ready for use.

"Mwahaha, this is going to be fun," laughed Wallace as he activated the Biomorph 4000. The machine shot a green beam at Corey and he undergoes the transformation. Once that was done, Corey was set free as a silhouette.

"Wow, how do I look," asked Corey.

"It was a rousing success," said Wallace, "however the effects will wear off at sundown, after that you are back into a dinosaur. Come Alec, we must return to 2075!"

"For SCIENCE," uttered Alec as Wallace teleported both of them via his pocket watch time machine back to the future. Corey now stood there puzzled.

* * *

**Confessional: I'm going to saw through your bones!**

**Corey:** (as a silhouette) Well that went well, a little freaky but it had to happen. Now to wait until breakfast.

* * *

The next morning at the mess hall, the campers were eating their breakfast.

"Ugh," Abdul groaned at his unappealing breakfast, "now I understand why gruel rhymes with cruel."

"Hey guys," Nickolas announced to the rest of his team, "I had a bad dream last night. Well actually, it would have been bad had it not been for Sheila. She can infiltrate dreams and purify them."

"Well, that is actually kind of lame but imagine what nightmares I could bring if I had that power," said Jim as he ate his gruel but then started choking.

"Oh crap," gasped Sheila as she gave Jim the Heimlich manoeuvre and subsequently releasing a small beetle.

"Oh thanks toots," said Jim in relief.

"Screw you Jim," Sheila retorted, "I just wanted to save this little beetle."

A while later, Lauren was pulling a disgruntled Li Zhang to the Mad Monkeys table.

"What do you want," Li Zhang asked uninterested.

"Oh, I just thought you and me could have a little eating contest," Lauren explained, "or are you chicken?"

Upon hearing that, Li Zhang now had a competitive drive going, "Come at me!" The two were eating away at their gruel until Li Zhang had had enough, "You know what, screw this!" He hit his plate right at Victor's face and ran out the door again.

"Hey quit throwing your %#*^ing stuff at me," said Chester, "back in my day we ate with our hands like civilised folk!"

Mari was laughing at Victor's Chester 'act', "Oh Victor, you never cease to amuse me."

"Heh heh heh, just lightening up your day," said Victor having reverted back, "by the way you look pretty cool."

Today Mari was wearing baggy jeans, a blue hoodie and a low tie ponytail for a more masculine look. The others took notice of this.

"Ew," said Aurora in disgust, "you look like a bogan."

"I beg to differ," said Lauren, "I like her outfit." She turned to Victor, "You know you should probably drop the old man act but with Svetlana? How do you do it?"

"I don't know," replied Victor, "I practice in the mirror."

* * *

**Confessional: Some people prefer girls who act in a more boyish manner. True words of a liberal.**

**Nickolas: **With Sheila's cool powers, I'm more motivated. I shall carry on his legacy!

**Sheila: **I may have been taught to tolerate all but I was reminded that exceptions are allowed to apply if necessary. I don't abuse them but here it goes to Jim. The bug is kind of cute though.

**Lauren: **What happened next will probably mind&%*# you.

* * *

A while later, the Nostalgia Critic coaxed Li Zhang inside as usual while he gave the morning speech.

"Good morning campers," said the Critic, "As you know, last night Jenny just wouldn't stop crying so in light of this Corey, the guy who injured her in the first place no thanks to Chris, has volunteered to help her out. This is what he did."

The Critic stepped aside to reveal a blonde man with a gold headband with feathers, on orange tube top, orange detached sleeves, yellow gloves with grey claws, orange hot pants, an orange fake tail with gold feathers and yellow and gold shoes with grey claws and sickles.

"Everyone," the Critic said referring to the man, "this is what Corey looks like as a human being."

Instantly, Jim started laughing and Lauren muttered under her breath, "He looks really gay." For Jenny, the response is the opposite; she started squeeing at how cute Corey looked now.

* * *

**Confessional: Almost like a Jonny 2.0**

**Jenny: **Corey is just the cutest guy ever! He looks so hot that I suddenly got Jonny off my mind! I am happy again.

**Corey: **That's right, I have effectively boosted her morale, but I hope she won't be too distracted. Why do I look gay? Well you probably know that theropod dinosaurs like myself are ancestral to birds which tend to make males more fabulous than females, if you think peacocks.

**Nostalgia Critic:** Note to self, remind Chef to take remedial cooking classes.

* * *

"Now that that's out of the way," the Critic continued, "allow me to remind you that Jonny's luggage is missing a ballet outfit but I will not dwell on that in case Chris gets any ideas. And now allow me to direct you to your next challenge.

* * *

The campers follow the Critic over to a huge pile of rocks that is Mt. Looming Tragedy.

"Alright campers," the Critic explained, "for the first part of today's challenge, climb to the top of Mt. Looming Tragedy. You can do it with your bare hands or whatever's in that pile trash if you dare."

The Nostalgia Critic referred to the pile of junk next to him with a huge beetle in it. "For some reason, that giant bug infiltrated the pile and is territorial so only use it if you have balls! And I mean it in a metaphorical sense so females get involved."

* * *

Well, that's part one. What's the deal with Corey as a human? He is supposed to lampoon all the 'furries' that tend to pop up on image boards by being hot and gay looking because well, girls like bishounens. Also, Chip and Dale belong to Walt Disney, the Powerpuff Girls belongs to Craig McCracken and Wallace and Alec belong to Cragmiteblaster and Baconbaka respectively.

* * *

**Next time:** The campers climb Mt. Looming Tragedy, face each other in a snowball fight and someone is voted off. Oh, and what happens next will please Jenny.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker of Channel Awesome.

**Note: **I have recently been drawing other artist's characters for the hell of it and uploading them onto my Deviantart account. Most recently are Baconbaka's characters. Check them out.

* * *

Jenny was admiring Corey's body and even went as far as to rub it (well the clean bits anyway).

"Alright that's enough for now," said Corey.

"Aw but you are so hot," said Jenny disappointed.

"You can have some more of my good looks later if you lead your team to victory," said Corey as he ran off.

Jenny saw that her team is a tad disorganised: Li Zhang and Lauren were having a staring contest, Mari was applying a bit of shampoo to Victor's hair and Aurora was doing her nails. Only Malcolm seemed to be making any effort, albeit weakly. "Alright you lot," she said strictly, "get climbing!"

"Hey, since when did you…" Lauren was just about to say.

"Now!"

No-one else answered as they (except Aurora who wasn't listening) climbed up Mt. Looming Tragedy.

* * *

**Confessional: That took her mind off of Jonny for a second.**

**Jenny: **I did what I had to. Corey looks so hot.

**Lauren: **That ginger made me blink! You're lucky I won't vote you off just for that.

* * *

While Jenny was busy convincing Aurora to cooperate before giving up, Victor and Mari were conversing half-way up the 'mountain'.

"Children of Abraham," Mari said, "What's that?"

"It's an alliance Abdul made with me," Victor explained, "and you're invited."

Mari giggled at this just as Abdul caught up to them. "Well you two," he said, "you look great together. Plus your hair looks nice."

"Uh, thanks Abdul," said Victor, "and another thing, me and Mari are just friends."

"Okay," said Abdul, "Well later on when we have free time we can discuss…" The rocks Abdul was hanging on were starting to break off and he fell to the ground, thankfully landing on Nickolas.

* * *

**Confessional: If you think that's hard, try climbing Mt. Sinai!**

**Abdul:** Well thank Allah for Nickolas. He could be useful after all.

**Victor:** (Stroking his silky hair) Now just to clarify, Mari is a friend only, although she did make my hair so smooth.

* * *

Meanwhile at the bottom, Nickolas had just recovered from Abdul landing on him and began to think.

"Okay, now what would Jonny do," he asked himself then looked at the pile to see fireworks, "Alright, looks like I'll have to use these," but then the giant beetle from earlier ambushed him and he ran away.

Jim took sight of this and said meanly, "Aw mon, you are a wuss. Let me handle it!" Jim grabbed a sewer pipe in the pile and fought off the monster beetle. Nickolas decided to try again but the beetle breathed fire at the fat boy.

* * *

**Confessional: Why don't you let me try?**

**Nickolas:** Look, I wish I could get past that bug but I'm not superman.

**Jim:** Nick would make for a great punching bag. He's a loser.

* * *

Up on the 'mountain', Lauren and Li Zhang were getting competitive with each other.

"Will you just leave me alone," shouted Li Zhang.

"Okay I will," said Lauren, "on one condition. You have to beat me to the top!"

"And what if I don't," said Li Zhang resistantly.

Lauren looked down to Aurora who just sat there looking at herself in the mirror and called out to the Latino girl, "Hey Aurora! The Chinese boy said you were ugly!" Li Zhang growled at this.

"WHAT," Aurora yelled, "NO-ONE TALKS FLAK ABOUT ME!" She furiously ran up to Mt. Looming Tragedy and started climbing.

At the top, Chef Hatchet waited with some large ice blocks as he said to his walkie talkie, "Shall I sir?"

"Yes you shall," said the Critic from the other end. Chef quickly dropped ice blocks at the contestants. Victor and Mari successfully dodged out of the way but Malcolm was struck at the head. Lauren dodged them as she climbed up and reached the top.

"Yes! I win," Lauren cheered.

"Not so fast L," said the Critic via the loudspeakers, "I said the first team up. Get your damn teammates up there!"

Lauren growled as Li Zhang and Aurora made it to the top, the Latino girl trying to attack the Chinese boy who used kung fu for defence.

* * *

**Confessional: This oughta be good.**

**Nostalgia Critic: **Sorry about that, I just wanted to give them more challenge.

**Aurora: **I am not ugly! And I'll prove it with a hot boyfriend like with Jenny!

**Li Zhang:** (groans in irritation).

* * *

Down at the bottom, Nickolas was still shivering from fear and squeezing Abdul to near suffocation while Jim was duking it out at the giant beetle. Then Sheila realised something.

"Oh wait, hold on," said Sheila as she revealed the small beetle from earlier, "maybe this would solve everything." She threw the small beetle to the big one and wouldn't you know it the big beetle stopped trying to beat up Jim. Rather it went after the little one and began to hold it like a baby.

"Wait; let me get this straight," said Nessie sceptically, "So it was angry because it has lost its baby?"

"Yeah, I kind of figured that," said Sheila as Nickolas went into the trash pile with a sofa and some fireworks, "It was simple logic really. And speaking of which, Nick you've outdone yourself this time."

"Quick," Nickolas cried as he lit the fireworks, "get on! The whole thing's gonna go off soon!"

The Crazy Crocodiles did as Nickolas asked as the sofa fired high up into the air. Seeing this, Jenny said to Malcolm harshly, "Hey, what are you doing down there! Get up!"

It was too late. The Crazy Crocodiles had already landed on the 'mountain' with Nessie going first then Nickolas, Jim, Abdul and Sheila all in a tower. Needless to say, Nessie was squished.

* * *

**Confessional: For the most ideal human tower, put the heaviest at the bottom!**

**Nickolas: **That was fun! I wanna do it again! Also, I have to thank Sheila for helping me out again.

**Nessie: **Remind me to never breathe in a fat guy's farts. They reek!

* * *

"And the Crazy Crocodiles win part one of the challenge," the Critic said from the helicopter as he emerge from a helicopter and the Crazy Crocodiles, "And as a result, they win an advantage for part two, but more on that later." The Critic flew off.

Jenny was just about to reach the top when the rocks she was grabbing on gave way and she fell into Corey's hands.

"Oh, thank you Corey," Jenny said relieved, "but we lost didn't we?"

"Uh yeah," Corey explained, "There was a slight flaw in your leadership." Jenny gulped.

* * *

After lunch, the contestants follow the Nostalgia Critic to a chilly outpost in the forest where two big fortresses stand.

"Welcome to part two of today's challenge," said the Critic, "here we are going to play an old favourite: capture the flag. Each team must take the flag pole of the enemy base back to theirs. The team that does that wins immunity. As the winners of part one, the Crazy Crocodiles can take the brick castle and the Mad Monkeys can have the mud house. You can use snowballs to hold back any opposition and/or expose the flag. I'll leave you to it."

Each team went to their designated fortress. Corey went up to Jenny to explain his critique, "Hey Jenny, I have one more thing to say. Please tone down the authoritarianism; it's not doing anyone any favours. If you win, I'll let you kiss me."

Jenny gasped at the wonderful thought and said, "Okay I will, but it will not be easy."

* * *

**Confessional: Yeah, we do not want another Hitler. Now where is that prankster, Fegelein?**

**Jenny:** Okay, I got a bit carried away and now we have a crappy fortress.

**Jim:** Sweet! We got the good fortress! Guess Nick won't be getting a wet willie anymore, nah I'll do it anyway for the lulz.

* * *

Jenny turned to her teammates to explain some sort of strategy.

"Okay guys," she said, "we have a crap fortress so I want 3 people to stay back. Those are Victor, Mari and Malcolm, the latter of which is guarding the flag. The rest of you are going because you're clearly the strongest."

"Yeah, what she said," said Lauren, "are you both in or are you both chicken?"

Li Zhang hissed at this but then said, "alright but don't get used to this."

"Yeah I'm in," said Aurora, "You saw what I was capable of."

So the three went out to capture the flag. Victor meanwhile was using the catapult while taking pleasure in Mari stroking his hair and Malcolm clinged to the flagpole like there's no tomorrow.

Meanwhile, over at the higher quality fortress of the Crazy Crocodiles, Jim was giving Nickolas a wet willie for the lulz. Just as Sheila stopped him, Abdul said, "Hey guys. We've got trouble! Three of the opposition are coming over!"

"Okay," said Jim having released the fat boy, "Why don't you and Nessie go out and defend, Sheila goes on watchtower duty, and Nick and I sit back. The flag is too heavily fortified to worry about."

"I would point out the flaws of your strategy," said Abdul, "but I don't want a wedgie. Nessie, you're in?"

"Okay, I suppose," Nessie accepted as she and Abdul went out to counter Li Zhang, Lauren and Aurora.

* * *

**Confession: It's off to battle we go!**

**Abdul: **Okay, nit-pick time. Jim is way too confident about the flag's security. I wouldn't be surprised if a spy got in.

**Nickolas:** Jim's mean.

**Jim: **What's the Arab boy talking about? My plan is foolproof except in the case of spies but like that will ever happen.

* * *

Abdul and Nessie were cautiously walking over the ice when a voice met their ears. "Hey you!" It was Lauren and her posse.

"Okay, okay," said Abdul cautiously, "I don't want any strife. Now can you please let us through?"

"Pffft. Yeah right. You'll have to deal with us first," Lauren taunted as Li Zhang wielded his staff and Aurora flashed her sharp nails.

"Uh, right," said Abdul braving up, "We're taking you on all right, right Nessie?" Unfortunately for him, the ice underneath Nessie gave way and she got trapped in an ice block. Cornered, Abdul ran away back to his base when he tripped over a familiar face and got an idea.

Lauren, Li Zhang and Aurora were making their way forward when the suddenly catch sight of a giant beetle with Abdul riding it.

"Yeehaw," cried Abdul, "you're boned now!"

The three screamed at the monstrosity and ran back to their base with the beetle hot on their tail.

* * *

**Confessional: Go get 'em!**

**Abdul: **Hahaha! Now we're talking!

* * *

Meanwhile in the Mad Monkey fortress, some of Mari's shampoo had dribbled onto Victor's skin, turning it slightly red; they both giggled at this. When Lauren, Li Zhang and Aurora ran back in, Jenny took note of this and said, "Hey, what's going on?"

"Not my business," Li Zhang simply said.

"Okay, we just had it," Lauren explained, "but there's this big bug and stuff and…" The beetle and Abdul broke in; he looked ready to grab the flagpole.

"Victor, I need your help," Jenny said desperately, "Can you do Svetlana and help us out?"

"Hey, watch it," said Victor, "these good impressions are hard to pull off you know."

Then, Malcolm got a crazy idea and he said, "And the undefeated gymnastics champion, representative of Russia…"

"… It's Svetlana!" Victor had become Svetlana again.

"Hey, Victor! We're alliance partners! Children of Abraham?" Abdul's words fell on deaf ears as Svetlana jumped on his head and that of the beetle, knocking them out. Then she leapt right at the Crazy Crocodile fortress.

* * *

**Confessional: You know what I deserve? A medal for keeping secrets!**

**Victor: **I should probably come clean now. I have Multiple Personality Disorder. That would explain Chester and Svetlana but I'm afraid there's more to come.

**Malcolm: **Yeah, I knew what would summon Svetlana: Just mentioning the Olympics.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Crazy Crocodiles fortress, Jim was taking a nap. The baby beetle that had survived Svetlana's assault had arrived to tell news. Just as Jim woke up from the little beetle's stench, he noticed a letter it had somehow written.

"Hey what does this say," said Jim as he read the letter and got a shocked look at his fears coming true, "A red spy's in the base?!"

Jim quickly ran over to the chamber where his team's flag is held and was fiddling with the lock.

"Oh, crap," Jim mumbled to himself, "Why didn't I see a spy coming?"

"Look out!" It was Nickolas and he was rushing over to the door. He crashed into the door with Jim on it and entered the chamber, sighing in relief that the flag is still there. Then a small figure came in with Sheila's unconscious body and said, "Gentlemen."

* * *

**Confessional: Cameo time!**

**Jim: **(giving himself a wedgie) I will never forgive myself for this!

* * *

"Oh no," Nickolas cried as he went to Sheila, "don't be dead!"

"No worries, she's fine," said the brown haired, pale skinned, big-nosed midget with purple sandals, brown shorts, blue shirt and shades, "Name's Kyle by the way. From the planet of Bellurus."

"Don't you mean Belarus," asked Jim.

"No I mean Bellurus the planet," Kyle corrected the Jamican boy, "I'm an alien."

"Oh wow, an alien," said Nickolas in excitement, "do you have cool weapons?"

"Yes I do," replied Kyle as he got out his S.C.A.M.P.P. and shot the bird above with its laser, "this is high quality 2x4 technology, stuff that you may not handle safely. Anyway I came here upon word of the presence of a red spy. Did you find him?"

Jim and Nickolas shook their heads 'no'.

Kyle put on a more serious mood and said, "then you still have a problem," before pointing to Sheila's body. "And now he's here to hurt us! So listen up you freaks, or the annexation of Jamaica by the Caribbean Union will be the second worst thing that happens to you today."

Jim shuddered at the very thought of that happening.

* * *

**Confessional: What?**

**Jim:** That shorty! My country fought hard for independence from that oil drain!

* * *

Kyle began to explain such red spy's horrific progress, "The spy has breached our defences…"

* * *

_The big beetle having recovered from Svetlana had been driven out by Lauren, Li Zhang and Aurora. It had returned to defend the Crazy Crocodiles base but was punched into the sky by a mysterious figure._

* * *

"You've seen what he has done to your colleagues…"

* * *

_The so called red spy had infiltrated Sheila's quarters and started to brawl with her. She was shocked to see a familiar face but she was knocked out before she could say anything._

* * *

"And worst of all, he could be anyone of us…"

* * *

_The red spy had taken Abdul's knocked out body to a secluded area was considering wearing his clothes for disguise but decided not to. Then the bear came in._

* * *

Kyle's expression became more fearful, "He could be in this very room. He could be you! He could be me! He could even be…" Jim had knocked out Kyle with a metal pipe before anything else was said. Nickolas jumped in surprise.

"Aw come on you wuss," Jim said to Nickolas, "I get it now! He's the red spy."

"Um, I don't think he is," said Nickolas skeptically.

"Oh, you're probably right," said Jim, "Okay, who's ready to find the spy?"

"Right behind you," said the 'spy' as he knocked them both out.

* * *

Meanwhile at the Mad Monkey's base, the others were waiting for Victor to come back.

"What's taking Victor so long," said Mari who was worried.

"Yeah I do believe that question is like so null and void," said Aurora just as Victor had come back. He had dribbles of red shampoo to give the impression of blood, some badass hairdo, no shirt and a more serious face than what is usual. Everyone was bewildered.

"Okay, you have the flag pole," said Lauren, "you can quit over exaggerating that badass stance."

"Piss off b!tch," said Victor rudely, "name's Vito. I do believe you want this flag."

The whole Mad Monkeys team was shocked at the foul attitude of Vito, except for Aurora.

"Um, Vito," said Aurora, "I have thing to say. You're perfect!"

"Uh no," said Jenny, "That guy is rude. At least Corey is nice."

"But I like his badass attitude," Aurora countered before turning back to Vito to admire him a bit more when the Nostalgia Critic arrived.

"And the Mad Monkey's win yet again," the Critic said, "And here's your prize: hot chocolate because seriously you need to warm up. Now if you excuse me I'm going to tell the Crazy Crocodiles that they have lost again." The Critic left the scene.

* * *

**Confessional: What the hell was that crap?**

**Mari:** Um, I'm not so sure of Victor's Vito impression but he's still Victor.

**Aurora: **I told you that I would have a boyfriend before long.

**Victor: **Did Vito just show up? I thought Chester and Svetlana were hard enough to deal with! But him? He's impossible!

* * *

Nessie having thawed out was back to her oil hole.

"Okay, I'll just dig a little more and then I can vote," she said to herself.

"**Let me guess, you're voting for Jim.**"

"I have to, his plans sucked!"

"**But if you do that, you lose the brawn of your team! And strength will get you places!**"

"Well Nickolas is just as strong."

"**That fat guy? No way! Get rid of him or else!**"

"All right."

Nessie went back to camp to talk to her teammates about voting suggestions.

"Guys, I have come to a decision," said Nessie, "Nick must go."

"What," screamed Abdul, "Why not Jim? His plans sucked because he did not foresee a 'spy' and yeah, I got creamed by Victor who put me in a bear cave! I'm lucky to have escaped."

"Okay," said Nessie, "Well Jim still has brawn. So does Nick but he might get distracted by Superman daydreams."

Sheila and Abdul stared at each other for what happened.

* * *

**Confessional: Again with the manipulation?**

**Nessie: **Well I wanted to vote off Jim but Bedlam won't leave me alone!

* * *

At the beach during sunset, Jenny and Corey were sitting together.

"Wow, Corey," said Jenny, "I like being with you. You made my team win."

"How so," said Corey, "I only said be a bit more libertarian."

"Yeah, and Malcolm had power from here. He turned Victor into Svetlana but I think Vito was uncalled for."

"Yeah I can agree on that." "_Tell her now! The sun's setting!_" "Um, Jenny I…"

Corey's warnings were silenced by Jenny kissing him however because the sun had gone down, Corey turned from human back into a dinosaur and feared the worst. But Jenny pulled away calmly.

"Wait what happened," asked Jenny.

"Oh, yeah I hired some science weirdos to turn me into a human until sundown to make you feel better about losing Jonny. I hope you're not mad."

Jenny simply got up and walked away saying, "Aw don't feel bad. You did your job. Shame we can't go together though."

* * *

**Confessional: Well that went well.**

**Jenny: **Well so much for a boyfriend. Oh well, at least I'm happy again. Thanks Corey.

**Corey: **I guess plan B is not needed anymore but too bad it's still happening.

* * *

Later that night, the remaining campers gathered at the campfire. The Nostalgia Critic was at the oil drum holding 11 marshmallows. Chef and Corey stood to his sides.

"Okay campers," said the Critic, "I think you know the drill by now." He then faced Victor with a displeased face, "Victor, I cannot help but say you have hurt other campers."

"I understand sir," said Victor, "I guess I took my Vito impression overboard." He then waited disqualification.

"But do not worry," said the Critic having lightened up, "Since your 'victims' had healed, I will not disqualify you however your crimes cannot go unpunished. Tomorrow, I want to see you do a ballet recital, tutu and all. It makes for great fan service and subsequent ratings."

"Alright," said Victor calmly.

"Anyway," the Critic continued, "will the Mad Monkey's collect their marshmallows?" The Mad Monkeys got their marshmallows. "Crazy Crocodiles, time to vote."

* * *

**Confessional: Will it be the douche or the turd?**

**Nessie: **(She holds up a picture of Nickolas) I wanted to get rid of Jim or Sheila but Bedlam won't let me!

**Abdul: **(He holds up a picture of Nickolas) Look I am so sorry. You just seem the least useful here.

**Sheila: **(She holds up a picture of Jim) I don't care what Nessie says, there is no place on this island for bullies!

* * *

After the voting, the Critic counted them up and said, "Well I guess it is time for questions. Jim. Why are you targeted tonight?"

"They didn't like my idea," said Jim crossly, "This warrants wedgies!"

"Sheila. Are you a bug whisperer?"

"Well my name isn't Gareth," replied Sheila, "but yeah I can speak to animals, including dolphins."

"Abdul. How was the bear?"

"It sucked," said Abdul, "I nearly died in there!"

"Alright," said the Critic, "It's time to hand out the marshmallows. The first one goes to…"

…

…

…

…

…

"Sheila,"

…

…

…

…

"Nessie,"

…

…

…

…

"Abdul,"

Jim and Nickolas stared at the last marshmallow then the Critic said, "And the recipient of the final marshmallow is…"

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Jim."

Jim went up to pick up his marshmallow while Nickolas saw the flag of Greater California go down.

"Oh well," said Nickolas, "at least I got a break from constant Disney propaganda."

Nickolas walked down to the Dock of Shame to wait for his boat to arrive. But when it did, he saw a familiar face.

"Jonny," said Nickolas in disbelief, "is that you?"

"Oh course it is Nick my friend," said Jonny, "why don't you stay here for the reasons I have come back."

"Okay," said Nickolas, "whatever floats your boat."

Jonny went up to see his sister Jenny and excitedly went, "Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Jenny then went, "Eeeeeeeeeee!" And they both went to each other and squealed, "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" They were evidently glad to have met again.

"Oh Jonny," said Jenny, "I missed you so much!"

"Same here sis," said Jonny, "And boy was Midori annoying with her constant presence. Though I had to admit the costumes she made me wear were really cute, be it a maid outfit, a school uniform, her school swimsuit, hell even a Playboy bunnysuit. What's up with that?"

Jenny giggled at what her brother said and then said, "But wait, I don't understand it. Why are you back?"

"I'll be answering that question," said the Critic seriously, "Your damn mother made me do it! She threatened to sue me for potentially traumatising you! I said to her that something like that was in the contract but she threatened to make her entire town boycott this show. I am sorry for offending her but that's just how it is. As such, I have brought back Jonny to be an intern. Now I bid you good night." The Critic left for his quarters. Victor then went up to Jonny to explain some recent stuff.

"Hey Jonny," said Victor, "You know that tutu from yesterday?"

"Yeah. What about it," asked Jonny.

"Well I have to perform ballet tomorrow wearing it," Victor explained, "It's complicated."

* * *

As the kids went to bed and Nickolas left on the Boat of Losers, Corey stood on the Dock of Shame to give the outro, "Well the Critic ain't here right now but I now have a co-worker; here's hoping he'll put up with Chris. Now I wonder how Victor's ballet recital is going to go. Find out next time on Total Drama Tween Island!"

* * *

Well Nickolas is gone. He was quite fun to write for but he was mainly filler. If you liked him then great. Also he must badass himself for putting up with a bizarre regime based on Walt Disney. Mind you, I love Walt Disney. He was a revolutionary and if it weren't for him there would have been no Kingdom Hearts. Also Kyle is from my other fanfic, Super Tai Galaxy. Read it and tell me what you think. P.S. Do you like TF2 references?

* * *

Votes

Abdul: Nickolas

Jim: Nickolas

Nessie: Nickolas

Nickolas: Jim

Sheila: Jim

XXXXX

**Nickolas** - 3

**Jim – **2

* * *

**Mad Monkeys: **Aurora, Jenny, Lauren, Li Zhang, Malcolm, Mari, Victor.

**Crazy Crocodiles: **Abdul, Jim, Nessie, Sheila.

**Eliminated: **Midori, Jonny, Nickolas

* * *

**Next time: **Victor performs ballet in front of the other campers. Also, we go into the spooky woods at night.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker of Channel Awesome.

**Note: **I have been watching other Deviantart users such as xXxFeel-the-LovexXx who has volunteered to do requests for me. Oh, and I am no stalker, watching on Deviantart means your account can acquire images and literature from other users as soon as they upload it and put it in your messages.

* * *

The Nostalgia Critic had gotten up and pushed Corey out of the way to do his recap on the Dock of Shame.

"Last time on Total Drama Tween Island," he began, "Jenny wouldn't stop crying! So Corey, one of my interns had volunteered to lift her spirits. By motivating her hormones as a hot human being! How did that happen? He hired two scientists from the future to turn him from dinosaur to human. Wow, the future is cool.

"Anyways, Corey's procedure was working, Jenny had cheered up but it lasts until sundown. Anyways, the Mad Monkeys were fascinated by Victor being able to do gymnastics. Don't think I am not aware of his MPD but I will not tell anyone.

"Anyway, once at Mt. Looming Tragedy, Jenny began displaying authoritarian character which did not seem to affect Aurora. Seriously, she needs to stop using so much make-up. But even as Lauren continuously challenged Li Zhang, the Crazy Crocodiles got all the way to the top even if it meant taming a giant beetle.

"For the second part, Jenny had loosened up. This meant that Lauren sent herself, Li Zhang and Aurora to capture the Crocodiles' flag. But even if they couldn't get past the beetle from before, Malcolm managed to turn Victor into Svetlana only to become Vito as he lost his shirt on impact. Seriously, Vito is an asshole; he did rather cruel things to the other team to get the flag! But that didn't stop Aurora from falling head over heels at him. Anyways, the Monkeys won again and I had sentenced Victor to a ballet recital in a tutu, playing along with the rest. And yes I am aware that he has a tutu ever since Jonny gave it to him.

"Before the ceremony, Corey reverted back into a dinosaur but Jenny didn't give a crap, especially not since Jonny came back to be an intern no thanks to their mother. But in the end, it was Nickolas who had to go. Well at least I won't have to hear any more Superman jokes.

"How will Mari and Abdul cope with Vito? What are the twins going to do now that they are together again? How's Victor's ballet recital going to go? And what will happen if Chris were in charge? Find out right here on Total Drama Tween Island!"

* * *

(Theme song; I wanna be famous)

* * *

**(Mad Monkeys; Guys)**

* * *

Victor laid in his bed anxious about tomorrow. Malcolm while looking after his digimon took notice of this and approached his friend.

"Hey partner," said Malcolm, "Why the long face? Are you worried?"

"Only a little bit," Victor replied, "I mean I have to perform ballet in front of an international audience, including my father. He's a rabbi you know. And all because of Vito!"

"Look you do not have to worry," Malcolm reassured his friend, "I am fully aware of your condition."

"Oh crap," Victor shouted, "Please do not tell anyone!"

"Do not worry," said Malcolm, "I will not let anyone know of your condition. Why is it you fear that?"

"Because, when I was 7," Victor explained, "my mom took me to ballet classes to please Svetlana and before I knew it, everyone made fun of me. Then one day at the beach, one of the bullies ripped off my shirt and that's when Vito came. He took down those bullies with such force that the authorities nearly took me in. Traumatised by all this, mom banned me from returning to school and dad had to home-school me instead. Uh, mon dieu."

"Oh, that never happened in the Commune," Malcolm said, "we were taught to tolerate everyone in spite of differences or else face penance. If it will make you feel any better, me and my friends, Thomas and Alfred would sometimes dress up in our sister's dresses for the fun of it."

"Thanks dude," said Victor having lightened up, "you are the best."

* * *

**Confessional:** **Yes, this world could use more people like Malcolm. You can make it happen!**

**Victor: **After I'm done with this show, mum's thinking of making me enrol in a left wing Jewish private school in Montreal. She's kind of cautious of whether or not the students are nice though.

**Malcolm: **Yeah, I kind of found out by observing what sets off Chester to give me an idea of how Victor's mind works.

* * *

**(Mad Monkeys; Girls)**

* * *

All is well on the girls' side of the Mad Monkeys cabin. Lauren is asleep; Jenny is calmly watching Jonny lie on the top bunk from Aurora and Mari was working on her new outfit.

"Jonny, I know what you are doing," said Aurora, "please stop thinking about me."

"Well to be completely honest, you look really cute," Jonny responded, "I have never seen such beauty as you."

"Yeah, that's what Midori said to you," Aurora retorted, "and yet you turned her down. Besides, I already have a boyfriend. His name is Vito."

"Um, don't you mean Victor," Mari noted.

"Yeah well Victor's cool and all but what really gets me is his Vito impression," said Aurora.

"Aurora you are nuts," Jenny reminded her teammate, "He tried to injure the other team. I'm really worried here."

"Don't be silly," Aurora confidently reminded her leader, "he has charisma. Not like a certain ginger drag queen."

"Oh that is just rude," Jonny retorted, "and I had to turn down Midori, she was an annoying stalker. I just want to know you better."

"Yeah, whatever," said Aurora.

* * *

**Confessional: Let's face it; Jonny has better luck than me.**

**Jonny: **There is a difference than stalking and simply in love you know. Besides, Aurora is just as deluded.

**Aurora:** So what if Vito is a foulmouthed hooligan. I can tame him, and when I do I could be awarded for my pacifying spells.

**Mari: **I'm actually really worried about Victor, he seemed nice but after pulling off that Vito impression, I'm not so sure anymore.

* * *

**(Crazy Crocodiles)**

* * *

Abdul was reading his book in bed. Every once in a while he would look up to check up on Jim who was sleeping.

"Oh boy," Abdul said to himself, "it's just me and Jim in this room. He's my least favourite camper here. Well I might as well go for a walk."

Abdul walked out of his side of the Crazy Crocodiles cabin to go for a night walk and not get bored. He wanted to someone to talk to so he cautiously went into the girls' side of the Crazy Crocodiles cabin to talk to Sheila. But instead of being kicked out as he was expecting, he Sheila not caring.

"Hey Sheila," said Abdul, "I came here to say hi if that's alright. Don't hurt me!"

"Well you're lucky I am not changing clothes," Sheila responded looking up from her game, "and I was actually glad you came, Nessie's out looking for oil again."

"That's Nessie for you," Abdul commented, "but tell me, Victor left me at the mercy of the bear. Is he a sociopath or anything or am I overthinking things?"

"Victor is no sociopath," Sheila replied, "right before he knocked me out, I knew right away that it was not him. If you could read minds like me then you'll understand."

"Okay," said Abdul having lightened up, "I might manage to keep together the Children of Abraham after all. I'll go get Nessie."

* * *

**Confessional: Don't forget, Sheila's psychic. Oooh, scary.**

**Sheila:** I looked into Victor's mind and saw some weird personalities. I will say nothing on the issue as it is a very sensitive topic.

* * *

Abdul was walking through the forest looking for Nessie; however the vagineer was spying on him.

"Alright, if I were Nessie, she would be in a hole right," Abdul said to himself right before he fell in a random hole and saw Nessie digging.

"Oh there you are," Abdul said to Nessie, "come on, we have to go back."

"What for," Nessie said rudely, "no way I'm going anywhere without my oil. You're just jealous that your country ran out."

Just then, a hand grabbed Abdul's back; it was the vagineer with its arm extension powers. The Arab boy quickly grabbed Nessie as they were being pulled back up. They instantly ran away back to their cabin.

* * *

**Confessional: Never underestimate the power of the vagineer!**

**Nessie: **What does Abdul know? I can tell Sheila made him come here and ruin my digging!

**Abdul:** What Nessie said is half-correct. It is true that the Middle-East has no oil left in the ground but then the Prime Minister of Australia gave the authorities a machine that absorbs carbon dioxide from the air to make new oil. Yes, I know that sounds crazy but hey they never disclosed that to Nessie's homeland, the Caribbean Union, the world's biggest consumer of oil.

* * *

The next morning, the campers were having breakfast which was burnt eggs. As usual, Li Zhang sat outside.

"Mari, if you want to wear overalls," Aurora scolded her teammate, "you have to wear them with short legs like I do; it is more fashionable that way."

Indeed Mari was today wearing overalls with a lavender shirt and a grape themed hairclip. "I'm sorry," said Mari, "but I take pride in my creations. It was my creativity that earned me fans."

"Well to be honest," said Victor, "I think you are really cute in that outfit."

Just then, Abdul showed up to discuss something. "Oh hey guys," Abdul said calmly, "I don't know what happened with Vito but Sheila told me this as a chance to maintain this alliance. Victor is not allowed to take his shirt off or else he may do his Vito impression again."

"I do not know if that is going to work Abdul," Victor pointed out, "I have to get changed into a tutu later tonight and that means taking my shirt off."

"Don't worry partner," Malcolm said, "that will be arranged."

Over at the Crocodiles table, Jim would not stop looking at Sheila's newly formed boobs.

"Jim, I know my boobs have just started to grow," Sheila said sternly, "but that is no reason to look at them."

"Forget it," Nessie said cynically, "Jim is a pervert, you can't just tell him to go away."

Once again, Li Zhang was coaxed in by Corey so that the Nostalgia Critic told his daily news.

"Good morning kids," said the Critic, "would you like to hear about today's challenge."

No answer. "Okay, well this one is rather special," the Critic explained, "it involves the night which means it cannot start until 9 o'clock at night. So you are free to do what you want until then.

"Yeah, what about you," asked Aurora.

"I am going to watch all of Nickolas's superhero movies and I am going to have fun ranting about them," the Critic went on, "Therefore, I am very sorry to say this but I am afraid Chris will have to take my place."

This speech was met with endless jeering. "You called boss," said Chris as he appeared.

"Yes I did," said the Critic, "but you are not to do anything challenge related until 8:30pm. Do you understand?"

"Yeah yeah," Chris said casually, "trust me dude, what I come up with will blow your mind!"

* * *

**Confessional: Uh oh. Him again? Need I remind you what happened last time?**

**Victor: **Free time huh? That's enough time to get changed for my performance and actually do it. I hope Malcolm knows what he is doing.

**Lauren: **Victor in a ballet tutu? This will be fun.

**Jonny: **So I hear that the V-man will do ballet.  
**Jenny: **Yeah, just like we did as kids right?  
**Jonny: **Of course sis, but no-one tops me in the crossdressing department.  
**Jenny: **You're right bro, your tucking technique will guarantee your passage as a girl in a gymnastics leotard. The judges even commented on how cute you were.  
**Jonny: **Shut up!

**Sheila: **Knowing Chris, I am guessing tonight's challenge will be scary as hell (shudders).

* * *

Later that day, Malcolm and Victor were in the communal washroom with the tutu on the floor.

"Now remember Malc'," said Victor, "once my shirt is off, the hard part begins. Any idea on what to do here?"

"Just you wait," said Malcolm confidently as he quickly took Victors shirt clean off. That's when the hard part came up.

"Hey yo," said Vito, "what the hell is this place? You take me for a fool?"

"Look I am going to put you into a tutu," Malcolm bravely explained, "and by doing it here, no-one gets hurt."

"Yeah, no-one but you," Vito tried to punch Malcolm but the commune boy dodged and started talking about the history of the modern Olympic Games, "Well let me tell you a story. It was 1896 and Athens was the first host. People all over took part, even those with little experience."

"Really," said Svetlana who had replaced Vito, "tell me more!"

"Well every four years after that, cities all over could host the Olympics with professionals competing except for 1916, 1940 and 1944 which had to be cancelled due to war."

* * *

**Confessional: You know what would be a good Olympic sport? Any Total Drama challenge!**

**Malcolm: **Here's what I did, as soon as Vito came up I started to tell the entire story of the Olympics from school to bring in Svetlana. That made putting the tutu on her a lot easier.

* * *

After a while, Malcolm was huffing from his long story telling but it was all worth it. Svetlana was wearing the tutu from the tiara on her head to the leotard covering the body to the ballet shoes. Svetlana was pleased with her new outfit and hugged Malcolm tightly in response.

"Oh my god mister," said Svetlana excitedly, "this tutu looks so good on me!" She looked in the mirror to admire herself and continued, "Is this for a ballet recital?"

"As a matter of fact it is," said Malcolm.

* * *

The other campers were waiting outside the communal washroom for any results. Some were indifferent like Jim, Li Zhang and Lauren while others were praying for everyone to be all right like Mari and Abdul. Eventually, the door opened to reveal what appeared to be Victor, but he was wearing such a cute outfit that no-one cared that it was a boy wearing it. Some like Li Zhang even got a nosebleed, Aurora was squeeing like mad and Jim…

"What a rip-off," Jim shouted, "I was expecting a really hot girl but what do I get, a flat chest?"

"Boobs aren't everything you know," Sheila coldly reminded Jim, "besides, Victor is a boy, he can never get boobs unless he was fat which isn't remotely the case."

"Wow, you really are stupid," Lauren said to Jim.

"No need to admire me," stated Svetlana, "though that is nice. I am here to perform ballet for you all. Especially you Abdul."

"Uh, what," Abdul said confused.

"You and me doing the Nutcracker," Svetlana said dreamily, "it'll be a dream come true. It will be lovely and we get to kiss at the end."

"Uh, yeah," said Abdul flabbergasted.

* * *

**Confessional: And that ladies and gentlemen will generate lots of Victor/Abdul yaoi fanfiction.**

**Abdul:** Okay, this is just ridiculous. I know Victor is pulling off his Svetlana impression but he's still Victor and he wanted to kiss me like he was my girlfriend.

**Svetlana: **Abdul is just the absolute cutest thing ever!

* * *

Later that night, the campers gather at the amphitheatre for the mind-blowing performance.

"Greetings everyone," Svetlana announced, "Until Chris gets here to conduct the orchestra, allow me to treat you to my opening act.

"Boom-da-boom"

_Boom, da boom, boom, boom, da boom._

_Boom, da boom, boom, boom, da boom._

_Alright, listen up!  
It was the middle of the night,  
In the middle of a dream,  
I was surrounded by water,  
Being carried downstream.  
When next thing I knew,  
I was hanging with Alice in Wonderland!_

_Chef Hatchet was the drummer of the band!_

_He goes- Boom, da boom, boom, boom, da boom._

_We goes- Boom, da boom, boom, boom, da boom._

_Mirror, mirror on the wall,  
Who is the fairest one of all?  
I'm Prince Charming, and I'm taking Cinderella to the ball!  
Zippidy do da, zippidy ey! Yeah-hah!  
My, oh my, what a wonderful day!_

_We got Corey on guitar,  
And vagineer's on bass.  
With Chef Hatchet on drums,  
You know they rockin' the place!_

_They go- Boom, da boom, boom, boom, da boom!_

_We go- Boom, da boom, boom, boom, da boom!_

_Bring it home!_

There was a moderate applause.

"Well it is only the opening act," admitted Svetlana when Chris came in, "Hey ya, Chris! You here to conduct?"

"Sure thing brah," replied Chris, "I am going to enjoy this!"

"Good," said Svetlana before turning to Abdul, "as for you, it is time."

* * *

**Confessional: Did anyone tell you how pretty Victor looked? I am not kidding!**

**Vagineer:** (was laughing uncontrollably).

**Corey: **That was the biggest mindf^#k I have ever seen!

**Chef Hatchet: **Just goes to show that even any boy can look very pretty, except for Chris.

**Lauren: **I know that song. It was from the House of Mouse episode when Pete got the central role.

**Abdul: **I have little to worry about, I know about the Nutcracker from top to bottom. Why? Because I have been reading the book that's why!

* * *

And thus Chris began the recital with the Miniature Overture; Svetlana and Abdul got into position and began to dance.

"Um I am having mixed feelings here," said Aurora, "on one hand Victor is being Svetlana and not Vito which is kind of boring. On the other, Victor looks so cute in that dress! Eeeeeee!"

A while later we got up to the Marche part of the orchestra, it was a little upbeat but a bit calmer than the Miniature Overture.

"Aw, don't those two look so cute together," Jenny said dreamily but then started to wonder, "Hey where the hell is Jonny?"

"He's busy brah," Chris responded without losing his concentration, "now shut up while I do this!"

Then we get to the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy which was rather peaceful yet at the same time a tiny bit energetic.

"You know one of the proudest moments I played here," Malcolm whispered to himself, "was that if it weren't for me and my clever strategy of reciting the history of the Olympics, I would never be seeing this."

Then we get to the Russian Dance which was very upbeat.

"You know this reminds me of Christmas time," Sheila commented, "but here me out; it does not snow in Australia unless it is in the Blue Mountains okay?"

Then we get to the Arabian dance which was very slow-paced and calm.

"_Judging from the music here,_" Nessie thought to herself, "_I expect Abdul to enjoy this song._"

"**You know what else he enjoys? Seeing the West suffer for Iraq and Afghanistan!**"

"_Let's not bring this up okay!_"

Then we get to the Chinese dance which had a moderate pace but not too energetic.

"Hey Li Zhang," Lauren said to the Chinese boy, "you wouldn't happen to like this song would you?"

"Admittedly yes," Li Zhang quietly replied, "and I think I might enjoy it more if you were all extinct."

"Oh, that is harsh," Lauren recoiled.

Then we get to the Dance of the Reed Pipes which was quite fast-paced but no too energetic.

"_Oh boy this will be great blackmail material,_" Jim thought to himself, "_Victor is dressed like a girl; he even looks and acts the part, especially when compared to Abdul who is a complete loser._"

And now we get to the Waltz of the Flowers which fits as a grand finale.

"_When he is not being Vito,_" Mari thought to herself, "_Victor is really nice. He complimented my overalls when Aurora could not. I guess this is payback for shampooing his hair but in any case it made him so much prettier in that tutu. It almost makes me envious that I want to wear that tutu and do ballet in my own right. He is that good. And you know what, he actually looks kinda hot._"

Right when the music ended, both Abdul and Svetlana leaned into each other to kiss passionately. Everyone rose and applauded loudly. Just as Svetlana and Abdul parted, Mari in particular squeed loudly and ran up to Svetlana and hug her tightly.

"Oh Victor," Mari was crying, "That was tres bon!"

"Wait it was," said Victor having reverted back, "Well I am glad you enjoyed it! Just goes to show that anyone can have talent."

"Yeah I think we can all agree on that," Chris commented having stepped down from conducting, "but seriously dudes and dudettes, we have a challenge to do! Victor, get back in your normal clothes! You are seriously tempting me take a picture of you to take home."

* * *

And that was part one. I really hope you enjoyed it. All of the music for the Nutcracker belonged to Tchaikovsky but I guess it doesn't matter much because he is dead. Oh and go watch House of Mouse if you haven't already.

* * *

**Next time:** The contestants trek through the forest at night. And at the end, Chris pulls a rather dickish move.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker of Channel Awesome.

**Note: **Uh, nothing to say here but my exams are over. That is all.

* * *

It is now nearly 9 o'clock and the campers had gathered at the camp centre to see what Chris had come up with. Victor had changed back into his normal clothes.

"Hey, you're Abdul are you," Aurora said to Abdul, "your breath smells nice."

Abdul blushed.

* * *

**Confessional: While it is cool to brush twice a day, some people do it to clean out the vomit smell.**

**Abdul: **I had to clean my teeth. I have nothing against Victor but seriously, I kissed him! I kissed another guy! And he was in drag! When I get home, I'll be expecting a lot of yaoi between me and him (shudders)!

* * *

"Okay campers," Chris began explaining, "the boss said to do a challenge at night. So are you ready for the most terrifying challenge ever?"

No response.

"Ugh, you guys stink," Chris groaned, "Anyway, tonight each team will have to insert a key into a box you retrieve in the spider's cave. But there is a catch; the keys are split in two so you have to find them in the forest and the cemetery." Chris laughed and continued, "Feel free to use the clues given to you at the start of each area. Oh and be careful, there is a huge spider on the loose. If it catches you, you are out! And your team gets penalised for every member lost to the spider."

"Everyone is looking freaked out at that point except Li Zhang who asked, "Anything else?"

"I never thought you'd ask of all people," Chris commented, "all I can say now is that there is a twist at the elimination ceremony. Now go!"

* * *

**Confessional: And watch out for wood elves while you're at it!**

**Jim: **I'm no wuss unlike the rest. They are weak and will probably fall. And yes, I am a Social Darwinist. Now piss off!

**Malcolm: **(In a foetal position and sucking his thumb).

* * *

The challenge starts and the Crazy Crocodiles run into the forest to find the first half of their key. The Mad Monkeys stay back for some reason.

"You know guys, I am worried about Jonny," said Jenny, "he has not come back from his duties. What if the spider got him?"

"Hey, stop moping," Lauren scolded, "that sort of attitude will get us nowhere!"

"Okay," said Jenny, "Well why don't you lead for once?"

"You wuss," Lauren taunted Jenny, "I will make one order: Sneak up behind the Crazy Crocodiles, and see why they go."

"Alright," said Jenny, "we'll see how that goes." So the rest of the Mad Monkeys ran into the forest after the Crazy Crocodiles. Li Zhang followed in soon after.

* * *

**Confessional: Let's do this!**

**Li Zhang:** Let me make this clear, I don't like people. But this Lauren girl is quite a competitor.

**Jenny: **Yeah, even now I worry about my twin brother. Where's Corey when you need him?

**Corey: **Nice try woman, but I lost contact to the future.

**Lauren:** Jenny is such a cry-baby. She needs to learn to move on from such things.

* * *

While the Mad Monkeys hide in the bushes to spy on the rival team, the Crazy Crocodiles had found a hole with the clue in it. Jim was confident enough to grab the clue only to get bitten by a bear trap.

"Ouch," Jim yelled in pain, "what the hell man."

"Oh yeah. I came up with that one," Chris laughed via the intercom.

We now cut to Chris's trailer where Chris McLean made all of those intercoms.

"Pretty boy, I have to admit that was crafty," said Chef, "but the boss ain't gonna like that."

"I don't care Chef," shrugged Chris, "like the boss is gonna know. He's too busy making rants about all those superhero movies."

Suddenly the phone rang; it was like a head piece that had the function of a mobile phone. "Okay I'll get it," said Chris as he put in on to listen to the caller. After a while of talking, Chris said, "it was the Prime Minister of Australia."

"So," Chef shrugged, "it's just one country. He has no power here."

"He's allied with China," Chris added.

"Okay," said Chef, "what do they want?"

"They have made a joint request slash ultimatum: either we obey or they convince their citizens to boycott this show or even worse send robot troops!"

Outside, Corey listened to every little thing.

* * *

**Confessional: This looks serious.**

**Corey:** How much power do Australia and China have collectively? They might have enough to influence the entire show. They have guns and masses people!

* * *

Clue in hand, Sheila read, "To the North-west, there is a nest. Get past the pest and claim what's needed for the quest. Okay fair enough."

"So we travel north-west, that's easy," said Nessie, "I see Polaris. Come on!"

"I have to admit Nessie," said Abdul, "you have a good sense of Astronomy." He turned back for reminders, "hey Sheila, where are we going again?" But she was not there. "Oh crap the spider got her. Worse, we get penalised!"

"Quit being an idiot go," demanded Jim, "will this tree do?"

What he was referring to was a tree with red and green paint; it had a hollow in it.

"I will assume it is," said Jim, "I'm going in; you stay here."

Jim climbed up the tree to get into the hollow; he was right, it had two key handles: one red square one and one green triangular one. Jim managed to get the latter before being kicked out.

"Ytreporp ym ffo lleh eht teg," shouted the vagineer who just so happened to live there so the Crazy Crocodiles left. But it stayed out in time for the Mad Monkeys to arrive.

"Okay guys, no need to panic," Lauren reassured her team, "the rivals led us here so I might as well get up there."

"But what if the other team wins," Mari wondered.

"So? Once we get the other half of the key, we race them to first place," Lauren strategized when the vagineer's arm reached down to pull her up. But even then it was knocked down due to Lauren's sheer strength as she made it out with the red key handle.

* * *

**Confessional: Keep going!**

**Mari:** I have to admit, Lauren has charisma. If she runs for president however, I am not sure what she'll do to get her way. Victor on the other hand looks like a mixed bag but he is still cute.

**Victor: **Is it just me or is Mari looking really cute tonight? Maybe it's the overalls, then again that's Aurora as well.

* * *

"Hey Mari, do you think the keys would unlock some treasure or something," Victor was saying when he noticed Mari was not there, "Oh no, I think the spider got her."

"Maybe," Lauren said indifferently, "but we have a challenge to do so I don't care!"

With that, the Mad Monkeys moved on.

* * *

The Crazy Crocodiles were heading on to the cemetery.

"Oh Allah," Abdul groaned, "this really boring. I know! Hey guys, wanna see me do ballet like at the recital?"

"No," Jim and Nessie both shouted but Abdul did it anyway only to set off some mines. With his teammates looking at him, the Mad Monkeys slipped by un-noticed.

Eventually, the Mad Monkeys made it. The intercom used by Chris was now saying, "Wow, I'm surprised to mines didn't get you."

"You are starting to freak me out partner," said a timid Malcolm.

"Anyway, just pick up the clue if you want," Chris finished. Malcolm cautiously walked over to where the clue was. He noticed that it was loaded with numbers with the three 6's and a single 18 highlighted red.

"Hey, guys," said Malcolm carefully, "on the not, three of the 6's and one 18 are in red. Does that mean the devil is here?"

"Bull$&#& lanky," Lauren shrugged, "everyone search for clues!"

So the Mad Monkeys were looking for where the clue was pointing except for Li Zhang who had a lot on his mind.

* * *

**Confessional: Uh oh. We have a spy!**

**Li Zhang: **Remember at the beginning when I said I am above humans? Correction, I hate them so much that I actually want them all dead. Save for Lauren who is kind of fun but everyone else has to go.

* * *

When the Crazy Crocodiles made it to the cemetery, they immediately began searching for the blade of their key.

"Hmm maybe it's in here," Nessie said to herself as she opened the coffin to find that the vagineer had apparently migrated there. Nessie called out for Jim but he was gone so the only option now was to run.

As for Abdul, he had accidentally fallen into a grave filled with kitchen grease.

"Ugh yuck," Abdul groaned, "I am covered in cooking oil. And there are maggots in here!"

A while away, Corey was running towards the cemetery. When he got there, he noticed Abdul had fallen into a grave.

"Hey Mr Dinosaur," Abdul called much to Corey's annoyance, "can you help me out here?"

So Corey pulled Abdul out so he can tell some news, "alright, you are probably wondering why I am here. Well if you are let me tell you something. Both Australia and China are threatening to cancel this show if Chris doesn't rig it."

"What," Abdul said shocked, "those two? Are they the rulers of the world?"

"Do not underestimate those two countries," Corey warned, "they can play hard if they don't get their way."

* * *

**Confessional: Just like the former United States of America with the Middle East.**

**Abdul: **I am only a little bit worried here. Both Australia and China are very powerful. But if my dad bribes them they'll forget about it right?

* * *

Victor was looking for the clue's answer when Li Zhang snuck up on him.

"_First order of action,_" Li Zhang thought to himself, "_Unleash Vito._" He used his staff to rip Victor's shirt clean off transforming him into Vito.

"Hey you," Vito taunted Li Zhang, "you wanna fight?"

Li Zhang immediately started a brawl with Vito. Aurora caught them doing it and, because of her love for Vito, had taken down Li Zhang.

"No-one and I mean no-one hurts my Vito," Aurora said angrily before turning to Vito, "you are safe now."

"Oh thank God," Vito exclaimed, "now if you want to make out with me, you need to prove that you are worthy and I see that you are not. However, I will let you caress my chest."

Aurora did just that. Behind them, Li Zhang was taken away by the spider just as Lauren showed up. But instead of letting everyone else know of Vito, she found the grave that said 'June 6, 1806.'

"Hey, that's what the clue said," Lauren said as she looked in to see two boxes. She inserted the key handle into the square-shaped slot then twisted it to reveal the red key blade. She twisted the blade onto the handle and found that it had started to emit light.

"Okay, you two," Lauren said to Aurora and Vito, "come along. I have the blade; we can go in the cave now.

Soon after, Abdul arrived with his team's handle that Jim dropped and used it into the triangle-shaped slot to reveal the green key blade. He then inserted the blade onto the handle to emit a bright light beam and ran back to Nessie.

* * *

**Confessional: By key blade, we mean the business end of the key, not the weapon used to fight heartless.**

**Abdul: **I'm going to have to catch up now if my team's going to win.

**Aurora:** I personally don't care what everyone thinks of Vito; he is hot and has charisma. I personally like that Victor is doing this for me but how does he know? Or does he?

* * *

The Mad Monkeys were trekking through the cave with the light on their key to guide them; however Malcolm cannot help but notice that Aurora and Vito were gone.

"Hey, I don't want to bother you but," Malcolm began, "Aurora and Victor are not here. I think the spider got them."

"Don't be silly," said Lauren arrogantly.

"All right I have heard enough," Jenny bravely stood up to Lauren and confiscated the key off the tomboy, "you said your strategy was enough! Now go and find the clue!"

Lauren on Jenny's command ran over to the clue but before she could read it, she got covered in web. Malcolm and Jenny took note of this and ran forward but got captured too and subsequently dropped their key.

When Abdul and Nessie arrived, the cowgirl said, "All right Arab boy," Nessie said, "I'll read the clue, you stay on guard." But while Nessie was reading the clue, Abdul could not help but notice the huge web ahead of him and all of the spider's victims. And the spider itself was there.

"Okay, I don't know who you are," Abdul said readying for a possible fight, "but your treasures are mine!" It was now time for a boss fight. I would suggest playing the boss music from Final Fantasy X before moving on.

Abdul decided to use his key a la Kingdom Hearts and started hacking at the spider revealing some mechanical parts.

"Holy Allah," Abdul muttered, "that thing is biomechanical!" He went on to dodge its venom stab and climbed up the web to set his teammates free but also accidentally Aurora and Vito.

"Since when was Abdul good with swordplay," Aurora wondered before turning to Vito, "Hey Vito, do you mind freeing everyone else?"

"Why should I you junior whore," Vito rudely retorted. Most girls took offence to that but Aurora said, "I will kiss you if you do."

"It's a done deal," Vito exclaimed as he mercilessly ripped through the web to free the others and deal some damage with his fists alone. "There done," said Vito with a sense of accomplishment, "you are now worthy to kiss me." Aurora did just that.

Abdul then took Nessie along knowing the rest could not help them out but not before taking the green box. As for Li Zhang, he had the power to free his teammates but due to his misanthropy he simply took the red key and the red box and high-tailed it out.

The biomechanical spider ganged up on Jenny threatening to take her out. However by finding her inner courage, she simply drop-kicked the thing into oblivion, only to reveal Jonny inside. You may now stop the music.

"Jonny," Jenny said in shock and relief, "is that you?"

"Yes of course it's me sis," Jonny replied, "What did you think I was, a mentally insane Nakia?"

* * *

**Confessional:** **To see Nakia's degeneration into insanity, please refer to Cragmiteblaster's Total Drama Letterz series.**

**Jonny:** There you have it. That was my job for the challenge. Still, Jenny didn't have to hit me that hard.

* * *

Chris was waiting outside the cave for 'survivors' when he noticed Nessie, Abdul and Li Zhang make it out alive with the keys and boxes.

"And the winning team is the Crazy Crocodiles," Chris announced, "that is because while they lost two members, the Mad Monkeys lost five. What do you have against people bro?"

"They are wild beasts," Li Zhang replied coldly, "that deserved to be hunted."

"I just have one thing to say," said Abdul, "Corey told me that you were going to rig the game or else Australia and China will take drastic action. Is that right?"

"Yeah, you got me" said Chris, "and it involves Li Zhang."

* * *

At midnight, all the campers gathered at the campfire ceremony. Corey, Jonny and Chef stood near the flagpoles while Chris stood at the metal drum with a cross expression. In fact, everyone looked at Li Zhang with anger.

"Campers, normally at this point the boss would go yadda yadda about this ceremony," Chris began, "However, the marshmallows needed to make this happen are not here no thanks to Jonny and Corey who ate them all."

As one can plainly see, Corey and Jonny looked drunk from sugar, their bellies were growling and they looked ready to spew.

"But I guess it doesn't matter anymore," Chris continued, "Aurora, care to tell us something?"

"Well we all know that Vito is a madman impression of Victor who I find tolerable at least," Aurora explained, "no-one but me likes him. I have to personally thank Li Zhang for setting him off. Also, he abandoned us with a potential deadly opponent."

"I know those were all my ideas and that your injuries were your responsibility," Chris continued laughing a bit, "Li Zhang did those crimes out of misanthropy which apparently Australia does not like. They've even allied with China to either boycott, cancel or even annihilated this show, if Li Zhang leaves the island without spilling the beans. Seriously, they are that picky."

"Well you know my grandad," Sheila commented, "he tries to see the good in all the people even a prime minister. He just personally could not stand seeing those who hate humanity with a passion."

"Li Zhang," Chris concluded, "For your own survival, will you tell us what is it that caused you to turn your back on humanity?"

Li Zhang's answer was…

…

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"No I will not."

"Very well," Chris declared, "you shall not leave the island, however you will be relocated to the Crazy Crocodiles team. The boss would like to see a little more team balance at this point."

It was at this moment on Li Zhang was no longer a Mad Monkey but rather a Crazy Crocodile. After this, all of the campers decided to turn in for the night.

* * *

Chris went onto the Dock of Shame to give the outro, "Oh my god, that was a great twist wasn't it. But seriously, they could have killed my fortunes. How will the Crazy Crocodiles cope with their hostile new teammate? What is inside those boxes? And when will the boss stop ranting about those superhero movies? Find out next time on Total Drama Tween Island!

* * *

And that was the episode. I just wanted to make the plot line similar to Total Drama Revenge of the Island where Brick had to change teams but I also wanted to start a story arc for Li Zhang. You'll understand. Also, the biomechanical spider was Cragmiteblaster's idea, not mine.

* * *

**Mad Monkeys: **Aurora, Jenny, Lauren, Malcolm, Mari, Victor.

**Crazy Crocodiles: **Abdul, Jim, Li Zhang, Nessie, Sheila.

**Eliminated:** Midori, Jonny, Nickolas.

* * *

**Next time: **The campers are flabbergasted by a thief. Also, they change into their swimsuits for the next challenge.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker of Channel Awesome.

* * *

The Nostalgia Critic was on the Dock of Shame late at night after having sent Chris McLean to work so he can do the outro.

"Last time, on Total Drama Tween Island," the Critic began, "I had the need to critique stuff and what better way to do it than on Nickolas' superhero movie collection. I had to spend all day doing this so I had once again put Chris in charge. Look I know he was a madman but I simply had no choice.

"The challenge didn't start until 9 o'clock at night, leaving plenty of time for Victor to do his recital with Abdul. Now normally I'd be mind^$*#ed by the mere prospect of dudes wearing tutus even if it was a penalty but now I totally regret not seeing it unfold. The whole event attracted the entire female demographic, not just for the performance but for how hot Victor came out to be! I honestly had no idea what a ratings jewel that was.

"As for the challenge, each team was to put together a key in the forest and cemetery so that they could grab the box inside the spider's cave and high-tail out of their before the spider got them. The reality was that Chris hired Jonny to use a biomechanical spider for extra pay! Ultimately the victory went to the Crazy Crocodiles for the first time. The boxes themselves have some neat stuff inside.

"At the ceremony, Chris pulled the most controversial move I have seen. Due to threats from communist countries who wanted to know why Li Zhang is misanthropic, Chris simply relocated him to the other team because he refused to confess.

"Oh well, now that I am back, I will make sure someone goes home today. Who might that be? And how will Li Zhang cope with his new teammates? Find out here on Total Drama Tween Island!"

* * *

(Theme song: I wanna be famous)

* * *

Corey and Jonny were sitting by the campfire with a bucket of spew next to them.

"Alright, from now on," Corey proclaimed, "no more marshmallows. I don't even remember how we did it though."

"It was my idea," Jonny confessed, "I wanted us to do a marshmallow eating contest seeing as there probably wasn't anyone going at such weird circumstances."

"Well it was crap wasn't it," said Corey right as he heard someone coming. It was the vagineer. Jonny looked a bit freaked out but Corey said, "Alright this guy is not here to hurt us."

"But he ate Nessie," Jonny said, "I saw it!"

"I tamed him," said Corey, "so there is no chance he'll eat you this time."

"Ekup fo tekcub siht evah ot ekil dluow I," said the vagineer so Corey gave the bucket to the vagineer before it walked away.

"Hey, how do you understand it," asked Jonny.

"Vagineer speech is essentially backwards to English," Corey explained, "it said it wanted the bucket so I gave it to him."

"Okay," said Jonny as he stood up, "Now I want to go to bed. See ya."

As the two parted to go to bed, a silhouette had come out to enter the cabins.

* * *

**Confessional: What do vagineers want with spew? Eat it? Gross!**

**Corey: **I had to learn English for this job because no-one here understands Ignarian.

**Jonny:** Is it just me or did I see some weirdo enter one of the cabins? Nah, it's probably nothing.

* * *

**(Mad Monkeys; Guys)**

* * *

Malcolm had just woken up via an alarm clock set at 9 o'clock in the morning so he could tend to his digimon which had now reached the In-Training stage as Kokomon and Gummymon. He had to pause because Victor was doing some strange actions in his sleep so he could observe.

"Hey b!tch," said Vito rudely in the dream world, "what do you think you are doing?"

"Well I want to do gymnastics okay," said Svetlana as she within Victor's body jumped off the bed and onto the floor.

"Stop jumping or I'll kick your ass," shouted Vito.

"Oh will you two keep it down," shouted Chester grumpily.

"Oh boy," said Malcolm, "that makes three!"

At that instant Victor woke up suddenly to Malcolm's voice and said, "Oh sorry, did I disturb you?"

"Uh no," said Malcolm, "but I have been observing your alternate personalities."

"Oh, what do you think is in that box," said Victor trying to change the subject, "Li Zhang must have been training lots to even carry it."

"I don't know," replied Malcolm, "Hey you wanna fight my digimon?"

"Sure," Victor accepted as he took out his own digivice to challenge Malcolm's digimon.

* * *

**Confessional: No seriously, what is in that box?**

**Malcolm: **I lost that fight. They were simply too weak. No matter, that just gives me incentive to train harder.

**Victor: **I am personally hoping for a Playstation 3 or Playstation 4. You see, I am a Sony fan okay?

* * *

**(Mad Monkeys; Girls)**

* * *

Meanwhile in the girls' side of the Mad Monkeys cabin, everyone else was asleep. Even Jonny had decided to snuggle Aurora. Only Mari was awake and staring at the red box in anticipation. She used the key she from the last challenge to open it up.

"Holy Jesus," squeed Mari, "there is a Wii, a Wii U and a 3DS in there!"

That had gotten everyone else's attention. Aurora seeing Jonny snuggle up to her pushed him away in disgust. She then took out some sort of diary to document the events.

"_Dear Diary,_" Aurora wrote, "_One of my roommates, Mari has uncovered several games consoles for us to play. Not me. I would much rather keep my eyes pretty._"

"Hey what the hell have you got there," Lauren asked Aurora about the diary.

"Hello, it's my diary," Aurora answered, "Every girl has to have one."

"Yeah, yeah, that's the conservatives want you to think," Lauren said cynically as she grabbed the diary and started scribbling it.

"_Dear diary,_" Lauren wrote mocking Aurora, "_The only reason I keep you around is to satisfy the unreasonable stereotypes the conservatives impose on us because if we don't, it's 'Holocaust' time!_" Lauren returned the diary to Aurora who gasped upon reading Lauren's satire.

* * *

**Confessional: Oooh! The dreaded Holocaust! Thank God Victor didn't hear that.**

**Aurora:** Looking back, L is absolutely right. I got the diary in the Caribbean Union, the only country left in the world that still takes neo-liberalism seriously.

**Mari:** Truth be told, my family is kind of wealthy but I never bothered bringing any games. Yeah, I love Nintendo.

* * *

**(Crazy Crocodiles)**

* * *

Abdul was just waking up from bed. He reached for where his book usually was every night but could not find it.

"Wait what the," Abdul stammered, "Oh my book's gone. Jim must have taken it." He turned to Jim and said, "Hey big guy! What did you do to my book!?"

"Why the hell would I take something so nerdy as a novel," Jim retorted, "I prefer more manly things like my dumbbells." Jim looked down to see that they were not there and said, "Speaking of which, you took my freaking dumbbells!"

"Oh please," Abdul denied, "like I would sin and steal someone else's property. It must be the new guy."

* * *

**Confessional: Spread out and search for clues.**

**Jim: **Those dumbbells were a gift from my dad so I can beat losers up!

**Abdul:** I always thought Li Zhang was trouble. You saw what happened last night!

* * *

Outside, Li Zhang was practicing Kung fu at a training field he had set up since the start of the competition. Abdul saw this and went up to the Chinese boy.

"Hey, you there," Abdul said noticing the field, "what is up with all that stuff? I thought you lived in the washrooms."

"I do," Li Zhang responded, "but only because I wanted to get away from you all. Why are you here anyway?"

"Well you see we have a thief problem," Abdul explained, "My book is gone and Jim's dumbbells are gone. I think you have something to do with it."

"Uugh," Li Zhang groaned, "You see!? This is why! Your kind always blames me for things I didn't do!"

"Why," Abdul wondered, "what makes you so special?"

"Like that's any of your business," Li Zhang grumpily grumbled and went back to training. Abdul then noticed Nessie and Sheila come out arguing over environmental issues so he decided to see what's up.

"All right you two," Abdul interrogated them both, "what's the matter."

"Commie girl here is annoying," Nessie said arrogantly.

"Nessie has no regard to environmental welfare," Sheila explained, "I however have a rubbish bag so as to clean up the trash here."

"Nothing new here," Nessie butted in, "I'll bet where you came from has so many hybrids that the Sydney skyline is clouded by smug."

"Okay, I've heard enough," Abdul broke up the argument, "what matters is that there is a thief on the loose. Stay sharp will you?"

* * *

**Confessional:** **The left-wing is a corporation's worst nightmare, holy or otherwise.**

**Sheila:** That Nessie has gone too far now! No-one insults the left and gets away with it!

**Nessie: **I just don't see what the big deal is. I mean the right gives national identity and the freedom collect money from the market.

**Li Zhang: **No comment.

* * *

At the mess hall for lunch, the campers were eating matzah brei due to Aurora's interference in the kitchen.

"Girl, you are messed up," Chef said ticked off.

"Whatever," said Aurora, "It's just that your cooking is so gross." She left the kitchen to go outside for some reason. As for the rest of the Mad Monkeys…

"Oh mon dieu," uttered Victor, "Matzah brei is my favourite dish. It is a traditional Jewish dish for those curious."

"I have to agree," said Mari who is somehow back into her default outfit, "This is really nice. How did Chef get so good?"

"Well I am not really sure," said Malcolm as he cautiously ate his lunch, "I personally never had any of that before but it is mighty decent."

"I'll bet it was Jonny," said Jenny, "wait hold on, he did the gardening and I did the cooking with mum."

"Yeah yeah, whatev's," said Lauren.

Later, Aurora came back in with an apple and a cooked rabbit.

"Aurora why have you killed that bunny," said Sheila in shock.

"First off, I am sorry," Aurora explained, "but that's not for you." She gave the rabbit to Jim who preferred it over some Jewish dish and the apple to Sheila. "I know that you are vegetarian so I gave you an alternative."

"It's all right," said Sheila, "I can tolerate eggs but the apple is a nice compliment. I just wish there was no chicken fat involved."

* * *

**Confessional: Chicken schmaltz is a traditional ingredient but there are alternatives.**

**Chef: **There was no schmaltz. I did just fine with canola.

**Aurora: **I am sorry to say this but I am a part-time socialist. This means I like to help people no matter how many tick me off. That holiday one day has tainted my spirit.

**Sheila:** Abdul was right about a thief! I saw no necklace on Nessie today!

* * *

A few minutes later, the Nostalgia Critic pushed Li Zhang in to do his usual pre-challenge announcements.

"Hello kids," said the Critic, "I really enjoyed my superhero night. The Nolan trilogy of Batman was awesome as was the Avengers! Man of Steel was not so good though but thank god there was no Batman and Robin."

"Why," Mari asked, "Is it the bat credit card?"

"A BAT CREDIT CARD," the Critic screamed as he nearly went after Mari but thankfully Jonny and Corey held him back. The Critic calmed down and said, "Okay. Sorry about that."

"Well it was really funny," Jim commented.

"Moving on," the Critic continued, "your next challenge is at 3 o'clock. Right now it is 10 o'clock. Oh, and you might need your swimsuits for this one."

"Oh god no," shivered Victor.

"What's wrong," Mari asked Victor as the Jewish boy whispered into her ear what he could without revealing his MPD.

* * *

**Confessional: Sexy time!**

**Victor: **I forgot to pack my trunks and swim shirt! And no-one has a swim shirt.

**Mari: **5 hours to make a swimsuit? I can do that. But what of Victor?

* * *

Mari went up to Sheila after the campers were let out of the mess hall to discuss some matters.

"Hey Sheila," Mari said, "Victor has said to me he is not allowed to go out topless which usually happens when a boy wears trunks. He needs a new swim shirt."

"I understand that and that you probably could have sewn one yourself," Sheila explained, "but in Australia the one-piece has been revived for men to protect against UV rays. Face it, leotards were originally made for men but then they made a womens' model that had a higher leg. In spite of a sharp fall in popularity, male leotards and one-piece swimsuits had been altered to resemble the female version by quite a margin. Now both genders get to enjoy them thanks to my granddad. I think Victor would look cute in one."

"Okay then," said Mari, "thanks for everything." She then ran off back to the Mad Monkeys cabin.

* * *

**Confessional: Oh boy what is she doing now?**

**Mari: **I only wanted to let Sheila know of this because maybe Victor is sensitive to UV. By the way, back in the mess hall when I mentioned the bat credit card, I am a personal fan of the Nostalgia Critic due to my older sister showing his show to me but sometimes I say before I think. Yeah, I have a mild case of autism, don't laugh!

**Sheila: **Granddad is an awesome prime minister. He is supportive of LGBT rights and helped advance the feminist cause by giving men the right to self-glamour as well as better working conditions.

* * *

While Mari was working on swimsuits, the rest of the campers were outside the communal washrooms to get changed. First it was Li Zhang, Jim and Abdul.

"Hey mon," said Jim in his green trunks with yellow waist and leg holes, "get a load of this." He was showing off his six-pack to a comparatively skinny Abdul in a gold speedo. Jim then taunted, "Aw man, you have nothing!"

"Shut up, like I care," Abdul said abruptly, "now what does the new guy look like?"

Abdul went to Li Zhang stall and opened it revealing him in brown trunks but was still wearing the conical hat.

"Oh boy," Abdul groaned, "why don't you just take your hat off like me and Jim had done?"

"No way," Li Zhang retorted as he slammed the door shut.

Next were Aurora, Nessie and Sheila. Aurora was flaunting her hot pink bikini.

"Hey girls," said Aurora, "look at me. Do you agree that I'm hot?"

"Oh boy," said Nessie in her light blue bikini, "of course you do! That'll attract Vito for sure."

"Well I am glad you liked it," Aurora said before looking at Sheila, "You on the other hand look like you're from Baywatch which is like boring."

"Alright first of all," Sheila explained in her lifeguard one-piece, "where I come from, bikinis are of low popularity due to several factors like high exposure of UV radiation the unreasonable quest for that so-called perfect body just to look good in one. Also, I am a lifeguard apprentice."

"Oh boy," groaned Nessie, "again with the nagging."

"You know what," Aurora declared, "go wear what you want! I just want to make you look prettier that's all." Aurora then took the red bow off her hair and put it into Sheila's hair. The latter girl blushed at her raised prettiness level.

* * *

**Confessional: Anyone getting a nosebleed yet?**

**Aurora:** Bikinis a health hazard? But they were all the rage in the Caribbean Union! I had to take a few! I'm still not fond on one-pieces though.

**Abdul: **My swim briefs are sewn with 24 carat gold fibres. A tad dense yes but seriously, my family is that rich.

* * *

Next were Lauren, Mari and the twins. While Mari was changing into her finished swimsuit, Lauren could not help but see something weird about the twins.

"You seriously wearing the exact same swimsuit," Lauren questioned, "I mean how do you even know whose is whose."

Both Jonny and Jenny were wearing purple one-piece swimsuits with blue stripes down the sides. Jenny replied, "Yeah we don't really know. I mean they are the same size, same colour, same pattern and same shape so yeah, we could not really tell." Lauren shuddered at the very thought of this.

"Yeah, but you have oddities yourself," said Jonny, "I mean why would a 12-year-old girl like yourself have a six pack?"

Surely enough, Lauren has an orange sports one-piece with a yellow star on the chest as well as an orange swim cap. She said back, "That's not really your business. It's just that I kept this suit for three years now and it's gotten real tight. Now is the little one ready yet?"

"Oh, yes I am," said Mari as she emerged with a strapless lavender one-piece with pink frills at the leg holes and top hole, "I made it myself as usual."

"Well I like it," Jenny commented while Jonny had a slight nosebleed but he quickly wiped it off.

* * *

**Confessional: Wow, who knew a 10-year-old girl could look hot at the right circumstances. Thank god Pedobear's not here.**

**Lauren: **My private life is no-one's business! I just happened to lift the empty table with my legs many times a day when watching TV! It's a habit I've got.

* * *

By the time Mari left the washroom, Victor stared at her and said kindly, "Wow, you look really cute in that. So how's my swim shirt?"

"I have made something better," Mari said as she threw a piece of red and orange fabric at Victor, "I decided to try something new. It was Sheila's idea.

So Victor and Malcolm were now in the washroom. Malcolm had already changed into his red trunks with orange stripes going down the sides so he's going to help Victor change into his swimsuit.

"All right partner," said Malcolm, "are you ready?"

"Bring it on," Victor said as Malcolm quickly took the Jewish boy's shirt off which meant that Vito would appear taunting, "Hey kid, are you jelly at my hot body?"

"I'm not here for that," Malcolm said bravely, "I'm putting you in a swimsuit!"

"Bull&#^%," Vito said, "Like I need one! Wanna fight?"

As Vito charged at Malcolm, the commune boy thought in his head, "_Pretend it is a cow gone crazy._" Then he gathered enough strength to knock out Vito and the rest is history.

* * *

**Confessional: If you lack courage to eat a tomato, pretend it's an apple. At least that's how it goes. Wait did I just sound like the Annoying Orange?**

**Malcolm:** I am actually uneasy about hurting other people so I pretended Vito was a runaway cow to do some action.

**Victor: **(Blushing in a red and orange flame-patterned one-piece) I asked for a swim shirt but I was given this! It's a little embarrassing but hey I have worn a tutu haven't I?

* * *

Once everyone had changed, the Nostalgia Critic called Jonny over to his side to give some instructions, "Okay kids, just follow me to the Dock of Shame so we can do the challenge."

* * *

And that was part one. Here I got to explore more of Aurora's character as a socialist at odds with herself. And trust me when I have a weird fashion sense, I mean I dress like any man would but expect some weird fashion taste in the story.

* * *

**Next time: **The challenge goes underway, Lauren learns something about Li Zhang, Mari learns how to infiltrate others' dreams and someone gets voted off under bizarre circumstances.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker of Channel Awesome.

**Note: **I would like to thank the Fanfiction user krikanalo for favouriting and even reviewing this story.

* * *

Once all of the contestants (plus Jonny) have changed into their swimsuits, they gathered at the Dock of Shame for the Nostalgia Critic to explain the rules.

"Welcome to your fifth challenge," announced the Critic, "now before we begin, allow me to point out a few oddities. For example, why would a 12-year-old girl like Lauren have a six-pack?"

As one could plainly see, Lauren's abs were showing through her one-piece. Then she said, "That's private business mister. Go away!"

"Ew, I can see Jonny's bulge," Aurora pointed out in disgust.

"For your information, I tuck," Jonny explained, "even if I did, it would be no different to Abdul."

Abdul's bulge is clearly visible in his speedo. He quickly said in embarrassment, "Hey, shut up!"

"Moving on," the Critic continued, "Jonny, do you mind getting on the canoe that Corey is riding to show demonstrations?"

"Yes sir," Jonny accepted as he did as the Nostalgia Critic said: get on the canoe with Corey who has a bucket of spew.

"Underwater," the Critic explained the challenge, "there are four skis; two per team. Each team must get those skis for part two using vintage diving suits. Of course only one person can use it while the rest pump air. Oh and do be careful." Corey took this as a cue to dump the spew in the water, subsequently summoning the vagineer.

"Hey," Nessie called out angrily, "you said we shouldn't be near that thing!"

"I don't like it either but ratings are ratings," the Critic justified, "now go!"

* * *

**Confessional: Uh oh. Has the Critic succumbed to the ratings drive?**

**Nessie: **The Critic is an idiot and a hypocrite. I wouldn't be surprised if daddy bribed him to make me win.

* * *

On the Mad Monkeys, Jenny was starting a discussion about who should get the skis.

"Alright team," Jenny announced, "one of us is going down there. Who will do it though?"

"I think it should be Victor," Aurora suggested, "that bulge of his is creeping me out. And Vito wouldn't tolerate it."

"Hey, Mari made this swimsuit for me so deal with it," Victor retorted, "what about L; she has abs?"

"Alright but only if you all agree," said Lauren as the rest of her team nodded for yes, "you win. I am going."

Meanwhile on the Crazy Crocodiles, its members were discussing on who should go but it is a bit more chaotic.

"Alright guys," said Sheila, "nominate me! I love the water."

"Uh sorry," Nessie mocked Sheila, "we don't accept commies."

Distraught, Sheila left to pick up more rubbish when Nessie continued, "but as for who will do this challenge, we let the thief do it." She pointed to Li Zhang. He then scowled at the rich girl's attitude.

* * *

**Confessional: Now we're in deep $#!&.**

**Li Zhang:** Nessie kicked Sheila out for being a communist but I get forced in for being an alleged thief?! That girl is selfish as…

**Sheila:** I have had it with Nessie. She's nothing but a bully now. I tried to reason with her but she never listened.

**Lauren: **This is too easy.

**Mari:** I cannot believe what I have done. Victor looks a lot cuter in that swimsuit I made for him.

* * *

So eventually both Lauren and Li Zhang got into their diving suits. As they were doing it, Lauren noticed that something was a little bit off with Li Zhang's eyes but shrugged it off. They got down to fetch the skis with the vagineer watching them.

On the Crazy Crocodiles, Abdul was supplying the air to Li Zhang but he was already getting tired.

"Oh God," Nessie muttered, "What is wrong with you!"

"I don't want to be rude," Abdul retorted, "but I spent most of my life on books rather than sports."

"You know what? ^$*# that," Jim shouted as he pushed Abdul out of the way to pump harder and actually turn Li Zhang's diving suit into a balloon for the vagineer to bounce off.

As for the Mad Monkeys, Malcolm, Aurora and Jenny were cheering on Lauren while Victor was working the pump but Mari stood there.

"Hey Vic," Mari spoke, "would it be cool if I told you what was in the box?"

"Yes it would," Victor replied, "By the way; your swimsuit is really cute."

"Oh thank you," Mari took the compliment nicely, "I worked really hard on that and yours. Anyway, the red box from last night had lots of games for all kinds of Nintendo and PlayStation consoles."

"You're kidding right," Victor said in slight disbelief as he stopped pumping, "I mean I love the PlayStation series with all these story based games and stuff."

"I know," Mari said, "and I love Nintendo. The games are just fun to play!"

Lauren was demanding more air however; Aurora took note of this and approached Victor with a miffed expression and scolded, "Victor! You were supposed to keep the pump going! Or can I get Vito to do it instead?"

Aurora lowered the zipper she found on the back of Victor's swimsuit and had undone it to waist level, just enough to get Vito to do her bidding with the pump. Mari could only facepalm and leave the scene.

* * *

**Confessional: No this is not a couple breaking misunderstanding. The Nostalgia Critic hates that!**

**Mari:** Well that explains why Victor can't go bare chested; we get that jerk Vito! Only question is: why?

**Aurora:** Look. I did not want to be a jerk here but Victor seemed distracted by Frenchie! Yes, Vito does have his flaws but at least he is reliable provided I am around.

* * *

Jenny saw that Mari was missing as well as Vito at the pump. She went up to Aurora and said sternly, "Aurora, why is Victor being Vito again?"

"Yeah, he was being distracted," Aurora explained, "and besides, I just found out that Vito only comes bare-chested. It's simple logic really."

Jenny did not reply; she instead redressed Victor up and reverted him. Aurora was a bit disappointed at this but at least work was being done to sustain Lauren.

Meanwhile on the Crazy Crocodiles, Jim was hard at work supplying air not knowing the vagineer has held Li Zhang hostage. Nessie and Abdul on the other hand were discussing some stuff.

"Oh dear," Nessie groaned impatiently, "this is taking forever!"

"Now now," said Abdul, "Allah will be happy if you just wait."

"Who cares," Nessie retorted, "he's not even the same god as well God."

"Actually, he is," Abdul corrected the cowgirl, "Just ask any reasonable Christian, Jew or Muslim. They will tell you."

"Bullcrud," Nessie said, "I could use my bugle right now but it's not here. It just fell into my hands when the vagineer attacked me. I'll bet it was Li Zhang."

"Huh. Like yeah right," Aurora, "Why would Li Zhang do that?"

"You saw what he is like you naïve fool," Nessie said cynically, "he hates people. So he steals to spite us all."

"Hey come to think of it," Aurora realised something, "my mirror was missing!"

* * *

**Confessional: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a mystery on our hands!**

**Aurora: **Li Zhang, whether or not you did steal my mirror, I shall say this to you: you need help!

**Nessie: **I do not kid. God gave me a bugle as compensation for the vagineer attack. What does it do anyway? Likely nothing.

**Vagineer: **Em ot tol a snaem elgub taht! Gottam! Gottam! Gottam!

* * *

Sheila having been driven away by Nessie's discrimination has instead decided to pick up some more trash into a big bag. She then noticed what appeared to be a crocodile with grey fur and drinking Rolling Rock beer.

"Everyone treats me like a bloody monster," the thing said in a slurred depressed tone when he noticed Sheila approaching him, "What do you want hot-stuff?"

"Okay, this is awkward," Sheila commented before focusing on the figure again, "are you done with that bottle because I'm here to clean up rubbish."

"Ah bull$#!%," said the figure, "I got it just now from some nerdy freak. Now before I go, call me Riley the next time we meet. Have fun with that other human."

And with that Riley left for whatever just as Mari showed up.

"Hi Sheila," Mari greeted as she noticed Riley, "Um, who's the hairy crocodile."

"That would be Riley and I doubt he is a crocodile anyway," Sheila explained, "So why are you here."

"Okay remember when I said I wanted to make Victor a swim shirt," Mari requested, "Well now I see the reason. He told me the basic idea in whisper but now that I saw it in practice I was wondering what could be the root cause. Can you help me?"

"Yes I will," Sheila said, "But we both have a challenge to do. I will tell you afterwards."

"Fair enough," Mari finished as they both went back to the Dock of Shame.

* * *

**Confessional: What is up with all these cameos!?**

**Sheila: **Yeah, I knew about Victor's MPD because duh. I didn't want to tell Mari because just the very idea of multiple personalities disturbs me.

**Mari:** Sheila is very helpful. I think it helps that her grandpa is both an Australian Aborigine and the country's prime minister.

* * *

As Sheila and Mari returned to the Dock of Shame, they noticed that the Crazy Crocodiles had successfully got their skis before the Mad Monkeys (if only by pure luck because Li Zhang's air hose broke and propelled him to the skis). The Nostalgia Critic was there to announce the results.

"Okay kids, the Crocodiles win here," the Critic announced, "as such, they will be using a high class speedboat that I bought off Ebay for $30,000. The Monkeys on the other hand get Riley who is drunk as hell."

At that point Riley showed up much to the Monkeys' disgust.

"Well no-one is to blame here," said Lauren, "it was pure luck."

"If I may continue," the Critic continued, "each team will have one driver, one person using a tennis ball cannon and the rest at the skis. You must use the balls or anything else to detonate 2 out of 3 bombs in the sea to win and they're coated in a tranquiliser serum just in case you want to play dirty."

"Okay guys," Nessie said to her teammates, "as your leader, I propose that I get to shoot and Jim can drive."

"Since when were you leader," Sheila asked sceptically.

Nessie glared at Sheila and said, "This is why you are at the back."

"Hey, can I drive," Mari requested the rest of her team.

"Okay," said Jenny, "but what about the others?"

The rest of the Mad Monkeys nodded for yes. Lauren in particular responded, "Okay, but only if I man the cannon."

And so the configuration was this: for the Crazy Crocodiles, Jim was at the wheel, Nessie at the cannon and the others form a triangle with Sheila on top of Abdul and Li Zhang's shoulders; for the Mad Monkeys, it was Mari at Riley's head, Lauren holding onto the cannon and at the back Victor and Jenny were at the base of the tower with Aurora at the centre and Malcolm at the top.

"And now we are ready," the Critic concluded, "Now go!" With that, the Crazy Crocodiles sped towards their first mine but the Mad Monkeys struggled to get Riley going and keep him going. Of course the vagineer is not going to let them get far.

* * *

**Confessional: I'm drunk. You don't have an excuse.**

**Vagineer: **Og tsum hctib taht! Elgub ym koot ehs! Mattog! Mattog! Mattog!

**Li Zhang: **Out of all of my new teammates, that Aussie chick is the most tolerable; Arab boy is second.

**Lauren:** That cannon was heavy as hell! Having to sit down to carry it was hard and the drunkard freak is not helping!

* * *

The Mad Monkeys were hard at work keeping Riley going but the vagineer is not making matters easier.

"Alright I have had enough of that freak," Lauren said frustratedly but Jenny mouthed no. Then Victor tried to kick the vagineer to slow it down.

"You know, it would have worked better if you were being Vito," Aurora critiqued Victor.

"Aurora, please," Victor reasoned, "I don't even like that guy!"

The vagineer recovered now even more irritated.

Mari then realised that maybe the problem itself is its own answer; she had found a big stick and string from when she went to Sheila and made a fishing rod out of it with Rolling Rock beer hanging on it to propel Riley. This allowed the Mad Monkeys to catch up to the Crazy Crocodiles.

"Alright," Lauren said as she readied her tennis ball cannon, "Time to get an edge here."

"Hey, are you thinking of shooting the enemy," Mari sceptically asked, "we only have 3 balls."

"Yeah but we only need 2," Lauren reasoned, "One can be for combat and besides the Critic allowed it." Lauren went ahead and shot her team's first serum covered ball at Jim immobilising him and putting the Crazy Crocodiles at a disadvantage.

"**Ha! Your team is going to sink!**"

"Look, I don't care okay," Nessie called to her mind before aiming at a mine and blowing it up before saying to her teammates, "Look I'm a little peeved at losing the bulky guy. Commie girl, you're up!"

"Okay then," said Sheila as she jumped over to take the wheel, putting the Crazy Crocodiles back in the lead.

"Aw crap," Aurora cursed, "they're beating us!"

"Watch it Aurora," Jenny scolded, "any other ideas guys?"

"Oh I have one," Malcolm said, "Did you ask your parents about the 2012 London Olympic Games?"

That was Victor's cue to become Svetlana who said, "Oh cool! If you need me, just yell."

Meanwhile at one of the buoys, Corey was fending off the vagineer.

"Get away from me you fool," Corey shouted waving his puke bucket, "Oh why did we have to hit a mine?"

He saw the Crazy Crocodiles speedboat and in a state of panic jumped onto it throwing everyone off, effectively stopping the boat.

"Um excuse me but your ruining our game," Abdul complained as he recovered.

Malcolm saw the pandemonium and signalled Aurora to get off Svetlana's shoulder.

"Oh, you want to see a trick now," Svetlana said, "well you can have it!" She jumped into the air and landed cleanly onto the second mine before going back into position, effectively scoring the Mad Monkey's their first point. Out of anger, Li Zhang kicked Corey away.

* * *

**Confessional: What a splash! LOL**

**Corey: **What rotten luck! As soon we got the vagineer's attention, we paddled away only to run into a bomb. Jonny had better be okay.

**Malcolm:** Practically every physical challenge can be aced with Victor becoming Svetlana. Best not get too carried away though.

**Jenny: **Me and my brother have a special dress code regarding the beach, one that differs from the pool or spa.

**Aurora: **Malcolm and I are the only two members on this team who do not wear one-piece swimsuits. I'll see what I can do with him afterwards.

* * *

Having landed head first into the sand, Corey was wedged there. Thankfully, someone had pulled him out. It was none other than his fellow colleague Jonny who looked a little different.

"Hey dude, your hair's down," Corey commented.

"Oh about that," Jonny began to explain, "my mum believes sis and I look better with our hair down at the beach. You don't like it?" Jonny was still in the same swimsuit.

"Yeah I do," said Corey, "If anything, you look cooler that way. Too bad I have no camera."

* * *

**Confessional: Ho yay?**

**Corey: **Aw, bull$#!%! I was only human for a day but I still find them attractive; Jenny I can understand but her brother looked like a cute chick!

* * *

Jonny sat down to make sandcastle while Corey sat on his ankles to sunbath.

"Say Corey," Jonny asked the dinosaur, "how did you get here? And how did you become an intern?"

"Do you really want to know," said Corey to which Jonny nodded, "All right. Twenty-eight years ago, I managed to get the attention of humanity. Apparently, my race from the now destroyed planet of Ignaria resembled ancient Terran creatures such as Velociraptor and Deinonychus. Together we took down a terrible regime of the entire Milky Way."

"Okay that's awesome and all but what about this show," Jonny reminded.

"Oh right," Corey continued, "I was getting there. The wyvernfly and minotaur races were kind enough to rebuild Ignaria; they had the technology. But the process took longer than anticipated so I decided to work with humanity just to pass the time. I spent ages learning your various languages and I by chance took a job here at the promise of somewhere to live which thank all I got."

"Oh dear," Jonny said in a lower tone, "not having a home must suck. How did you survive after 28 years?"

"Like 8 of my best buds from across the galaxy," Corey concluded, "I made use of cryogenic chambers to speed up progress but it was hell expensive. One of them Riley you probably know and I am fairly certain Kyle was here. And that's it."

"Well that was a depressing story," Jonny commented.

* * *

**Confessional: For more information on Corey's backstory, please read Super Tai Galaxy.**

**Jonny: **Corey's all right for what he is. I need to tell my sister about all this.

**Corey: **You know come to think of it, where are my other friends?

* * *

Meanwhile, at the stagnant speedboat, the Crazy Crocodiles have turned to Sheila for assistance.

"Guy, what are you doing," Nessie said shocked, "don't tell me the commie is more attractive than me."

"Nessie, maybe you need to shut up for once," Sheila started, "You are still at the cannon. The only change made here is that Abdul will be driving!"

"Okay fine by me," said Abdul as he took the wheel while Sheila and Li Zhang used Jim as a substitute ski since the original ones were lost. Nessie was ready at the cannon but accidentally fired it leaving only one ball left.

With the Crazy Crocodiles back in the race, the Mad Monkeys have to hurry now. Lauren tried to shoot at the opposing team but Riley saw a fish and decided to go after it leading to some sharp turns that threw all the Monkeys onto a pile of rocks.

"The Monkeys are out," Sheila announced, "Now shoot that mine!"

"All right," Nessie groaned as she aimed at the mine but Bedlam decided to be an asshole and distracted her and threw off her aim at Abdul. With Abdul down, the boat was out of control and sped past the mine.

"All right, the last mine is over there," Jenny called, "Does anyone have any ideas now?"

"Oh I've got one," Lauren shouted and threw Malcolm at the mine in frustration at Riley's unpredictability.

At the same time, the Crazy Crocodiles' speedboat had turned around and jumped off the ramp sending Jim flying through the air right in the path of Malcolm. They collided and fell down onto the mine.

Meanwhile, back at the Dock of Shame, Chris McLean was observing the whole event via binoculars.

"Boss, why is there no kaboom," Chris complained, "It's boring!"

"Well how am I supposed to end the challenge," the Nostalgia Critic cried just as the mine detonated, "Never mind."

* * *

One hour later, all of the contestants gathered at the medical tent where Jim and Malcolm were found healing from the bomb explosion. The Nostalgia Critic, Chris McLean and Chef (Nurse) Hatchet were there as well.

"Campers," the Critic explained, "what you see here is the result of a very close call. However, it was Malcolm who touched the mine first so as a member of the Mad Monkeys, his team wins."

The Mad Monkeys cheered at yet another victory. The campers were then asked to leave except for Aurora who decided to stay to talk personally with Malcolm.

"Malcolm, you did well today," Aurora began, "why are you so good at this?"

"I'm not," Malcolm replied, "It was pure luck. Why are you here Aurora?"

"I have noticed something about my team," Aurora explained, "All of the Mad Monkeys were wearing one-piece swimsuits which personally I find tacky. Neither of us did that so I was thinking: how about we form an alliance?"

"An alliance," Malcolm said, "what for?"

"I will give you strength," Aurora replied, "and you can help me promote socialism. As well find the idiot who stole my mirror."

* * *

**Confessional: I thought socialism was out. Guess I was wrong.**

**Aurora: **Heed my words; my true objective is to promote socialism. Malcolm having grown up in a commune will be the perfect example.

**Malcolm: **I'm not sure about this whole alliance thing but if it will make me stronger then so be it.

* * *

Corey had led Jenny over to where Jonny was at the coastline; what resulted was having the two of them hug and squee until Corey told them to stop. Then Jenny took off the headbands holding her hair up and now the twins look virtually identical save for a few obvious areas but it did fool Corey.

"Okay I don't get it," Corey said confused, "which one of you is which?"

"Oh it's very simple," Jenny explained, "you must first understand human body shape; I have a thicker breast but my brother is more androgynous."

"Okay now I get it," Corey said, "It's still hard though."

"Just practice looking at the physical differences between male and female humans," Jonny said, "Oh and I think your phone is ringing."

Surely enough, Corey was wearing a special kind of mobile phone of the late 2020's: it resembled a head set your average World of Warcraft player would wear but a lot more cool looking. As the twins were playing in the sand, Corey answered the phone by pressing a button on one of the ear phones."

"Hello, this is Corey, I work for Total Drama Tween Island, what do you want," Corey said.

"_I want to find the asshole who took my beer,_" said the caller.

"Oh that would be Riley," Corey said, "He's one of my friends and he was hired for one of the challenges at Camp Wawanakwa."

"_Good. Now I know where to go,_" the caller finished before hanging up.

* * *

**Confessional: I'll give you five guess as to who was on the phone apart from Corey.**

**Corey:** Okay, that was strange.

**Jonny:** Hey sis, do you mind if I told you Corey's dark and depressing backstory?  
**Jenny:** Uh oh. Yes I do.  
**Jonny:** His home planet was being rebuilt so now he works here to alleviate boredom.  
**Jenny:** Ooh, that must suck.

* * *

Sheila and Mari, having changed back into their dry clothes, have reached a clearing in the forest where Nessie did her daily oil digging.

"This my friend," Sheila said, "is where Nessie dug for oil. Or at least tried to but never got quite deep enough yet."

"Why would she do this," Mari asked, "when large scale consumption of oil is frowned upon nowadays?"

"As far as I'm concerned, Nessie is from the Caribbean Union," Sheila explained, "That country is one of the most corrupt my grandad has ever come across. Oil combustion is not only legal there but encouraged, they have no environmental responsibility and the worst part is that it is an authoritarian regime or dictatorship if you will headed by Exxon Mobil."

"Oh no," Mari cried, "That is just horrible!"

"I know right," Sheila said softly, "that's why grandad is trying his best to convince its citizens that another world is possible; there always is. Now let's cut the crud and get down to what really matters."

Sheila sat down cross-legged and Mari did the same. Then she said, "Now Mari, I want you to calm down and clear your mind so I can give you the power safely."

So Mari stopped crying and adopted the meditation position. From here, Sheila could call upon the Dreaming world and give some of its power to Mari before saying, "Now you have the power to see into others' minds. What can you see in mine?"

"Well I can see a warm glow of light as well as some energy of some heavenly place as well a eucalyptus," Mari responded.

"Wow, that is absolutely correct," Sheila exclaimed, "but that sort of power will very much freak other people out so only use it when you really need."

"No worries," said Mari as she and Sheila went back to camp.

* * *

**Confessional: With powers like that, I could be king. For now I am simply a peasant taking other peoples' thoughts and crap.**

**Mari:** I can see into others' minds now! But I shall use them when necessary or at least sparingly.

**Sheila:** Speaking of reading minds, I now understand why Nessie is such a jerk. She has schizophrenia and needs help.

**Nessie:** Commie girl knows my secret? Now I can finally get her out of my face!

* * *

All of the Crazy Crocodiles had gathered around for a meeting in their cabin.

"All right, this is the bit where we debate on who to vote for," Nessie explained, "but I believe there is no need for that. I know the answer."

"Who's going to be," Li Zhang said sarcastically, "I know, it's me the thief isn't it?"

"Well to start, I am sorry for the irrational accusations Li Zhang," Nessie explained, "but I found this bag that Sheila was using to stuff trash in or should I say…" She spilt the contents of the bag on the floor revealing Abdul's book, Jim's dumbbells and Nessie's necklace and bugle much to Sheila's horror.

"Guys, I don't even know they even got in there," Sheila tried to reason but no-one wanted to listen.

* * *

It was night time and all of the campers, back in their dry clothes, had gathered at the elimination ceremony sitting on the tree stumps. To their left were Chris and Chef; to their right were Jonny and Corey; the Nostalgia Critic was at the centre holding a tray of ten marshmallows.

"Well campers, welcome to another legitimate elimination ceremony," the Critic began, "but first some questions. Li Zhang, how was your first day on your new team?"

"It was stupid," Li Zhang replied.

"Jim, what did the tranquilizer serum feel like on you?"

"It was whack mon," Jim replied.

"And Sheila, you seem to have done something very naughty."

"Well I can tell you that I was framed," Sheila tried to explain, "it was completely uncalled for."

"All right, as usual the Crazy Crocodiles are voting."

* * *

**Confessional: It's voting time!**

**Sheila: **(She holds up a picture of Nessie) I am sorry Nessie but I reiterate: you need help!

**Nessie:** (She holds up a picture of Sheila) Yeah it was me who stole those things. That was Bedlam's idea; all I was thinking about were oil and getting rid of the pesky Sheila. P.S. I gave Aurora back her mirror.

* * *

Once the voting was done, the Mad Monkeys had gotten their marshmallows leaving the Crocodiles once again.

"Okay now out of all the Crazy Crocodiles," the Critic said, "the first marshmallow goes to…"

…

…

…

…

"Jim,"

…

…

…

…

"Abdul,"

…

…

…

…

"Li Zhang,"

Nessie and Sheila stared at the last marshmallow. Then the Nostalgia Critic said, "And tonight the final marshmallow goes to…"

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Nessie."

At that, Nessie got her marshmallow while Sheila looked upset as the flag for the People's Republic of Australia was being lowered. Then she got angry.

"You know what," Sheila shouted, "This is bull$#!%! I did nothing wrong here! I was framed!"

"Well you should know by now," Jim said seriously, "your misguided ideologies do not fit with reality. We as a species value the strongest and leave the weak to rot. That's how it goes."

That really set her off. "Well you know what?! You on the other hand have been given terribly out-dated teachings that should have died with Nazi Germany! Why is Social-Darwinism not taken seriously anymore! Because we are more civilised than that! And on top of that, I know one of Nessie's darker secrets that I might as well tell you now! She has…"

BOOM!

Suddenly an explosion occurred that sent Sheila flying into the air. The Nostalgia Critic, thinking it was Chris, looked at him crossly.

"Chris McLean," the Critic shouted.

"Dude, that wasn't me," Chris reasoned, "I know which explosions are my doing and that is not my idea!"

"Then if you didn't do it," the Critic said as he turned his head to the Boat of Losers to find none other than, "NERD!"

"That's right. I'm the $%^#ing Angry Video Game Nerd," said the newcomer wielding a Super Nintendo Super Scope that is smoking from the shot, "I have come for Riley and my Rolling Rock!"

"Kids, go to bed now," the Critic ordered the contestants and they did just that; the interns had all left the scene in case a fight scene was about to happen except for Chris who gave the outro.

"Okay, that was unexpected! This oughta be good for ratings. Anyway, what will the Nostalgia Critic do now that his arch nemesis the Angry Video Game Nerd has showed up? Will Sheila be avenged? What sort of games do the Mad Monkeys have? And who will be the next to leave? Find out next time on Total Drama Tween Island!"

* * *

And that was episode 5. Now Sheila was a fun character actually. She was the one who got the plot really going and I am truly sorry if you enjoyed her but this is her time to go. Riley is another one of my OCs from Super Tai Galaxy, which was highlighted in Corey's back story. Also, I love the AVGN as much as the Nostalgia Critic so I thought it was time to introduce the Nerd character into my story. After all, if I have the Critic, why not the Nerd? Oh and it only just begun.

* * *

Votes

Abdul: Sheila

Jim: Sheila

Li Zhang: Sheila

Nessie: Sheila

Sheila: Nessie

XXXXX

**Nessie **- 1

**Sheila **– 4

* * *

**Mad Monkeys: **Aurora, Jenny, Lauren, Malcolm, Mari, Victor.

**Crazy Crocodiles: **Abdul, Jim, Li Zhang, Nessie.

**Eliminated: **Midori, Jonny, Nickolas, Sheila.

* * *

**Next time:** The campers have to cope the Angry Video Game Nerd. Also, Aurora reveals her secret.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker of Channel Awesome and the AVGN is owned by James Rolfe of Cinemassacre.

**Note:** From here on out, the Angry Video Game Nerd will have a major role. He's foul-mouthed so do not surprised if you see any weird symbols.

* * *

Chris stood on the Dock of Shame ready to give the intro.

"Hello, I'm Chris McLean," Chris began, "and I am the Nostalgia Critic's intern. Why am I here? All will be revealed,

"Last time on Total Drama Tween Island, a thief was on the loose stealing stuff. No-one knew who so they pinned it on the misanthropic Li Zhang. At breakfast, we see another side of Aurora. She managed to convince Chef to make Matzah brei which our local Jew really enjoyed. She also gave apples to those who didn't feel like eating it. Maybe it was the mockery from one of her roommates.

"Refreshed, the Critic wanted all of the campers in swimsuits and what we got was highly unexpected. Only 2 females wore bikinis; apparently one-pieces were so popular, even 2 males were wearing them!"

"Anyway, the challenge went like this: get the skis and bomb some mines. The Crocodiles had a nifty boat but the Monkeys got a $#!%ty drunk whale but they still won anyway.

"In the meanwhile, Corey told his sad story to both the twins. No planet to live on? Let's see how I'd feel. In the end, Aurora offered to assist and ally with Malcolm and Mari learnt how to read others minds via Sheila.

"In the end though, it was Sheila who had to go; Nessie set the whole thief thing up to get rid of her but Sheila's departure was spectacular. That was because of a man called the Angry Video Game Nerd. Apparently the Nerd and Critic are arch-nemeses so they have been fighting for a while. I would have showed you but soccer moms would just pile on me if I did.

"Who will cope with the Nerd? What will Mari do now? And who is the next person off the island? Find out right here on Total Drama Tween Island!"

* * *

**(Theme song; I wanna be famous)**

* * *

**(Mad Monkeys)**

* * *

Malcolm and Victor were playing with their digivices later that night. At this point, his digimon have become their Rookie forms, Lopmon and Terriermon.

"Yes," Malcolm cried as he won the battle.

"Well you beat me," Victor said admitting defeat, "I honestly thought my Otamamon stood a chance."

"Well you were outnumbered 2-to-1," Malcolm noted, "all this practice was worth it."

Suddenly, a drunken 32-year-old man with Rolling Rock beer walked in. He had khaki trousers, a white button shirt with pens in the pocket, glasses and short brown hair. He was the Angry Video Game Nerd.

"Hey you two," the Nerd said slurred, "get the %^#$ out!"

"But why," Victor asked.

"I can't sleep with the Critic because, you know," the Nerd continued, "besides, I hear you have $#!%ty games next door."

"Really," Malcolm said, "but that's the girls' side of the cabin."

Almost immediately, the Nerd threw the boys out shouting, "and stay the %$^& out," before crashing on one of the beds.

* * *

Meanwhile in the girls' side, Mari was as usual hard at work on her sewing machine; Lauren was playing 'Kingdom Heart's on the Playstation 2 and Aurora, Jonny and Jenny are all asleep.

"Come on, come on," Lauren muttered as she struggled to beat the Guard Armour and got her ass handed to her, "$#!%! This is one of the earlier bosses and I can't even beat it!"

"Well maybe you need to calm down and practice some more," Mari suggested, "I've worked on the sewing machine for 2 years now which explains my skill."

"I'm sorry but I just suck at anything but the fighting genre," Lauren commented.

Just then the door opened. It was Victor and Malcolm; Mari smiled at the former and he blushed in response.

"Oh, I see what's going on," Lauren said cheekily, "You're in love aren't you?"

"First off, we are only friends at this point," Victor corrected, "Second, let me beat that boss; I know how it's done." So Victor took control of the game and managed to beat the Guard Armour.

"Wow, he's good," Lauren said to herself.

"I know," Mari swooned but got her mind back soon enough, "So what brings you boys here?"

"Well you see," Malcolm began to explain, "the nerdy guy who swears a lot kicked us out."

"Oh, that's a bummer," Mari said.

While this was going on, Aurora woke up to do some night time business. She first pushed Jonny off in disgust before sneaking out the door.

* * *

**Confessional: Okay, what is she up to this time?**

**Aurora:** Okay, Jonny is such a creep! He should stay away from me! No matter, I wanted to do something for the other campers for tomorrow morning. They'll thank me for it.

**Mari:** The sleepover was tres bon! Victor was there which made it a lot of fun! As for Vito, I am saving my new powers for when it was absolutely necessary like when Vito is out of control. Fortunately we never met him that night.

**Victor:** I have a Playstation 3 at home so I could play Kingdom Hearts 1.5 HD Remix. That was awesome! The night was full of Playstation and Nintendo games. Most were fun, but we mostly stayed off the bad ones.

* * *

**(Crazy Crocodiles)**

* * *

As usual, Nessie was in the woods digging for oil. This time, she had hired Kyle the midget to place down 6 huge oil silos via the S.K.Y.C.L.A.W. (Supersonically Kool Yellow Claw Lowering Aerial Weapon).

"Tell me, what is up with all this equipment," Kyle asked as he landed his plane and got out.

"Well I have managed to dig right up to the oil," Nessie explained, "unfortunately if I dig once more I could risk ruining my clothes and daddy could be so mad. So I thought maybe machines would store it."

"That is a nice plan," Kyle said sarcastically, "but even with Sheila off your back, you still have opposition."

Kyle was right, the vagineer was standing right there going 'Woooooooooo;" Nessie ran back to her team's cabin screaming but into the boys' side.

"Alright," Abdul said as he woke up to observe the situation, "what's going on here."

"The vagineer is back," Nessie said fearfully, "I would go back to my bed but I would be all alone and I would have horrific nightmares!"

"Very well then," Abdul proposed, "how about you sleep on the top bunk just for tonight. Allah's always with me and let's face it he is the same God as whoever you worship."

"Thank you so much," Nessie said in gratitude, "maybe I shouldn't be so harsh on you after all."

"Yeah, whatevs. No offence taken," Abdul finished, "just ignore Li Zhang and Jim and you should be fine." He went back to sleep as Nessie went to top bunk to sleep.

* * *

**Confessional: Abdul, please say nothing about Arabia's oil troll scheme set up with communist Australia and everything should be fine.**

**Abdul:** Nessie is a pain, I cannot deny that. But she is still my teammate and Allah would like it if she was given proper respect.

**Nessie:** In times like this, Muslims could prove helpful. And no I am not kidding about being too scared to sleep alone. Truth is though, Bedlam would cause me grief.

* * *

The next morning, the Angry Video Game Nerd woke up to the morning sun. He yawned as he got up.

"Alright, time for some breakfast," the Nerd said to himself, "and for that damn whale to pay!" He armed himself with a Power Glove and an NES Zapper and left for the mess hall.

He entered the mess hall and slowly moved around looking for Riley. Riley was hiding under one of the tables hoping the Nerd would never spot him but the Nerd checked anyway.

"Aha! I've found you $%^#er," the Nerd said, "I'll teach you to steal my Rolling Rock!"

"Hey I didn't know it was yours," Riley pleaded, "and besides, I found them floating in the water!"

The AVGN simply wouldn't listen and went open fire at the whale driving him out. Then he went to the counter expecting some breakfast.

"Good morning sir," Chef Hatchet said, "what do you want?"

"Uh I think I will take porridge today," the Nerd requested.

"Okay coming right up," said Chef as he went into the kitchen to make the Nerd's 'breakfast'. A while later, Chef came back with a bowl of porridge. Only it wasn't porridge, it was gruel. The Nerd clearly wasn't pleased.

"Oh yeah, thanks for breakfast," the Nerd said sarcastically yet calmly, "you know I'm disappointed. Couldn't you have tasted it first!?" The Nerd entered rage mode and threw the gruel back at Chef. The Nerd jumped over the counter for a fight.

"Oh, you wanna play rough," Chef taunted as he took out a hatchet blade, "Bon appetite!"

Chef threw his hatchet right at the Nerd but he dodged it only for it to hit the fridge handle opening it. The Nerd noticed some beer bottles in there, took one for a drink and just as Chef started charging, he broke the bottle for use as a weapon. The Nerd then pushed Chef to the ground with it.

"I would like a complaint about my dish," the Nerd shouted as he used his Zapper to make his Power Glove flip the bird, "Your food is $%^&ing horrible!" He then punched Chef's head hard enough to knock him out.

A while later, the Nerd dragged Chef's unconscious body outside before saying, "Okay, time to play some $#!%ty games," and headed for the Mad Maggots cabin and moved them to the other side.

* * *

**Confessional: That is going to have to be censored on air.**

**AVGN: **All in all, the service here is very cheap. You are better off living in the %&^*ing wild!

* * *

Once all of the Mad Monkeys (plus Jonny) were evicted, only Lauren managed to wake up. She looked into her side of the cabin to find that the Nerd had migrated there. So she dragged the sleeping bodies of her teammates and Jonny into the boys' side before running off to the kung-fu arena.

At the arena, Li Zhang was performing high-skill kung-fu moves on some equipment and coming out okay before stopping to meditate on a pole.

"Hey, Li Zhang," Lauren said as she showed up, "what are you doing?"

"Training, that's what," Li Zhang replied as he broke his meditation, "what are you doing here?"

"Well I figured since I am the only one you trust even if only because I am competitive," Lauren explained, "I have one thing to ask. What are you hiding?"

"What do you mean what am I hiding," Li Zhang gasped.

"Look, just here me out," Lauren assured, "whatever it is, it's probably stressing you out and you are probably paranoid of bullying. I just believe in being yourself; I don't follow any norms because they blind us to other people's true character."

"Well, if you really want to know," Li Zhang challenged, "first you have to complete some tasks; they are kung-fu related."

"Okay, sure," Lauren accepted.

* * *

**Confessional: I don't know. It could take years to reach Li Zhang's level.**

**Lauren: **Kung-fu is a very difficult martial art. But I have a way to make it seem easier. I have practiced gymnastics for years so I won't have much trouble.

**Li Zhang: **The tomboy is apparently quite good. Did she learn kung-fu earlier? Also, you do not want to know my secret. It has haunted my life!

* * *

Later in the morning (probably 9-ish), the Nostalgia Critic slept soundly until his alarm clock went off.

"Oh god," the Critic moaned as he got up to disable the thing, "I hate this clock! I was having an awesome dream! Never mind, I gotta get ready."

So the Critic got dressed for the day and opened the door of his trailer but as he did he noticed Chris McLean frowning.

"Oh goddamnit Chris," the Critic muttered, "What do you want?"

"Well you see boss," Chris explained, "some loser thought it was funny to steal my secret stash of food!"

"And about time too," the Critic scolded, "the kids need proper nutrition! Hogging it all to yourself is grounds for a docked pay! Speaking of which, I think I might have an idea who did this."

* * *

"Okay guys," Aurora announced to the rest of the campers who had woken up and gathered in the Chef-less kitchen, "it's time make breakfast!"

"Wait, why are you doing this," Abdul asked, "and where's Chef?"

"I have no idea where Chef went," Aurora shrugged, "but the point is he is not here so now we have to make our own food. And before you start complaining, look at this." Aurora opened Chris's private fridge to reveal some of the freshest and most delicious ingredients the campers had seen.

"Sweet," Jim exclaimed, "there's enough protein to keep me strong!"

"Eeeee," Mari squeed, "I love sugar and flour!" This time she was wearing black Mary Janes with yellow shirt and skirt and a red polka-dot bow in her hair.

"Now I will put us into pairs that will take whatever they want from the fridge," Aurora explained, "I would pair up Victor (aka Vito) but then I would receive some flak from Mari so I'm going with Malcolm instead. Victor will instead go with Mari, Lauren with Li Zhang, Nessie with Jim and Abdul with… What?"

"Oh, don't tell me you forgot about Jenny," Abdul complained.

"No I didn't," Aurora said, "she just didn't turn up. Never mind, you can go work with Victor and Mari then. Now where is she?"

* * *

Meanwhile in the Mad Monkeys cabin, the AVGN was playing 'Spyro: Enter the Dragonfly' on the Playstation 2 with both Jonny and Jenny watching.

"This game is ass," the Nerd complained, "the frame rate is all choppy for the most part, it takes forever to load, and there are not enough levels. How could a game take a formula that worked perfectly for the preceding trilogy and yet suck here? I would rather drink diarrhoea flavoured milkshakes while taking a $#!%!" He then takes out the game and throws it out the window.

"Sheesh," Jonny said reeling from the swears, "that's a little harsh don't you think?"

"I have a better idea," Jenny suggested, "why don't we play Charlie the Unicorn instead?"

"No I do not want to play Charlie the $#%^ing Unicorn," the Nerd shouted, "I am too busy playing $#!%ty games right now! Oh and you are making me jelly. Emerald green eyes? That's the sort of thing fashionistas would go %&*^ing ape$#!% over! Now compare them to my dull grey eyes. Boring as $#!%. Next game."

The Nerd took out the cover for 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' and gazed at it in horror going, "Oh God no!"

"What is it," the twins asked.

"Let me asked a question," the Nerd replied, "what do you get when you take a movie that's ass and you make it into a game? You get a piece of $#!%."

"'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' wasn't that bad," Jenny retorted.

"Well it doesn't exactly hold a candle to the classic 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory," Jonny noted, "Mum loved that movie."

"Well the point is if you get a piece of ass," the Nerd continued, "that's a good thing but if you get a piece of $#!%, you don't want that." The Nerd went to his game.

A while later, the Nerd was already getting steamed. "Oh god this is worse than I thought," the Nerd said in a very negative tone, "This game is glitched up the ass! It's so boring it makes Irate Gamer videos seem stimulating! I would rather have albatross turds in my eyes! I would rather have earthworms in my ears while a dog pisses on me! I would rather play Charlie the $%^#ing Unicorn than play this any longer! $^%# this game!" The Nerd took the game out, threw it out the window, turned to the twins and said, "Alright fine, I've had enough of $#!%ty games for one day! I'll play Charlie the Unicorn."

"Eeeeeeeee," both the twins squeed in delight then Jenny said, "I wanna be the pink unicorn and Jonny can be the blue unicorn."

"That narrows down the role of Charlie to the Nerd," Jonny said gleefully, "I'm gonna work on the costumes!

* * *

**Confessional: Now that deserves censorship big time!**

**AVGN: **Nice! Once again the kids got the cool games and I got left with bad ones! Such a disgrace (has a beer).

**Jenny: **Wow, never before have I seen anyone swear like a sailor like that.  
**Jonny: **I have.  
**Jenny: **You have?  
**Jonny: **Yeah. It was when our big brother Alistair wouldn't stop ranting about my crossdressing.  
**Jenny: **And then mum told him off for it and lectured us about swears. Not that we did anything wrong.  
**Jonny: **Well he's not here so it doesn't matter anymore.

* * *

Meanwhile in the kitchen, the rest of the campers were hard at work on their breakfasts. Aurora had perico in mind and had gone to get the ingredients.

"There," Aurora said as she put down the ingredients, "Onions, tomatoes, eggs, bread and butter. We are making traditional Venezuelan cuisine, perico. Confia en mi. Sera hermoso."

"Uh, I don't really know what the last part meant," Malcolm admitted, "but how are we going to do this?"

"Easy," Aurora replied, "I write up the recipe and you get to cook it. By the way you should learn Spanish."

"Spanish right," Malcolm said, "but why am I cooking and you're not?"

"I just suck in the kitchen, that's all," Aurora confessed.

* * *

"Hey, I've got an idea," Mari proposed, "how about bacon and eggs?"

Both Victor and Abdul gasped at that idea in disgust with Abdul in particular saying, "Uh uh. No way! Don't you know both Muslims and Jews alike do not eat pork?! It is a sin!"

"Oh god, I am so sorry," Mari apologised quickly.

"That's okay," Victor said in a forgiving tone, "you likely didn't know much about Islam and Judaism because you are Protestant. The Children of Abraham shall live!"

"Amen," said Abdul, "so what did we learn? No pigs. You'll end up feeling worse than me when I had a circumcision."

"Circumcision," Victor said, "I had one it was rather painless."

"That's because you were lucky," Abdul said, "my dad thought he was too cool and rich for anaesthesia. I was only a baby so I forgot about it but my dad always talked about it."

"Um, what's a circumcision," Mari asked.

"It involves a boy's private parts," Victor explained the best he could, "and can be very painful if done improperly."

Mari then looked down on herself and thought, "_Thank goodness I'm not a boy._"

* * *

"You know," Li Zhang said to Lauren, "you did quite well in the arena. What is your secret?"

"I am good with gymnastics," Lauren replied, "'nuff said."

"Very well then," said Li Zhang, "as the only human I can trust, assuming you do not tell anyone about my secret should I tell you it, I will let you make dumplings. I will guide you through it."

"Hold on," Lauren said abruptly, "there'd better not be milk involved!"

"It is rude to interrupt," Li Zhang scolded, "and no, those who live near where I do cannot digest milk!"

"Good, because neither can I," Lauren confessed, "I am lactose intolerant."

"Prove it," Li Zhang challenged Lauren so she went ahead and drank a whole cup of milk. Shortly after, Lauren's belly gurgled a bit but she ignored it and got the ingredients.

* * *

Jim got a big leg of ham from the fridge to eat; Nessie on the other hand had an idea on the recipe.

"I think I know what I'm going to make," Nessie decided, "Grand slamwiches!"

"What the hell is that mon," Jim asked skeptically.

"Basically it is scrambled eggs, sausages, bacon, cheese and mayonnaise put into a toasted sandwich," Nessie explained, "daddy sometimes gives one to me."

"But that is just gross," Jim reeled in disgust, "I know it may have protein and I may be tough but even I have certain standards!"

"Suit yourself," Nessie taunted, "you're missing out."

* * *

**Confessional: Kitchen chaos FTW!**

**Aurora: **Where I live, the orphanage taught me nothing about cooking. And my adopted parents just cooked for me.

**Abdul: **I will say this one more time. I don't eat pigs! Also, circumcisions are painful.

**Lauren: **Okay, that milk stunt is starting to make my belly hurt a bit but I don't really care at the moment.

**Nessie: **Grand slamwiches are high in fat. So why am I still skinny? High metabolism, that's what.

* * *

Jonny, Jenny and the AVGN were walking in the woods in rather crude unicorn costumes; they were basically horns, ears and muzzles. Jonny had the blue costume and Jenny had the pink and they were both whistling 'God save the queen'.

"Okay, I can take the fact that I'm going for a walk and enjoying nature," the Nerd said irritated in his grey costume, "but will you just cut the damn whistling!?"

"Sorry Charlie," Jenny said, "but we're just too excited."

"We sometimes whistle British tunes from time to time," Jonny added.

"Well stop," the Nerd demanded, "it's pissing me off!"

And the twins stopped all right, in their tracks! The Nerd also had to stop to observe a deep hole surrounded by six huge silos.

"What we see here is the pit of wealth," Jenny explained.

"Down here is something that I guarantee you will make you rich," Jonny said.

"Hot damn," the Nerd said excitedly but turned serious again, "but just so you know, this is normally the bit where you push me down the hole. Well I'm not stupid but I'll look anyway."

So the Nerd looked down the hole (really an oil well dug up by Nessie) only to find what appears to the body of a RED Soldier from Team Fortress. The 'soldier' cricked his neck to face the Nerd (cue 'Puzzle in the Caves') and moved all the way up making lots of cricking sounds. Once the 'soldier' face the Nerd, he said, "I am Painis Cupcake; I will eat you," before grinning.

"%^#$ that," said the Nerd as he kicked Painis Cupcake back down the hole, causing him to turn red and get really angry (cue 'Demon Resident Mine Cart'). At that point, the Nerd shouted, "Oh $#!%! Run!" The twins ran after the Nerd screaming as Painis Cupcake chased the trio.

* * *

Meanwhile in the mess hall, the Nostalgia Critic and Chris entered to find that the kids have made their own food. Chris found his special fridge and frowned.

"Oh don't worry about Chris," said the Critic, "he's not allowed to complain." He leaned into to whisper, "Lest I confiscate all of his hair gel."

All the kids giggled at Chris's misfortune. Then Aurora spoke up, "Um, wanna try my dish first?"

"Certainly," the Critic accepted as he took a bite out of the perico before adding, "why is there tomato and onion in these scrambled eggs?"

"That is el bueno perico," Aurora replied, "It's traditional Venezuelan cuisine."

"I did all of the cooking," Malcolm said prompting Aurora to slap him.

"Okay, that was unnecessary," the Critic scolded, "but I enjoyed your breakfast so I'll let it go." He then went to the pancakes.

"Just so you know sir," Mari said calmly, "I wanted to do bacon and eggs but my friends don't like pork."

"It's for cultural reasons," Victor explained.

"Fair enough," said the Critic as he took a bite out of the pancakes before saying, "that was good. Carry on."

Then he went to the dumplings, ate one and said, "That was great. Is this your recipe?"

"A little bit yes," Li Zhang replied.

"Opening up are we," the Critic said.

"I earned his trust," Lauren explained.

"Very well," said the Critic has he went to the grand slamwich.

"What the hell is that," the Critic shouted in disgust.

"That would be a grand slamwich," Nessie replied, "It was inspired by Denny's. But I even Mr Bulky didn't like it."

"And with good reason," Jim retaliated.

"All right, enough," the Nostalgia Critic shouted before calming down, "Now for today's challenge, you need to…"

All of a sudden, Jonny, Jenny and the AVGN burst in with Painis Cupcake in tow. The three hid behind the Critic as the monster threatened to kill them.

"Oh no! No no no no no no," the Critic yelled as he fired at the thing with his gun, "You're ruining the show!"

Painis Cupcake having been shot in the chest fell dead on the floor. Everyone was relieved. Then the Critic continued where he left off, "Actually you know what, $^%* it! I'll explain outside."

* * *

**Confessional: Painis would have evened out Vagineer, if Snyphurr was never summoned.**

**Malcolm: **(in a fetal position).

**Victor: **Okay, that was scary. Maybe I should prank Chris to take my mind off of it.

**Aurora: **Whoever we met outside just blew our minds away.

* * *

The Nostalgia Critic had led everyone, (even the Nerd) to the auditorium. Some of the campers were commenting on past events here.

"Remember this place Victor," Mari reminisced, "you did ballet here."

"Huh huh, yeah I did," Victor said blushing from embarrassment.

"Okay guys, welcome to today's challenge," the Critic said, "Before we begin, allow me to introduce three people who will have important roles. One of which is gaming nerd Tina!"

The girl known as Tina emerged from the curtains. She had purple sandals, blue pants, green shirt with a Mario mushroom, glasses and, most notably, pink hair.

"Oh my," Aurora said, "I smell cotton candy!"

"I knew someone would say that," Tina mumbled before brightening up and gasping upon seeing the AVGN, "Oh my God, is that the Angry Video Game Nerd?!"

"You bet your ass I am," the Nerd replied, "and I have played some $#!%ty games!"

"Anyway, it is a great honour to be here with my boyfriend Maxwell," Tina said as her boyfriend emerged. He had brown sandals, blue pants, a Hawaiian shirt with a grey one with an anime logo underneath and short brown hair.

"Hey, that was my line Missy," the Critic shouted.

"Don't talk about my girlfriend like that," Maxwell warned before turning to the campers, "As you would have guessed, my name is Maxwell and this is my girlfriend Tina. We are judges for today's challenge and unfortunately it is not on anime."

"I have a question," Malcolm asked, "who's the third judge?"

"I'll take over from here," said the Critic in an annoyed tone, "It's someone you may recognise."

From the curtains came a third figure who was none other than…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

Midori.

"Oh god no," Jonny dreaded.

"What, you have a ^$#&ing problem," the Nerd asked, "just look at her; she's cute as *^%#!"

"Don't worry Jonny, I'm not going to stalk you today," Midori assured, "I could get told off. Besides, I have Maxwell, I admire him you know because he loves anime like I do."

"Okay, that's enough," the Critic shut her up before explaining the challenge, "basically these three are judges of a certain topic. Today's challenge is basically a fashion contest."

"Look out guys," Nessie gloated, "I'm winning this for my team in a landslide!"

"**As if you miserable pile of crap who eats grand slamwiches!**"

Nessie growled at her inner demon leaving the others to look in confusion.

"Well don't look at me," Lauren said in caution, "Fashion doesn't work well for me. Send either Jenny or Mari."

"The answer is neither because I'm calling the shots," the Critic explained, "the Mad Monkeys will dress up Jonny while the Crazy Crocodiles will be dressing up Corey. The judges will review your efforts. Whichever team pleases them the most wins. Now get going!"

* * *

**Confessional: Dress up you say?**

**Mari: **Eeeeeeeeee! This is going to be so much fun!

**Victor: **Phew. Thank god. I've had enough of silly outfits lately.

**Nessie: **This is stupid! I should present not some stupid dinosaur!

**Jim: **Well so much for a female model. The pink haired chick seems hot though.

* * *

And this is part one of episode 5. And Kyle is back for another cameo. Also, Tina and Maxwell are in honour of Baconbaka who had finally finished all of my characters. And Midori's back to judge too. The AVGN is really funny; I hope you enjoyed his performance because he's funny as hell. There's also some Charlie the Unicorn references; he belongs to Filmcow. The bad games listed here are guilty pleasures of mine but I've seen the reviews. Anyway, enjoy the episode!

* * *

**Next time: **The models show off, pandemonium ensues and another camper is voted off.


End file.
